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1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

Welcome to Inner Bonding (IB). IB provides its service to you, subject to the following Terms of Service ("TOS"), which may be updated by us from time to time without notice to you. In addition, when using particular IB services, you and IB shall be subject to any posted guidelines or rules applicable to such services which may be posted from time to time. All such guidelines or rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the TOS. If you are a facilitator on IB, please note that IB provides a different Terms of Service for you. IB also may offer other services from time to time, such as IB Public Store and SelfQuest that are governed by different Terms of Services. These TOS do not apply to facilitators, IB Public Store or SelfQuest or such other services.

2. DESCRIPTION OF SERVICE

IB currently provides users with access to a rich collection of resources, including, various communications tools, forums, shopping services, personalized content and branded programming through its network of properties (the "Service"). You also understand and agree that the service may include certain communications from IB, such as service announcements, administrative messages and the Inner Bonding Journal, and that these communications are considered part of IB membership. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any new features that augment or enhance the current Service, including the release of new IB properties, shall be subject to the TOS. You understand and agree that the Service is provided "AS-IS" and that IB assumes no responsibility for the timeliness, deletion, mis-delivery or failure to store any user communications or personalization settings. You are responsible for obtaining access to the Service and that access may involve third party fees (such as Internet service provider or airtime charges). You are responsible for those fees. In addition, you must provide and are responsible for all equipment necessary to access the Service.

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You will receive a password and account designation upon completing the Service's registration process. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the password and account, and are fully responsible for all activities that occur under your password or account. You agree to (a) immediately notify IB of any unauthorized use of your password or account or any other breach of security, and (b) ensure that you exit from your account at the end of each session. IB cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to comply with this Section 5.

6. MEMBER CONDUCT

You understand that all information, data, text, software, music, sound, photographs, graphics, video, messages or other materials ("Content"), whether publicly posted or privately transmitted, are the sole responsibility of the person from which such Content originated. This means that you, and not IB, are entirely responsible for all Content that you upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available via the Service. IB does not control the Content posted via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity or quality of such Content. You understand that by using the Service, you may be exposed to Content that is offensive, indecent or objectionable. Under no circumstances will IB be liable in any way for any Content, including, but not limited to, for any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted or otherwise made available via the Service. You agree to not use the Service to: a. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; b. harm minors in any way; c. impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a IB official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity; d. forge headers or otherwise manipulate identifiers in order to disguise the origin of any Content transmitted through the Service; e. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that you do not have a right to make available under any law or under contractual or fiduciary relationships (such as inside information, proprietary and confidential information learned or disclosed as part of employment relationships or under nondisclosure agreements); f. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights ("Rights") of any party; g. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain letters," "pyramid schemes," or any other form of solicitation, except in those areas (such as designated chat rooms, message boards) that are designated for such purpose; h. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any material that contains software viruses or any other computer code, files or programs designed to interrupt, destroy or limit the functionality of any computer software or hardware or telecommunications equipment; i. disrupt the normal flow of dialogue, cause a screen to "scroll" faster than other users of the Service are able to type, or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users' ability to engage in real time exchanges; j. interfere with or disrupt the Service or servers or networks connected to the Service, or disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to the Service; k. intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable local, state, national or international law, including, but not limited to, regulations promulgated by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, any rules of any national or other securities exchange, including, without limitation, the New York Stock Exchange, the American Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ, and any regulations having the force of law; l. "stalk" or otherwise harass another; or m. collect or store personal data about other users. You acknowledge that IB does not pre-screen Content, but that IB and its designees shall have the right (but not the obligation) in their sole discretion to refuse or move any Content that is available via the Service. Without limiting the foregoing, IB and its designees shall have the right to remove any Content that violates the TOS or is otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any Content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such Content. In this regard, you acknowledge that you may not rely on any Content created by IB or submitted to IB, including without limitation information in IB Message Boards, IB Chat Rooms, and in all other parts of the Service. You acknowledge and agree that IB may preserve Content and may also disclose Content if required to do so by law or in the good faith belief that such preservation or disclosure is reasonably necessary to: (a) comply with legal process; (b) enforce the TOS; (c) respond to claims that any Content violates the rights of third-parties; or (d) protect the rights, property, or personal safety of IB, its users and the public. You understand that the technical processing and transmission of the Service, including your Content, may involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices.

