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Question
I have a question about guidance. I am going through a tough breakup after a long, turbulent relationship. I feel better every day and am really starting to learn to treat myself well and to give myself the acceptance, love and verbal support i craved from my partner. I was doing some IB a few days ago and I asked my guidance what the most loving action was around my breakup. I heard 'wait 7 days to take action'. This seems very specific and very different than a lot of the other guidance i've received. i feel sort of strange about it and wonder if it's something i thought up myself. do you find the form of guidance you receive changes or surprises you like this? thanks. i love your work! Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/26/10
I was approached one day by the jehovahs witnesses and started having them over to my house I was praying for new friends at the time and a place to worship and they came knocking at my door while I had the phone book open so I took that as a sign I enjoyed them very much but have since let them go because I could not adhere to there practices going door to door, no holidays, no blood transfusions etc.I feel really empty inside because when I was with them I was so full of love in my heart , I was singing everyday just in complete bliss, my question is my heart has shut down again and no matter how hard I try to feel that again I cannot not it feels like god has abandoned me that I listened to my head at the time and not my heart maybe he had a purpose for me and I blew it any thoughts at that. sincerely julie Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/26/10
My question is a mix of spiritual and relationship. In my IB this morning what came up was: he's far, I'm safe. This is not good as I strive to get my safety through my divinity. I am in a long distance relationship and soon we will be together for a few months to confirm our love. This man is from another country and I will be responsible for him during his visit but do not want to caretake. If we are fine together the next step is marriage as he is from Cuba and it's the only way to be together. I need to remain in me and tell myself that I am well led because when I met this man I took action based on my divinity's answer which was to love him. I felt calm so I know it's the right thing to do. However I do not know if in 10 years we will be together. All I know is that my divinity guides me and I need to get my safety from my divinity. My intention is committed to making this relationship work and I have no guarantee, I need my safety from within. How can I keep safe? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/22/10
Do you have any specific suggestions on how to raise your vibrational frequency? It seems that when I am really needing guidance, that it is difficult to hear it. Are there specific activities you can do to help your frequency? I do know that prayer, meditation and being in nature do help me, but sometimes when I am really struggling they don't work either! Thank you! Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/19/10
It just dawned on me how much loneliness I experience in everyday life, and how much I judge myself as being weird, non outgoing enough, blah, blah, blah .. in order to cover up a pain due not only loneliness but helplessness over others behaviour as well. I am setting my intent to meet like-minded people where I live yet part of me does not believe they exist. She is afraid of finding out the truth that nobody would really accept her as she is. I guess I am not completely accepting my Essence. Any advice? Thanks. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/07/10
I have a wounded part that I'm becoming more and more aware of lately that is inclined to think the worst about other people in some situations. It likes to go stealth and disguise itself as my spiritual guidance, and sometimes I can't tell if it's my guidance I'm hearing or if it's my wounded self when it comes to what other people's intentions are. It is modeled after my mother, who while I was growing up was frequently suspicious of others' motives in such a way that it led her to unwittingly push people out of her life. I see myself doing the same thing that she did, assuming that a person has some kind of negative intention, yet I often learn later that that's not what was actually happening. I feel like there is something more for me to learn about and explore regarding whether the information coming through for me is from guidance or my wounded self. Do you have any suggestions for how I can explore this more? Thanks. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/04/10
Being introduced to IB in such a short period of time I have learned a lot and have sorted through a lot of issues in my life. The more loving action I take the more alive I feel. But it has been especially challenging trying to restore my comfort, security and faith in God. I still struggle with many of the scary hurtful messages my mother taught me through Jehovah's Witness teachings. "Celebrating B-Day is selfish, holiday's are worldly/bad,your homosexuality is a sin/bad/unnatural, everyone but true JW's will remain dead in the ground, life now only matters in relation to life after "judgment day"... and the list goes on. I wonder why it is so difficult to shake the anxiety, the fear, and distrust from these teachings? I opened up to these JW teachings at 9 years of age to get attention/approval from my mother. What actions are good suggestions for my spiritual scars? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/12/10
