Welcome to the
Inner Bonding
Internet Village

Parenting

The Resource that you have requested is reserved for paid Supporting Members only.

We want you! In our discussions, chat, advice column, learning center, Creative Expression and Comfort Corner!  Won't you please join?

You may subscribe using the form below, or click here for a full description of the benefits of membership.



Login
User Name
Password
 

Registration/Subscription - Step 1 of 2
Registration Type Yes, I want to join as a paid Supporting Member - $9.95/month.
No Thank You - Please register me as a free user.
First Name
Last Name
E-Mail
Username
Password
Confirm Password
 

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

Welcome to Inner Bonding (IB). IB provides its service to you, subject to the following Terms of Service ("TOS"), which may be updated by us from time to time without notice to you. In addition, when using particular IB services, you and IB shall be subject to any posted guidelines or rules applicable to such services which may be posted from time to time. All such guidelines or rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the TOS. If you are a facilitator on IB, please note that IB provides a different Terms of Service for you. IB also may offer other services from time to time, such as IB Public Store and SelfQuest that are governed by different Terms of Services. These TOS do not apply to facilitators, IB Public Store or SelfQuest or such other services.

2. DESCRIPTION OF SERVICE

IB currently provides users with access to a rich collection of resources, including, various communications tools, forums, shopping services, personalized content and branded programming through its network of properties (the "Service"). You also understand and agree that the service may include certain communications from IB, such as service announcements, administrative messages and the Inner Bonding Journal, and that these communications are considered part of IB membership. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any new features that augment or enhance the current Service, including the release of new IB properties, shall be subject to the TOS. You understand and agree that the Service is provided "AS-IS" and that IB assumes no responsibility for the timeliness, deletion, mis-delivery or failure to store any user communications or personalization settings. You are responsible for obtaining access to the Service and that access may involve third party fees (such as Internet service provider or airtime charges). You are responsible for those fees. In addition, you must provide and are responsible for all equipment necessary to access the Service.

3. YOUR REGISTRATION OBLIGATIONS

In consideration of your use of the Service, you agree to: (a) provide true, accurate, current and complete information about yourself as prompted by the Service's registration form (such information being the "Registration Data") and (b) maintain and promptly update the Registration Data to keep it true, accurate, current and complete. If you provide any information that is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, or IB has reasonable grounds to suspect that such information is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, IB has the right to suspend or terminate your account and refuse any and all current or future use of the Service (or any portion thereof). IB is concerned about the safety and privacy of all its users, particularly children. For this reason, parents of children under the age of 13 who wish to allow their children access to the Service must create a IB Account for their child. When you create a IB Account for your child, you certify that you are at least 18 years old and that you are the legal guardian of the child listed on the IB Account. By giving a child an IB Account, you also give your child permission to access all of the Services including, email, message boards, personals, instant messages and chat (among others). Please remember that the Service is designed to appeal to a broad audience. Accordingly, as the legal guardian, it is your responsibility to determine whether any of the Services and/or Content (as defined in Section 6 below) are appropriate for your child.

4. IB PRIVACY POLICY

Registration Data and certain other information about you is subject to our Privacy Policy

5. MEMBER ACCOUNT, PASSWORD AND SECURITY

You will receive a password and account designation upon completing the Service's registration process. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the password and account, and are fully responsible for all activities that occur under your password or account. You agree to (a) immediately notify IB of any unauthorized use of your password or account or any other breach of security, and (b) ensure that you exit from your account at the end of each session. IB cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to comply with this Section 5.

