DAILY INSPIRATION

Every kind act to yourself adds kindness to the world. Every kind act to another adds kindness to the world. We each have the power to change the world through our individual acts of kindness to ourselves and others. We are not powerless to bring about a more loving world, but the changes must start within you.

By Dr. Margaret Paul
 
 
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1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

Welcome to Inner Bonding (IB). IB provides its service to you, subject to the following Terms of Service ("TOS"), which may be updated by us from time to time without notice to you. In addition, when using particular IB services, you and IB shall be subject to any posted guidelines or rules applicable to such services which may be posted from time to time. All such guidelines or rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the TOS. If you are a facilitator on IB, please note that IB provides a different Terms of Service for you. IB also may offer other services from time to time, such as IB Public Store and SelfQuest that are governed by different Terms of Services. These TOS do not apply to facilitators, IB Public Store or SelfQuest or such other services.

2. DESCRIPTION OF SERVICE

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Your correspondence or business dealings with, or participation in activities of, facilitators found on or through the Service, including payment and delivery of related goods or services, and any other terms, conditions, warranties or representations associated with such dealings, are solely between you and such facilitator. You agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage of any sort incurred as the result of any such dealings or as the result of the presence of such advertisers on the Service, including any private face-to-face or phone work that takes place between members and Inner Bonding facilitators. The Inner Bonding processes contained on this Web site are provided for educational purposes only. The Inner Bonding process is not intended to substitute for medical, psychological or other professional services. For medical and psychological diagnosing, prescribing and treatment, you agree to consult a licensed professional.You agree that IB, the Inner Bonding authors and facilitators, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any alleged loss or damage alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the Inner Bonding information or processes contained within.

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19. EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS OF SECTIONS 17 AND 18 MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU.

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If you intend to create or join any service, receive or request any news, messages, alerts or other information from the Service concerning companies, stock quotes, investments or securities, please read the above Sections 17 and 18 again. They go doubly for you. In addition, for this type of information particularly, the phrase "Let the investor beware" is apt. The Service is provided for informational purposes only, and no Content included in the Service is intended for trading or investing purposes. IB and its licensors shall not be responsible or liable for the accuracy, usefulness or availability of any information transmitted or made available via the Service, and shall not be responsible or liable for any trading or investment decisions made based on such information.

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IB's Agent for Notice of claims of copyright or other intellectual property infringement can be reached as follows:

By mail:

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c/o Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc.
PMB #42,
2531 Sawtelle Blvd.,
Los Angeles, CA 90064-3124

By phone: (310) 459-1700
By Fax: (310) 459-1727

By email: innerbonding@innerbonding.com

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The TOS constitute the entire agreement between you and IB and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and IB. You also may be subject to additional terms and conditions that may apply when you use affiliate services, third-party content or third-party software. The TOS and the relationship between you and IB shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and IB agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of Los Angeles, California. The failure of IB to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOS shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOS is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOS remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOS must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. The section titles in the TOS are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect.

25. VIOLATIONS

Please report any violations of the TOS to our Customer Support group.

26. CANCELLATION OF MEMBERSHIP

You pay for membership monthly. We can automatically charge you for each month, if that is what you want. There is no cancellation or refund of your money for that month. You can choose not to renew, but you cannot cancel for a refund.

 