7. SPECIAL ADMONITIONS FOR INTERNATIONAL USE

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* With respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of IB, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purposes of providing and promoting the specific IB to which such Content was submitted or made available.

* With respect to photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible area of the Service, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purpose for which such Content was submitted or made available. This license exists only for as long as you elect to continue to include such Content on the Service and will terminate at the time you remove or IB removes such Content from the Service.

* With respect to Content other than photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, the perpetual, irrevocable and fully sublicensable license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, publicly perform and publicly display such Content (in whole or in part) and to incorporate such Content into other works in any format or medium now known or later developed. "Publicly accessible" areas of the Service are those areas of the IB network of properties that are intended by IB to be available to the general public. By way of example, publicly accessible areas of the Service would include IB Message Boards and portions of IB Chat Rooms and IB Free Questions and Answers that are open to both members and visitors. However, publicly accessible areas of the Service would not include portions of IB Private Question and Answers and IB Private Chat Sessions that are limited to members, IB services intended for private communication such as IB MailCenter or IB Private Chat Room, or areas off of the IB network of properties such as portions of World Wide Web sites that are accessible through IB but are not hosted or served by IB.

9. INDEMNITY

You agree to indemnify and hold IB, and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, agents, co-branders or other partners, and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of Content you submit, post, transmit or make available through the Service, your use of the Service, your connection to the Service, your violation of the TOS, or your violation of any rights of another. You agree that IB is not liable for, nor is Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc., Dr. Margaret Paul, or Dr. Erka Chopich liable for any alleged damage resulting from help in the Chat Room or from the Advice - Q&A.

10. NO RESALE OF SERVICE

You agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit for any commercial purposes, any portion of the Service, use of the Service, or access to the Service.

11. GENERAL PRACTICES REGARDING USE AND STORAGE

You acknowledge that IB may establish general practices and limits concerning use of the Service, including without limitation the maximum number of days that email messages, message board postings or other uploaded Content will be retained by the Service, the maximum number of email messages that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum size of any email message that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum disk space that will be allotted on IB's servers on your behalf, and the maximum number of times (and the maximum duration for which) you may access the Service in a given period of time. You agree that IB has no responsibility or liability for the deletion or failure to store any messages and other communications or other Content maintained or transmitted by the Service. You acknowledge that IB reserves the right to log off accounts that are inactive for an extended period of time. You further acknowledge that IB reserves the right to change these general practices and limits at any time, in its sole discretion, with or without notice.

12. MODIFICATIONS TO SERVICE IB

IB reserves the right at any time and from time to time to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Service (or any part thereof) with or without notice. You agree that IB shall not be liable to you or to any third party for any modification, suspension or discontinuance of the Service.

13. TERMINATION

You agree that IB, in its sole discretion, may terminate your password, account (or any part thereof) or use of the Service, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, for lack of use or if IB believes that you have violated or acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOS. IB may also in its sole discretion and at any time discontinue providing the Service, or any part thereof, with or without notice. You agree that any termination of your access to the Service under any provision of this TOS may be effected without prior notice, and acknowledge and agree that IB may immediately deactivate or delete your account and all related information and files in your account and/or bar any further access to such files or the Service. Further, you agree that IB shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service.

14. DEALINGS WITH FACILITATORS

Your correspondence or business dealings with, or participation in activities of, facilitators found on or through the Service, including payment and delivery of related goods or services, and any other terms, conditions, warranties or representations associated with such dealings, are solely between you and such facilitator. You agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage of any sort incurred as the result of any such dealings or as the result of the presence of such advertisers on the Service, including any private face-to-face or phone work that takes place between members and Inner Bonding facilitators. The Inner Bonding processes contained on this Web site are provided for educational purposes only. The Inner Bonding process is not intended to substitute for medical, psychological or other professional services. For medical and psychological diagnosing, prescribing and treatment, you agree to consult a licensed professional.You agree that IB, the Inner Bonding authors and facilitators, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any alleged loss or damage alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the Inner Bonding information or processes contained within.