6. MEMBER CONDUCT

You understand that all information, data, text, software, music, sound, photographs, graphics, video, messages or other materials ("Content"), whether publicly posted or privately transmitted, are the sole responsibility of the person from which such Content originated. This means that you, and not IB, are entirely responsible for all Content that you upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available via the Service. IB does not control the Content posted via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity or quality of such Content. You understand that by using the Service, you may be exposed to Content that is offensive, indecent or objectionable. Under no circumstances will IB be liable in any way for any Content, including, but not limited to, for any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted or otherwise made available via the Service. You agree to not use the Service to: a. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; b. harm minors in any way; c. impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a IB official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity; d. forge headers or otherwise manipulate identifiers in order to disguise the origin of any Content transmitted through the Service; e. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that you do not have a right to make available under any law or under contractual or fiduciary relationships (such as inside information, proprietary and confidential information learned or disclosed as part of employment relationships or under nondisclosure agreements); f. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights ("Rights") of any party; g. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain letters," "pyramid schemes," or any other form of solicitation, except in those areas (such as designated chat rooms, message boards) that are designated for such purpose; h. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any material that contains software viruses or any other computer code, files or programs designed to interrupt, destroy or limit the functionality of any computer software or hardware or telecommunications equipment; i. disrupt the normal flow of dialogue, cause a screen to "scroll" faster than other users of the Service are able to type, or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users' ability to engage in real time exchanges; j. interfere with or disrupt the Service or servers or networks connected to the Service, or disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to the Service; k. intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable local, state, national or international law, including, but not limited to, regulations promulgated by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, any rules of any national or other securities exchange, including, without limitation, the New York Stock Exchange, the American Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ, and any regulations having the force of law; l. "stalk" or otherwise harass another; or m. collect or store personal data about other users. You acknowledge that IB does not pre-screen Content, but that IB and its designees shall have the right (but not the obligation) in their sole discretion to refuse or move any Content that is available via the Service. Without limiting the foregoing, IB and its designees shall have the right to remove any Content that violates the TOS or is otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any Content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such Content. In this regard, you acknowledge that you may not rely on any Content created by IB or submitted to IB, including without limitation information in IB Message Boards, IB Chat Rooms, and in all other parts of the Service. You acknowledge and agree that IB may preserve Content and may also disclose Content if required to do so by law or in the good faith belief that such preservation or disclosure is reasonably necessary to: (a) comply with legal process; (b) enforce the TOS; (c) respond to claims that any Content violates the rights of third-parties; or (d) protect the rights, property, or personal safety of IB, its users and the public. You understand that the technical processing and transmission of the Service, including your Content, may involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices.

7. SPECIAL ADMONITIONS FOR INTERNATIONAL USE

Recognizing the global nature of the Internet, you agree to comply with all local rules regarding online conduct and acceptable Content. Specifically, you agree to comply with all applicable laws regarding the transmission of technical data exported from the United States or the country in which you reside.

8. CONTENT SUBMITTED OR MADE AVAILABLE FOR INCLUSION ON THE SERVICE

IB does not claim ownership of Content you submit or make available for inclusion on the Service. However, with respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, you grant IB the following world-wide, royalty free and non-exclusive license(s), as applicable:

* With respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of IB, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purposes of providing and promoting the specific IB to which such Content was submitted or made available.

* With respect to photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible area of the Service, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purpose for which such Content was submitted or made available. This license exists only for as long as you elect to continue to include such Content on the Service and will terminate at the time you remove or IB removes such Content from the Service.

* With respect to Content other than photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, the perpetual, irrevocable and fully sublicensable license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, publicly perform and publicly display such Content (in whole or in part) and to incorporate such Content into other works in any format or medium now known or later developed. "Publicly accessible" areas of the Service are those areas of the IB network of properties that are intended by IB to be available to the general public. By way of example, publicly accessible areas of the Service would include IB Message Boards and portions of IB Chat Rooms and IB Free Questions and Answers that are open to both members and visitors. However, publicly accessible areas of the Service would not include portions of IB Private Question and Answers and IB Private Chat Sessions that are limited to members, IB services intended for private communication such as IB MailCenter or IB Private Chat Room, or areas off of the IB network of properties such as portions of World Wide Web sites that are accessible through IB but are not hosted or served by IB.