I have been going to church (catholic) regularly for the past 15 years, and now I am finding that I feel intense resistance to going to church. I don't feel I'm having a crisis of faith so much as a questioning of my worship practices. Does this happen often? I'm questioning whether it is another layer of wounded thinking that I am encountering or is it my essence feeling out of place where I used to call "home"? I am hearing from people from church asking where I have been, and I'm not even sure how to answer them. I've told them something is missing for me, it doesn't feel authentic. I feel a bit adrift, but okay. I am guessing it is my wounded self that is telling me this is a problem, because I don't feel as if I've done anything wrong at my core. Is this a time to tell my wounded self to sit in the corner while my loving adult sorts through these feelings? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/09/10
How does it come that the connection to our Higher Guidance/Higher Self is sometimes more intense than at other times? What can be done to raise our frequency and increase our connection when we are having a connection that is less intense? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/08/10
I chose as my guidance a real life person whom I knew when I was little. She radiates unconditional love, and was a symbol of positivity and warmth. However, after practicing IB for a couple of months, I now feel I am growing tired or becoming skeptical about the power of my Guidance. Somehow it's becoming harder to see her smiling and loving me all the time. It is as if she's growing tired of smiling and radiating love, it seems almost artificial that I imagine how as always smiling and loving me, because no human can be like that. Yes, I guess I am doubting the positivity and constant love of my Guidance...Or growing bored of her? any thoughts? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/06/10
Sometimes when I try to connect with my guidance, I get wonderful, comforting advice. Other times, I try to ask a question and I just get nothing or I get an answer that feels negative. Both of the latter give me a feeling of unease and fear. What does this mean? What am I connecting with? And if we can't get an answer that feels good from guidance, what do we do? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/22/10
I asked for guidance (i.e. God's Truth) about a relationship and had an immediate vision where I saw the obstacles in the relationship dissolve and heard "Linked, indissolubly linked". This was about six years ago. Though this relationship endures, after a fashion, there still appear to be obstacles. In seeking help and healing, I was told recently by a spiritual healer/intuitive that God used the vision to illustrate my connection to God, but used the image of the other person to make me think it was about this person in order to use my suffering since the vision to speed up working off the karma of others. I have found this (though making minor sense on one level) has destroyed my trust in God and ability to ask again for guidance. I am in a severe state of depression over this (not feeling suicidal) and have lost interest in doing much of anything. I feel ill-used and misguided and need to find a way to feel a positive connection again with God/Spirit/Whatever. Thank you. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/06/10
Could you elaborate a bit on your quote about caring being a soul quality? I always thought that "not caring" was a wounded quality and can be healed. It sounds like you are saying otherwise? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/30/10
Regarding finding our true calling in life: doesn't our higher guidance tell us what we came here to achieve? Or is the IC who will tell us? Or both of them? What about the advice of following the energy i.e. doing what life offers us in terms of opportunities? It requires a lot of trust, but seems to work well. Or does only listening to the wishes of our IC will reveal our true calling? Thanks for clarifying Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 05/24/10
I find it is easier to stay connected to my Guidance if I am in Step 1 of IB. I do this by choosing the intent to focus on taking care of my own feelings instead of focusing on controlling how others feel about me. I actually say to myself "I consciously choose the intent to focus on taking care of my own feelings instead of focusing on control my external environment & how others feel about me". It seems to really work and keeps me connected to Guidance. So my question basically is, is staying in Step 1 a way to stay connected to Guidance? I know you have mentioned many ways of connecting to Guidance, but I feel if I stay in Step 1, I feel so connected to myself and Guidance. Thank you so much in advance. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/23/10
Dear Inner Bonding Facilitators, I am having difficulty establishing a loving adult for myself. I had a wonderful loving relationship with my partner, Tommy Mooers. He died of melanoma cancer last March 2nd, 2009. I could not accept his death, I began to drink and drug and put myself in terrifying and abusive situations. I still can't accept his death, but I am beginning to re connect with his spirit as I have been sober for 7 months now and drug free as well. I am very ashamed of how i handled Tommy's death, I am ashamed of how i abused myself and let others steal from me financially and spiritually. I feel I have failed. I believe God loves all but there is a wounded part of me telling me that God does not love me, because i am a bad person, who does not deserve God's love or Tommy's. Tommy loved me unconditionally. This gift has saved my life. Still, I tell myself he must be disappointed in my actions. I am in therapy and attend church when i can, but on my own, i feel disconnected. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/23/10