15. LINKS

The Service may provide, or third parties may provide, links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Because IB has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that IB is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any Content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources. You further acknowledge and agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such Content, goods or services available on or through any such site or resource.

16. IB'S PROPRIETARY RIGHTS

You acknowledge and agree that the Service and any necessary software used in connection with the Service ("Software") contain proprietary and confidential information that is protected by applicable intellectual property and other laws. You further acknowledge and agree that Content contained in interactions with facilitators or information presented to you through the Service or facilitators is protected by copyrights, trademarks, service marks, patents or other proprietary rights and laws. Except as expressly authorized by IB or facilitators, you agree not to modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute or create derivative works based on the Service or the Software, in whole or in part. IB grants you a personal, non-transferable and non-exclusive right and license to use the object code of its Software on a single computer; provided that you do not (and do not allow any third party to) copy, modify, create a derivative work of, reverse engineer, reverse assemble or otherwise attempt to discover any source code, sell, assign, sublicense, grant a security interest in or otherwise transfer any right in the Software. You agree not to modify the Software in any manner or form, or to use modified versions of the Software, including (without limitation) for the purpose of obtaining unauthorized access to the Service. You agree not to access the Service by any means other than through the interface that is provided by IB for use in accessing the Service.

17. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT:

a. YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. IB EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT.

b. IB MAKES NO WARRANTY THAT (i) THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, (ii) THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (iii) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE USE OF THE SERVICE WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (iv) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, AND (V) ANY ERRORS IN THE SOFTWARE WILL BE CORRECTED.

c. ANY MATERIAL DOWNLOADED OR OTHERWISE OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THE SERVICE IS DONE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM OR LOSS OF DATA THAT RESULTS FROM THE DOWNLOAD OF ANY SUCH MATERIAL.

d. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, OBTAINED BY YOU FROM IB OR THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE SHALL CREATE ANY WARRANTY NOT EXPRESSLY STATED IN THE TOS.

18. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT IB SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES (EVEN IF IB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), RESULTING FROM: (i) THE USE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SERVICE; (ii) THE COST OF PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS AND SERVICES RESULTING FROM ANY GOODS, DATA, INFORMATION OR SERVICES PURCHASED OR OBTAINED OR MESSAGES RECEIVED OR TRANSACTIONS ENTERED INTO THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE; (iii) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA; (iv) STATEMENTS OR CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY ON THE SERVICE; OR (v) ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE SERVICE.

19. EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS OF SECTIONS 17 AND 18 MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU.

20. SPECIAL ADMONITION FOR SERVICES RELATING TO FINANCIAL MATTERS

If you intend to create or join any service, receive or request any news, messages, alerts or other information from the Service concerning companies, stock quotes, investments or securities, please read the above Sections 17 and 18 again. They go doubly for you. In addition, for this type of information particularly, the phrase "Let the investor beware" is apt. The Service is provided for informational purposes only, and no Content included in the Service is intended for trading or investing purposes. IB and its licensors shall not be responsible or liable for the accuracy, usefulness or availability of any information transmitted or made available via the Service, and shall not be responsible or liable for any trading or investment decisions made based on such information.

21. NOTICE

Notices to you may be made via either email or regular mail. The Service may also provide notices of changes to the TOS or other matters by displaying notices or links to notices to you generally on the Service.

22. TRADEMARK INFORMATION

IB, the Inner Bonding logo, SelfQuest, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies trademarks and service marks, and other IB logos and product and service names are trademarks of Inner Bonding Educational Technologies Inc. (the "Inner Bonding Marks"). Without Inner Bonding's prior permission, you agree not to display or use in any manner, the Inner Bonding Marks.

23. COPYRIGHTS and COPYRIGHT AGENTS

IB respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, or your intellectual property rights have been otherwise violated, please provide IB's Copyright Agent the following information:

1. an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright or other intellectual property interest;
2. a description of the copyrighted work or other intellectual property that you claim has been infringed;
3. a description of where the material that you claim is infringing is located on the site;
4. your address, telephone number, and email address;
5. a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law;
6. a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your Notice is accurate and that you are the copyright or intellectual property owner or authorized to act on the copyright or intellectual property owner's behalf.