9. INDEMNITY

You agree to indemnify and hold IB, and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, agents, co-branders or other partners, and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of Content you submit, post, transmit or make available through the Service, your use of the Service, your connection to the Service, your violation of the TOS, or your violation of any rights of another. You agree that IB is not liable for, nor is Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc., Dr. Margaret Paul, or Dr. Erka Chopich liable for any alleged damage resulting from help in the Chat Room or from the Advice - Q&A.

10. NO RESALE OF SERVICE

You agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit for any commercial purposes, any portion of the Service, use of the Service, or access to the Service.

11. GENERAL PRACTICES REGARDING USE AND STORAGE

You acknowledge that IB may establish general practices and limits concerning use of the Service, including without limitation the maximum number of days that email messages, message board postings or other uploaded Content will be retained by the Service, the maximum number of email messages that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum size of any email message that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum disk space that will be allotted on IB's servers on your behalf, and the maximum number of times (and the maximum duration for which) you may access the Service in a given period of time. You agree that IB has no responsibility or liability for the deletion or failure to store any messages and other communications or other Content maintained or transmitted by the Service. You acknowledge that IB reserves the right to log off accounts that are inactive for an extended period of time. You further acknowledge that IB reserves the right to change these general practices and limits at any time, in its sole discretion, with or without notice.

12. MODIFICATIONS TO SERVICE IB

IB reserves the right at any time and from time to time to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Service (or any part thereof) with or without notice. You agree that IB shall not be liable to you or to any third party for any modification, suspension or discontinuance of the Service.

13. TERMINATION

You agree that IB, in its sole discretion, may terminate your password, account (or any part thereof) or use of the Service, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, for lack of use or if IB believes that you have violated or acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOS. IB may also in its sole discretion and at any time discontinue providing the Service, or any part thereof, with or without notice. You agree that any termination of your access to the Service under any provision of this TOS may be effected without prior notice, and acknowledge and agree that IB may immediately deactivate or delete your account and all related information and files in your account and/or bar any further access to such files or the Service. Further, you agree that IB shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service.

14. DEALINGS WITH FACILITATORS

Your correspondence or business dealings with, or participation in activities of, facilitators found on or through the Service, including payment and delivery of related goods or services, and any other terms, conditions, warranties or representations associated with such dealings, are solely between you and such facilitator. You agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage of any sort incurred as the result of any such dealings or as the result of the presence of such advertisers on the Service, including any private face-to-face or phone work that takes place between members and Inner Bonding facilitators. The Inner Bonding processes contained on this Web site are provided for educational purposes only. The Inner Bonding process is not intended to substitute for medical, psychological or other professional services. For medical and psychological diagnosing, prescribing and treatment, you agree to consult a licensed professional.You agree that IB, the Inner Bonding authors and facilitators, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any alleged loss or damage alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the Inner Bonding information or processes contained within.

15. LINKS

The Service may provide, or third parties may provide, links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Because IB has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that IB is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any Content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources. You further acknowledge and agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such Content, goods or services available on or through any such site or resource.

16. IB'S PROPRIETARY RIGHTS

You acknowledge and agree that the Service and any necessary software used in connection with the Service ("Software") contain proprietary and confidential information that is protected by applicable intellectual property and other laws. You further acknowledge and agree that Content contained in interactions with facilitators or information presented to you through the Service or facilitators is protected by copyrights, trademarks, service marks, patents or other proprietary rights and laws. Except as expressly authorized by IB or facilitators, you agree not to modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute or create derivative works based on the Service or the Software, in whole or in part. IB grants you a personal, non-transferable and non-exclusive right and license to use the object code of its Software on a single computer; provided that you do not (and do not allow any third party to) copy, modify, create a derivative work of, reverse engineer, reverse assemble or otherwise attempt to discover any source code, sell, assign, sublicense, grant a security interest in or otherwise transfer any right in the Software. You agree not to modify the Software in any manner or form, or to use modified versions of the Software, including (without limitation) for the purpose of obtaining unauthorized access to the Service. You agree not to access the Service by any means other than through the interface that is provided by IB for use in accessing the Service.

17. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT:

a. YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. IB EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT.

b. IB MAKES NO WARRANTY THAT (i) THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, (ii) THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (iii) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE USE OF THE SERVICE WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (iv) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, AND (V) ANY ERRORS IN THE SOFTWARE WILL BE CORRECTED.

c. ANY MATERIAL DOWNLOADED OR OTHERWISE OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THE SERVICE IS DONE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM OR LOSS OF DATA THAT RESULTS FROM THE DOWNLOAD OF ANY SUCH MATERIAL.

d. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, OBTAINED BY YOU FROM IB OR THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE SHALL CREATE ANY WARRANTY NOT EXPRESSLY STATED IN THE TOS.

18. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT IB SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES (EVEN IF IB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), RESULTING FROM: (i) THE USE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SERVICE; (ii) THE COST OF PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS AND SERVICES RESULTING FROM ANY GOODS, DATA, INFORMATION OR SERVICES PURCHASED OR OBTAINED OR MESSAGES RECEIVED OR TRANSACTIONS ENTERED INTO THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE; (iii) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA; (iv) STATEMENTS OR CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY ON THE SERVICE; OR (v) ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE SERVICE.

19. EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS OF SECTIONS 17 AND 18 MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU.

20. SPECIAL ADMONITION FOR SERVICES RELATING TO FINANCIAL MATTERS

If you intend to create or join any service, receive or request any news, messages, alerts or other information from the Service concerning companies, stock quotes, investments or securities, please read the above Sections 17 and 18 again. They go doubly for you. In addition, for this type of information particularly, the phrase "Let the investor beware" is apt. The Service is provided for informational purposes only, and no Content included in the Service is intended for trading or investing purposes. IB and its licensors shall not be responsible or liable for the accuracy, usefulness or availability of any information transmitted or made available via the Service, and shall not be responsible or liable for any trading or investment decisions made based on such information.

21. NOTICE

Notices to you may be made via either email or regular mail. The Service may also provide notices of changes to the TOS or other matters by displaying notices or links to notices to you generally on the Service.

22. TRADEMARK INFORMATION

IB, the Inner Bonding logo, SelfQuest, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies trademarks and service marks, and other IB logos and product and service names are trademarks of Inner Bonding Educational Technologies Inc. (the "Inner Bonding Marks"). Without Inner Bonding's prior permission, you agree not to display or use in any manner, the Inner Bonding Marks.

23. COPYRIGHTS and COPYRIGHT AGENTS

IB respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, or your intellectual property rights have been otherwise violated, please provide IB's Copyright Agent the following information:

1. an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright or other intellectual property interest;
2. a description of the copyrighted work or other intellectual property that you claim has been infringed;
3. a description of where the material that you claim is infringing is located on the site;
4. your address, telephone number, and email address;
5. a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law;
6. a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your Notice is accurate and that you are the copyright or intellectual property owner or authorized to act on the copyright or intellectual property owner's behalf.

IB's Agent for Notice of claims of copyright or other intellectual property infringement can be reached as follows:

By mail:

Copyright Agent
c/o Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc.
PMB #42,
2531 Sawtelle Blvd.,
Los Angeles, CA 90064-3124

By phone: (310) 459-1700
By Fax: (310) 459-1727

By email: innerbonding@innerbonding.com

24. GENERAL INFORMATION

The TOS constitute the entire agreement between you and IB and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and IB. You also may be subject to additional terms and conditions that may apply when you use affiliate services, third-party content or third-party software. The TOS and the relationship between you and IB shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and IB agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of Los Angeles, California. The failure of IB to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOS shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOS is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOS remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOS must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. The section titles in the TOS are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect.

25. VIOLATIONS

Please report any violations of the TOS to our Customer Support group.