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865 QUESTION(S)
Question
it is very liberating to understand the difference between caretaking/taking and giving/receiving. I now understand my tendency to attract taking people because I tend to lean on the caretaking side. After Inner Bonding I have nearly stopped my caretaking and learned how to be a healthy Giver to those that are opened to learning and not in a way that neglects my own needs. But I want to make sure that my partner and I are building a healthy relationship before we decide to move in together. Right now we take care of our own finances/personal needs most of the time and usually just connect through activities. BUT...Sometimes she asks me to do what she is capable of or tells me how to take care of myself, but it stops when I show her how and let her do it herself. Or when I tell her I can fully take care of myself. So how do we join finances, chores, and her teenage son? I am little scared that we will fall into co-Dependency when we move in together.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 08/04/10
Dear Margaret, I'd like to take my IB learning to a deeper level and attend one of your weekends or intensives. I see that you're holding an East Coast IB weekend in September and that there is a longer 5 day intensive in Colorado in October. Could you explain the difference between those two? Does the cost of the intensive include the accommodation? Thanks.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/29/10
How do I change my password to the site?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/25/10
Now that I have been filling up my own cup, I find the company of others totally unfufilling. What does this mean?
Read the answer by Sheryl Paul - 07/18/10
Through IB, I realize that when others trigger me I can open up to intent to learn. I realize when I allow someone to annoy me, I am abandoning myself and I need to take loving. Action. My question is do I have to wait until I am upset before I take loving action?
Read the answer by Sheryl Paul - 07/18/10
IB is really powerful, it has changed my life immensely, I literally refer everyone I know to the website. However, there is an aspect of IB that is confusing to me, that seems like it could be detrimental. It seems most self-loving to disengage from toxic people that don't treat us well, but I see sometimes your advice encouraging people to try to open up dialogue, work it out with people like that, from a higher place, to grow etc...but I don't think this is healthy. For example, I worked w/ 2 IB facilitators, both were shaming towards me (I realize I attracted this based on false self beliefs, this is changing) - I sensed they were in their heads and not hearts, whenever I am around that toxicity I sense clearly that they don't have good, healthy boundaries and they allow others to treat them badly, so they (unconsciously) take it out on others. I think they learned this from IB, as both encouraged me to stay with people harmful to me.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/10/10
Does inner bonding rewire the brain, the neural pathways that were formed as a child? for instance, as an infant being wired that "abuse is love" if you had abusive caretakers, etc...? they say the brain can be rewired from creating new healthy relationships, would this also apply to the developing healthier relationship between the LA and the IC? It seems like it could actually create new neural pathways based on the truth and not the false beliefs.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/07/10
Where can I find the intimate relationship toolbox course?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 07/06/10
Does the WS ever have any fellowship outside of the LA? Is it possible for the WS to bond with other people, or is that not healthy?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/18/10
Is it common that the WS rejects loving behavior?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/18/10
This word "responsibility." It's tainted for me because for so long I was OVERLYresponsible. Do you have any insight about how to balance this out so I WANT to be responsible for myself and not abandon myself? I think I'm turned off by the word because I am somehow associating it with abandoning myself...... being overly responsible for other people, places, things is one of the ways I abandoned myself. How do I reconcile this word in a new light?
Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 06/14/10
..... me again. When I said "pain from the past" in my previous question, I am referring to the horrible pain of never knowing we were loved for our essence by the people who were designed to do so. And then the subsequent pain of not bonding, having a sense of belonging, etc.
Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 06/14/10
Is not really wanting responsibility and self-abandonment the same thing?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/14/10
I noticed there is a weekend workshop in September, but have there already been any one-day or weekend workshops this year? I know there have been some intensives this year, but have there been any one-day or weekend workshops already this year?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/14/10
I think I keep tripping on some enmeshment in my thinking about being the only one responsible for getting my needs met. For so long, my WS "went it alone" to get her needs met. Today, IB is teaching me how to get my needs met differently, through a LA/HG. But I keep getting tripped on the feeling of "going it alone" when I look at the landscape of this new way of life... it still feels like "going it alone" to me. Some of this is in response to the following post string: http://www.innerbonding.com/show-advice/4217/me-again-an-additional-question-about-place-in.html So, to refine what I am asking, if my LA/HG is responsible for "loving my essence," an evident requirement to finding my place in the world, how is this not "going it alone?" Is it unreasonable to need other people in my life today who, also, love me unconditionally for my essence, and can't this contribute to the healing... so that... I can find my place in the world? I'm desperate to find my place in the world.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/13/10
This is not a question but praise for today's daily inspiration. I really like metaphors and color theory, this one is absolutely brilliant! I totally get it because it shows conflict in a different light and it works so well with Inner Bonding - Thank you. "It takes both the brilliance of the sun and the blackness of sky to create a rainbow. And so it follows, that without conflict life would be colorless". By Dr. Erika Chopich