IB's Agent for Notice of claims of copyright or other intellectual property infringement can be reached as follows:

By mail:

Copyright Agent
c/o Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc.
PMB #42,
2531 Sawtelle Blvd.,
Los Angeles, CA 90064-3124

By phone: (310) 459-1700
By Fax: (310) 459-1727

By email: innerbonding@innerbonding.com

24. GENERAL INFORMATION

The TOS constitute the entire agreement between you and IB and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and IB. You also may be subject to additional terms and conditions that may apply when you use affiliate services, third-party content or third-party software. The TOS and the relationship between you and IB shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and IB agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of Los Angeles, California. The failure of IB to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOS shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOS is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOS remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOS must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. The section titles in the TOS are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect.

25. VIOLATIONS

Please report any violations of the TOS to our Customer Support group.

26. CANCELLATION OF MEMBERSHIP

You pay for membership monthly. We can automatically charge you for each month, if that is what you want. There is no cancellation or refund of your money for that month. You can choose not to renew, but you cannot cancel for a refund.

 

I agree with the terms of the Inner Bonding Village user agreement
 


385 QUESTION(S)
Question
Hey, this is TenderSpirit's daughter. She gave me permission to use her account. I have this situation where I have a boyfriend who is currently a senior and getting prepared to graduate in just a month and to leave for college in New York at the end of the summer. I'm only a freshman, so right now I'm feeling really nervous because we're at the end of the school year and there's all this talk about graduation and college. It keeps reminding me that he's going to be gone soon. I'm hard of hearing myself so a long distance relationship is not what I want. I wouldn't be able to keep it up. Another problem I have is feelings that have been popping up lately for an ex-boyfriend I've known for half my life. He's staying in the local area. I am open to any suggestion, guidance, ideas on how to manage my mixed feelings and emotions. Much appreciated and thank you for listening. Looking forward to hearing from you all. Courtney Marie
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I proposed marriage to a woman based on the guilt she managed to induce in me. I had rejected her twice earlier. I still feel guilty of doing something wrong to that woman though I also feel that marriage must be based on mutual love and respect and not because I feel guilty of doing wrong. What is the reason someone feel guilt? Is that a signal saying I am harsh on myself?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I at such a loss. I have been married for 9 years to a wonderful man that I never have been in love with. We have three kids. I have deeply fallen in love with a woman. She is my best friend and we connect in all levels and she is the "home" I feel I have waited my entire life for. She feels exactly the same. However, she is also married with kids. I do not know what to do. We realize we will lose our stable lives our husbands have built for us and have to live with intense guilt for breaking up our families. However, I am unsure how to cope never fully being with her? What in the world do I do?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Last week my boss was on vacation. I enjoy when she's gone because I can do my job at my pace/my way without her trying to make me do things her way, yes, I'm still dealing with a power struggle. When she's here it's easier to let her do things her way, although I do tell her what I think, but we usually end up doing things her way. Throughout the week I was very aware that in my head I was arguing with her as I anticipate her coming back from vacation and pointing out all the things I did wrong or didn't do at all. At one point I thought I would just listen to what she had to say and ask her if she thought I did anything right, & could she focus on what I did right instead of always focusing on what I did wrong. I realize I'm trying to control the situation and to change her. I know in my mind I worked hard. Am I looking to get praise from her and it's really me I need it from? I often tell myself I have done a great job and I'm proud of me, but it's not enough! Thank U Dr. Margaret!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My partner said to me: "I wouldn't be with you if you hadn't changed, you are so much happier" I heard: If you don't act right I will leave you. You have to remain on good behavior or I won't love you. You are only lovable when you act the way I want. A few days later she said: "You are improving at giving me what I want sexually." I heard: I only love you if I get what I want. I will leave you if you stop doing what I want you to do. Both statements (and how she talks at times) seem parental/authorative. These statements seem to be 'You' statements- about how she is pleased with me because of my behavior is what she wants. They are meant as compliments, but they sound to me like threats or ways to control. One reason I am reacting is because my WS/IC feels like her love is conditional and she's telling me she loves me because the conditions are being met. Is it possible that its her WS talking and it would be loving action to ignore these types of comments?