I have read your wonderful articles and have truly appreciated the advice that have emanated from each one of them! I have put alot of work into my own life to incorporate the 6 steps in inner bonding, and they have helped tremendously! I have just a few questions (I am not sure if this has already been answered), but I sometimes come up with nothing when I try to access the spirit! SO my question is/are what is my personal spirit? What does it look like? Does it too have limitations like the wounded self? Is my spirit personal only to me? Is it possible to reach other loved one's spirits? I understand that this is alot of questions, but even a simple answer would help (if there even is one!). Thank you so much, Amanda Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/16/10
I've begun to really get in touch with the fear my WS feels about trusting my guidance. There have been lots of times in my life where I know that guidance has helped me, my mind knows it's a good thing to let go and trust, my adult wants to trust ... yet I'm struggling to make that leap to actually doing it (i.e. daily, not just every now and then). I've tried dialoguing with my WS and she is scared that if she really lets go, then all my achievements; everything I've worked for in my life will mean nothing and I will just be a worthless failure. I know that's WS thinking (wrongly basing my sense of self on achievements), but it feels like a huge fear and I don't know what to do to move through it. Guidance is not forthcoming with this issue! Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/14/10
OK, so I just went through the IB process real quick with some depression I am experiencing and visited some teenage places of isolation, helplessness, aloneness, etc. Yucky, ugly feelings that I only now realized I have never faced, processed, and healed. I listened to my IC and she wept pretty hard--deep, hard weeping with a strong sense of relief that someone was finally listening to her. I was able to allow her to journal about it a little and I quickly felt relief, almost like another piece of the puzzle got put into its rightful place. Almost immediately, I had thoughts and energy to do things I need to do that my depression was preventing me from doing (little things). I am surprised by the energy and willingness I have to act. Is this the loving action part that brings healing? And, is this the "over and over and over" part of IB, that I will need to do this over and over? I guess I'm wondering what the loving action part experience is like. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/29/10
Dr. Margaret, I just finished listening to the mp3, Connecting With Your Spiritual Guidance. I have a question about the connection between intention to learn and frequency. Are you saying that when we move into the intention to learn about our pain and dialogue with our IC, and then feel the pain and listen to it, understand it, that this is one of the ways to raise our frequency? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/29/10
There is a Catholic church right around the corner from my house.Ironically,it has the same name as the one my eldest sister attended.Since her schizophrenia broke when she was a senior,she had to be hospitalized most of her senior year.The nuns put on her diploma that she graduated from Langley Porter-the name of the hospital.There are many instances of things that I feel angry about around nuns,Catholic church and being forced to say the rosary while my mother overlooked my father kicking my brother sitting on the floor.I'm told that bringing compassion will heal it.But,I doubt it when I look at the news and see the Church refuses to take any responsibility whatsoever for their wounded ways of bringing God to those that place their sacred trust in them.How can I evolve from this place? I cannot seem to trust that my Higher Self exists and this IS God.How can I separate out all this stuff? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/22/10
My decision to keep my frequency high is met with huge resistance from my WS. I can clearly see how she lowered it all my life in order to belong, be safe and get love. But now when I do have LA, and great connection with guidance, and intent to be who I am (meaning living from higher frequency) she is using shame to bring me down. The more I explore and put into practice what would bring me more joy, and allow myself to shine, the more my WS attacks me with pure shame. Here favourite words are: You are weird. You are ruining all that I have done. You will end up alone. Something is wrong with you. Why do you need to be different, and list goes on and on. I put a limit on this, but after a while she attacks again. I have been staying in step one and feeling devastating effect of those attacks, holding my IC. But it seems WS won't give up. Your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 04/04/10