Read the answer by Dr. Erika - 06/12/10
I was just thinking that it would be helpful to understand how Inner Bonding helps us with the following: We tend to judge or be critical of others in our lives - at work, strangers, relationships of all types, with people we come in contact with in our lives. We see them as people we criticize for whatever reason - they annoy us, irritate us, or we see them as too fat, too thin, too bald, too much hair, too cute, whatever. We treat others around us in the workplace or other places with contempt or just plain don't like them for whatever selfish reason. How does inner bonding fit into this? I can think of people at work whom I really don't like being with for whatever reason. We tend to judge and be critical and non empathetic, including drivers, phone solicitors, etc. How can IB help us with this negative outlook of others, and why is this so common? Thanks - an article would be helpful on this as well.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/11/10
What is meant by the term essence? I know of WS, CS, IC, and LA, but where does the term essence fall?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/09/10
My LA talks alot to my WS and IC. Am I really only supposed to be talking to my IC? Do I comfort my WS and IC or is it only necessary to relate to the IC in these ways. I guess I just need to know how to relate to the WS. Thank you and inner bonding has changed MY life. Eternally grateful!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 06/05/10
I do not think I am doing IB properly. I think this because my inner guidance is telling me this through my feelings of depression and doubt. I want to take responsibility and HEAL these feelings more then ever but something is holding me back and I fear that it is an actual medical condition concerning my mental health. I'm so convinced that I'm broken and cannot be fixed for some reason. This WS thought pattern is so debilitating and it is causing me to suffer internally constantly with a dreadful depression. Living in fear and doubt of yourself 24/7 is no way to live. I have to move on from this depression or it will just continue to get worse. I'm trying my best to stay away from crutches such as drinking. I'm doing pretty well but I have zero friends that want to live without these things. I'm thinking of going to AA for support but I dislike the idea of saying I am going to be sick for the rest of my life. I don't know if I believe I'm an alcoholoic. I don't know what to
Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 06/02/10
Is one of the purposes of step 6 to give the LA an opportunity to fumble around and learn how to actually be a LA?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/29/10
Is it correct to say that there are people who do not have to consciously learn the Inner Bonding process because this process is running automatically inside of them? People who were not abused as children and who had a loving adult looking after them. My husband seems to be one of those people. He certainly encounters people who are not always friendly, but he is never upset or angry about anything. So I assume that this process is IN him while we others (who did not experience a loving childhood) have to learn IB?
Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 05/24/10
Can you point me to any articles about specific and effective ways of how IC bonds with LA in lieu of trying to bond with people, places, and things?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/24/10
Does IB'ing have an impact on us physiologically? Something about grooves in our brain being rewired? Is this draining?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/20/10
Can you help me understand the difference between the intent to protect and loving protective action?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/20/10
Can you please explain in greater depth the difference between your Loving Adult and Guidance? Are they separate or interchangeable qualities? Also, as one grows in the IB process, does LA and Guidance begin to merge or do they retain uniquely different qualities?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/19/10
Hi again! Can you please describe more what and how it means to let go of outcomes? I picture this as letting the chips fall where they may, meaning not focusing on trying to keep a relationship or lifestyle but being willing to be uprooted, changed within and with my lifestyle "props" of comfort and certainty (job, money). My concern with this is does it at some point involve receiving wisdom of God to act in a loving way so that I don't go down with the proverbial ship in my marriage? Sorry for my confusion, but I'd like to delve deeper into this if you don't mind helping. Thanks
Read the answer by Sylvia Poareo - 12/31/69
Why do we abandon ourselves? I've noticed through my own experiences that most of my WS behaviors are a result of my own self abandonment. But I'm not sure what causes my self abandonment in the first place.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/17/10
My husband wants/needs/and is taking time for himself and sometimes stays away overnight at one of our empty apartments. That seems to really hurt me. I went over to talk to him tonight when he said he wasn't coming home. I phoned him from outside. The lights were all off and he said he didn't really want to get into stuff now, because he was pretty well settled down. I said maybe when we do talk we could discuss a plan that would work for both of us b/c I'm finding this one too hard. He agreed. I said, Well, I guess I'll just go home. I squealed out of the parking lot. I'm so angry. I think my marriage is pretty well over, if he couldn't have any compassion on me and just invite me in for a hug. I'm so hurt and angry. - JH
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/16/10
in the process, at what point do we ask ourselves :why am i telling myself these beliefs?" and "what or who am I trying to control?"
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret - 05/15/10
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A Testimonial

"Once Again, Margaret Paul brings her expertise and her loving concern to the question of how to heal our relationships in her newest book, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? This time, she talks about our most important relationship, that with God and she provides clear and beautiful direction to guide us through our areas of wounding and resistance to a transformative connection with our Higher Power. Read this book! It could change your life."

MARY MANIN MORRESSEY,senior minister, Living Enrichment Center, author, Building Your Field of Dreams