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I have been married for 2.5yrs. Had dated my husband for 6 mths before marrying, but thats how it goes in Indian marriage system. He lied to me about his family initially. If i had known that earlier i wouldnt have married him, since I did want a decent in-law family where both sides would fit well. Now his mom is coming to stay with us for 6 mths, but i cant get over the fact that he lied to me about her and that i'll be living with her. I can forgive and live with my husband for lying to me (sure it did break my trust and heart a lot), but why would i live with his family or family member when i had never accepted that kind of family. His mom is have mental problems and he had hidden that from me apart from many other family facts. What am I supposed to do? Do I have to give up my emotions and feelings and try to stay with him and his family member and live in insecurity of breaking my marriage because of my emotional instability in this regards or I am not thinking straight here?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
How do you handle missing someone? I miss their essence! Is it abandoning yourself to miss someone? I don't miss things about him that I am not giving to myself, I just miss HIM. Can this feeling be handled with IB?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
What is the difference between a fear of intimacy and a fear of engulfment? How do they look and feel different?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I am being haunted by a former g/f who had rejected me. I repeatedly try to find her whereabouts in the internet. As I practise IB, I understand the reason I have this addiction is I am rejecting myself somewhere. Everytime thoughts crossover on this woman, I make a practise of telling my IC that he is cute, innocent and is loved and is misformed that only this woman gives love. I was really enjoying the love emails this lady sent for two months and felt she really cared for me. As I talk to IC, for long I feel relieved and don't look for this g/f in the web. Today I have been doing this practise repeatedly and am succeeding. But I feel anytime I can breakdown. Am I abandoning myself in a deep level? Sometimes I feel shut off from the Guidance also. What else can I do to getaway from this habit altogether?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Recently my spouse has been distant and withdrawn. It is always because I triggered something within him. In the past I would care take until he would come back. Since inner bonding I have not been his care taker but I find myself withdrawn as well. I am doing things that make me happy and taking care of me but I can't figure out how to break the tension that is still between us. Sometimes I think it is breaking the distance and we talk about normal happenings. Then the next day, there is the tension and distance. From past experience he is waiting for me to make the first move because I usually do. Am I still being a care taker by making the first initiation of trying to talk about the distance or do I just continue to show loving gestures. I haven't a clue to what even say to break the ice.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hi Margaret, I am trying to discern taking responsibility for your feelings, when someone is pulling and having an engulfing energy in an interaction & you feel hurt and bothered, isnīt it what they did that made you feel bad?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My girlfriend knows that I am actively healing from sexual abuse and I have agreed to not rely on her for "frontline" emotional support. Despite this, when she calls and I'm in a 'funky' space, she has a difficult time. She says she doesn't want to date someone with these issues, but since she loves me, she's reluctantly willing to be with me despite this. She says she wants to be with someone who is happy at least 70% of the time. I want a partner who can accept me where I am. What is my part in the power struggle? Do we just want different things? Is it time to part ways?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
thanks dr. M, so enjoying the help i am receiving here. i have a question. I read your article on "Love and Connection Addiction". it talks on silent and angry withdrawal. i did leave my NPD/DID 5 year partner 30 days ago and have not made contact. i was angry, and tired of the negating, verbal abuse, NPD and switching, splitting. tired, sick and angry. and my/our codependency. she has tried contact and i will not. i feel if i step one step over into her energy field, i am in trouble. initially it was done in extreme anger. and a few weeks ago she contacted my new housemate with inappropriate emails, and i again was angry. it is incredibly hard for her. she feels she has nowhere to turn and no one to speak to. she says she is waiting for me to return. is this ok? i am acting like a loving adult to myself but is this extreme behavior on my part okay in the world of my/our higher self? or only should i gauge whether it's good for me. it's not my nature to do this. thank u, debra