I see in the Advice section that an Inner Bonder asked recently about similarities and differences with 12-Step programs. I am asking something like that, except about IB as it is related to Christian belief. I was watching an old TV production called Jesus of Nazareth tonight and was struck by many things that Jesus says in this movie, especially as he speaks to His disciples. He says "the kingdom of heaven is here, now." He also asks us to put aside judgment, to open our hearts, to live the spirit of love and not the letter of the "law." As I read scripture sometimes now, I see how so much of Inner Bonding is right there; I read the other day a meditation on a passage that asks us to pay attention to our thoughts and to determine if they are coming as an inspiration of Spirit or from ego, our Wounded Selves. Much of Jesus' teaching makes more sense now. If you will, could you say what threads connect IB and belief in Christ for us IBers who were raised in this tradition? Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 03/31/10
Margaret,It is so challenging to stay open with my partner right now and not guard against his protections with my own..the urge to blame and punish with,"see what you've done" gets really strong with the consequences of his actions.As if these hurtful words help the current situation.They don't..I end up hitting him,then myself(not literally).Compassion is supposed to be the way out,but it doesn't pay the bills.Yet,blaming,or hating myself,if only in my mind doesn't either.Struggling to stay connected to Guidance right now.Is focusing on my intent the most important here? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 03/23/10
Can you give some advice on how to practice and stay more with the guidance/spiritual part of the self? Also- what is your opinion/experience in chakra cleansing - sessions to open/clean chakras- thank you Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 03/01/10
I spent 17 as a Born Again Christian. I left the church for many reasons about 3 years ago. It was a very good move for me. Now I am left with the "laws" in my head and have a hard time connecting because I don't live my life striving to be "Christ Like" the way I was taught. I was taught that when we have sin in our lives we are separated from God until we repent meaning stopping the sin and turning back to God. Well, I live with my boyfriend. That is one "sin" in my life that I feel is right for me, however, when I think about God and all His goodness I feel like I am not worthy of receiving His grace I feel I am letting Him down. In my head I know He loves me no matter what I know I am the apple of His eye, I know He doesn't want me to feel this way. I know He wants me close. I just can't seem to get past it and to Him. I love Him, I want to be close. I just feel like He is disappointed in me. Like I should know better. I feel like I am doing something wrong. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 02/11/10
I struggle to believe there really is anything spiritual. I don't know if I can experience it.I have read your books, but it has not helped.Any other ideas I could try? Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/29/10
I am always working on myself trying to get better. One thing i read about all the time is spirituality but to be honest I'm not exactly sure what it means. i would like to get in touch with that within myself but wouldn't know how to go about it - i know it's a whole lot more that going to church. Thanks. PS - I'm so glad i found this site- it is incredible. I don't know how you respond in such a timely manner but know you are helping so, so many people! Rich D Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/16/10
I receive forwarded political e-mails from friends and family that are not the truth. I know they are lies because I use reliable fact-checking websites. I respond to them in a cordial way and direct them to various resources for the truth. But, having said that, I think I'm addicted to being right. I really like to obsess on these people and their e-mails. I like to say they are agenda-driven and not truth-driven. I have a problem with being smug and self-righteous and I don't think this will help me heal....but it's like a drug. All of a sudden I started crying. I'm 67 years old and I hate adults. I'm unsure about sending this but...here goes. Please help me see how the HIGHER TRUTH about what I do. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/10/10
Some years ago, when I was still drinking, I saw a therapist on a weekly basis who after some time asked me why I dressed "conservatively" and was so "buttoned-up." She told me that most people have sexually-oriented dreams about their therapists and asked me if I had; I had never heard this and truthfully told her no, I had not, and she told me I needed to "loosen up." This morning I was thinking about my Spiritual Guidance, who manifests as the Blessed Mother (Mary) to me, and i get such comfort out of this. She looks darker to me in skin tone than she normally does in artistic renderings, for some reason. And, when I picture her, I picture a soft light around her and I picture her wearing long, flowing robes, mostly white but sometimes pale pink or very pale blue, very beautiful. She is kind and loving and wise. Is something wrong with me that I picture my Guidance mostly covered in long robes? I have issues around sex, food, body image, etc. but hope they are not related. Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 01/03/10
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A Testimonial

Through this process I went from being my last resort to being my own best friend! Meeting my inner-child was the most rewarding moment in my life. I finally experienced the total goodness and light that is the essence of my being -- my true self. What could be a more powerful gift. It feels good to be whole!

Catherine Oxenberg,actress