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Is it loving action to date someone I know I don't want to marry if this person has intentions of exploring the relationship for long term? It feels loving action for me to have fun and learn with this person for now, but I feel guilty/responsible (like I'm using her for my own growth) if I don't tell her I am not interested for the long term with her. I think I am controlling by not telling her directly she's not "it" for me long term. We have a lot of love and learning with each other, but I can't imagine our life-styles being compatible for the long term. I also wonder if its my control to be worrying about the future while trying to be close and loving today. I'm trying to dialogue about it, seems like a lot of beliefs (false and otherwise) about dating, marriage, sex, obligation, security, need, fear, etc. A tangled web. Any thoughts or experience with this? Thanks.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
One woman claimed that she is able to respect other person's feelings and I was drawn to her because of that. The relationship ended as she rejected me on the day of marriage which contradicted what she said. Is it possible to respect the feelings of others?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I have no problem making friends and really would like to make a close friend to share activities with that my family is not interested in, but when I start getting close with a friend, I pick them apart in my mind. I don't agree with the way they parent, or put me on call-waiting, or interrupt our short phone conversations to talk with someone at their home and so on. Am I expecting too much from a friend or am I not making friends at a vibration that I'd like? I am also afraid to tell them if they are going to put me on hold I would rather they call me back later. Sometimes I do feel like I befriend women at a lower vibration because I know they won't reject me. Women I have the most in common with I isolate myself from them. What is going on? I have been very successful with IB but find myself getting 'stuck' every couple months.
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There are times I have an unwanted (How am I judging me) curiosity to know how the women who rejected me are faring. I am really confused. During my meditation, I talked to my IC who said he wants to do nothing with those women. But how am I getting this curiosity? How to overcome this bad practice of trying to know what others are doing?
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When two women rejected me, they told something common before rejecting. They asked me to come into their Worlds, while I wanted to be in my World. Before getting closer to me, they were too excited to come into my world. Am I rejected because I felt insecure in my World? I really wanted each of them to rescue me out of the possible engulfment from my parents.
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My constant struggle with anger (almost always with my husband) is it seems I have so much difficulty discerning between when I'm being treated badly verses when I'm angry because I feel rejected and therefore not taking good care of myself. Is there a good quick guideline for making those judgments in the heat of the moment?
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I was rejected by a few women. Yet one of those rejections has been haunting me heavily. I had made a lot of emotional investment on this woman during my disturbed period due to the death of my wife and unsympathetic attitude towards my parents which she seemed to reciprocate. But she refused to marry me. I have enough clues on her telling that she is a needy woman. One thing which claimed drew her to me was that she claimed she respects other person's feelings. Is it anytime possible? Even though my heart broke on the day of rejection, now I know very well that she couldn't have made a good relationship. At the same time, there are other moments when I anticipate mails from her. Also I appeal to God for changing her to be more loving. Is my Inner Child clinging to her as I still feel my deceased wife has nurtured me a lot?
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Thank you for your comments, and I know you're right because I did feel lost once I started to get closer to my wife. How do you know if you've given your little boy away for whatever reason it may be? I feel like I have and asked my IC why. The reason I came up with was the need for physical attention and sex. I interpret that as love and want to look at that deeper. I think this is how my WS views what love is, but what do I say/feel to convince him otherwise? Thank you.
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I have been married for 24yrs and have always felt that my wife wasn't 'in love' with me. She loves me for the companion I am, for the father I am, but it seems I'm not the guy who she is in love with. We both brought in a lot of baggage from our family history. Mine was being emotionally abused and hers sexually. Our dynamic was I was controlling and manipulative, although I didn't realize it and she has fears of engulfment.Last year she said she wanted a year off to see if she loved me(before the IB process). I was devastated and learned to love myself through IB and it put our separation plans on hold. I feel able to leave the relationship if I have to. The problem is I see glimpses of intimacy from her, but they don't last. She does go to counseling. When do you know if it's time to leave? I know what I want in a marriage and don't think she can give it to me. She talks about wanting intimacy, but her actions show otherwise. Either because she is afraid, or just unable to love me.
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I feel guilty on the way I dealt with a woman. I looked for marriage by parental pressure and met this woman in a matrimony forum. She agreed for wedding but for that I had to come to India from US. But I had fear as I was rejected by another woman despite my visit to India for her from US. So I married another woman in US without informing this person. But my wife left me in five days. After that I got in touch with this woman again as she knows psychology. She agreed to marry me and I accepted. But again I rejected her as I still had fear of coming to India. After 1 yr she emailed me again saying what I did. I proposed marriage with her as she said she won't marry any another man. But to me she says, she has apprehensions on whether I could keep her happy as my past relationships could haunt her. what I am to do to be complete with her?
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I recently proposed to a woman to whom I have been talking long. But recently she said she has apprehensions of whether I will be able to take care of her or keep her happy. Does this statement from her means this relationship has to be ended as she is a needy woman? Also does it mean that as I am attracted to this type of woman, I need to be more inner bonded before I go for relationship?
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I ride the public transportation system on a regular basis, and there is a girl on there that i see on a regular basis that i have become rather close with. She is very nice and sweet, but yet i am having a hard time with our relationship. She's one of those people that is extremely dramatic, repeats herself over and over almost like she just likes to hear herself talk. I don't feel she's being authentic with me, and often exaggerates and lies sometimes and says she likes all the things I like, not because she really does, but because either she's trying to get me to like her or she needs to prove something to herself. I've been finding myself avoiding the bus ride home because I just feel so drained being around her, but in the meantime, I feel like i'm also avoiding a confrontation and would like to stop doing so. I have a feeling in my gut of WHEN i need to say something and why i need to say it, but i FREEZE and feel overwhelmed and scared - just like i always do.
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My girlfriend of over 2 1/4 years decided recently to stop being sexual. She wants a period of time to assess what she wants now. We have some contact, mostly to process what happened. She is starting therapy in a few days. I've been very happy with the relationship and the bonding with her and her 2 teenage children. We all have a great time together. My girlfriend is finally getting a divorce after 4 or 5 years of separation and still has emotional pain from that relationship. She recently started emailing an old lover which came as a shock also. I must admit that from the beginning our relationship started out as a sexually playful relationship (what she wanted and I chose to go with that) and she admitted that later she might want to date others. Our relationship continued with shared interests, lots of sex and what to me seems like genuine closeness. She sees it more as a great friendship with sex. I'm in great pain with the loss of what I thought we had. My goal is to love me now.
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I married a woman in 2006 after a two month courtship. During the courtship time, what I felt good in her was she seemed to look all the good in me and I felt elated in her company. But after marriage, I expected her to be cuddling with me which she didn't feel comfortable. Even sitting on my lap was not something she liked. She left me and divorced me five days after marriage. Did she feel this way? Before marriage, she saw in me an adult who could look after her but after marriage she found me like a needy child.
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Dear Dr. Margaret, I am a new Inner Bonder (a couple of months) and am beginning to develop my Loving Adult; thank you for all the support on your wonderful website. I have an important question. Is it advisable for spouses who are both beginning to practice Inner Bonding to share their experiences and dialogue? My husband and I have been married 12 years and are on a very slippery slope now that I have begun to face my childhood sexual abuse. My husband is tired of the lonely existence he has had, without physical intimacy, for the past 9 years or so. He is just beginning therapy and has shown an interest in practicing IB. He wants to learn to love and care for himself, as I want to do for me. We don't know how things will turn out; we love each other and have a beautiful 11-year-old daughter but just have not been able to connect due to our past wounds. We don't know whether to stay together or think about ending. We adore our daughter and still love each other. Thank you.
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I want to get married. But I find I have no luck with girls. Four girls rejected me citing bizarre reasons. The first girl told I am having tremors in hand (The reason: I was with her after a long flight journey. But I found the cause very late.) The second girl said I am having a secret affair. The third girl said I still want to be only with my deceased wife. The fourth girl said I lied to her when I said I didn't know the way to a mall. I feel I am stuck. What am I to do?
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Should I always believe what someone says their intentions are? I mean, people aren't always aware of their intentions, are they?
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