26. CANCELLATION OF MEMBERSHIP

You pay for membership monthly. We can automatically charge you for each month, if that is what you want. There is no cancellation or refund of your money for that month. You can choose not to renew, but you cannot cancel for a refund.

 

I agree with the terms of the Inner Bonding Village user agreement
 


46 QUESTION(S)
Question
It is so hard for me that my son chooses not to tell me of his whereabouts when that is a ground rule. There is always some good reason that he has why I don't find out where he was until after he arrives home. I have no idea how to communicate this correctly to him, without being angry, or highly stressed, or what really to do when the rule is disregarded. We have talked about safety. How can I not control him and still uphold boundaries about him respecting my desire for his safety?? I hope this question is clearer than my sense of craziness and frustration right now!! Thank you
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Friends, I'm working with a wonderful IB facilitator and am coming along a bit in developing my Loving Adult! I'm so grateful for this; I know it takes time and practice. What I've found myself feeling so concerned over these past couple of weeks is my daughter. She is 11 years old and knows I'm practicing the Inner Bonding (and has asked me about the doll I am using for the process), knows about our (her dad's and my) attendance at AA for years, and knows I'm in therapy and taking meds for depression. Last night I got a clear message from my Guidance that trying Overeaters Anonymous would be a good loving action. In addition to AA, I also attend one SIA (Survivors of Incest) meeting per week. Do you think all this attempt at recovery could be damaging for a child, i.e., her knowing that I have all these difficulties? I'm sure it must be better than being drunk, depressed, and miserable all the time. I just hope it won't make her run from it if ever she needs it. Thanks
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
This morning there was a nasty note pinned to my bedroom door, demanding that I clean the cat's ***** There is ***** all over the house My first reflex is anger, now it is going to be to ask him to remove the sign, but other than that, I am thoroughly embarrassed that I don't know a " clean " way to handle this disrespect other than removing computer privileges. This is part of an ongoing pattern of disrespect. I don't want to get angry or reactive, but am at a loss at WHAT to do!! Thank You!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My son (16 months) still wakes quite frequently in the night and needs me or my husband to be present for him to go back to sleep (he sleeps on a mattress on the floor). As a result we are often all a bit sleep deprived. I read the Continuum Concept and other Attachment Parenting books that recommend co-sleeping and so as I agree with the principles and I want to get some sleep I often spend a large part of the night with my son. However I also tend to agree with you that a toddler should be able to get to sleep on his own so I am a bit confused. I don't know how to get from here to there in the least stressful way but I do feel that a good nights sleep for us all is now the most important thing. Any ideas? Thanks.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hi, I have just been reading the article 'are you addicted to your children'. Can you give me some examples of a 'solid spiritual practice? Thanks
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My son (age 7) is at times very resistant to any sort of feedback. Whether it's school work (i.e. pointing out when he's formed his letters backwards) or baseball (his coach will correct him) or when playing with friends (if he's not taking turns). We (my husband and I) work so very hard to try to show him he's valuable and we love him for who he is but there are times when he just simply needs some instruction, in learning a new skill or whatever, and he completely breaks down under these circumstances. I'm at a loss as to what to do for him. I see his behavior during these times as his wounded self with a false belief about his value as a person (i.e. value is tied to performance) and I am trying to teach him the truth that we love him no matter what, but instruction at times in inevitable and he is so very, very emotional. What else can I do for him?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Hi, I have another parenting question. I have been taking my son to swimming lessons since he was very small, he is now 15 months. We were with a teacher whom he loved but she has been unable to continue teaching. We have now moved to a different class with a new 2 new teachers and have had 2 lessons so far. They are very hands on and take him from me on several occasions throughout the class. But each time they take him he screams and screams and I hate it and feel dreadful. He used to love swimming but now seems a little less enthusiastic. The other mums in the class who I know well have experienced similar with their children but they don't seem to be so bothered with their child's reaction. I feel torn about whether to continue with these lessons (which are all paid for up front) as I don't know whether I am just projecting my own fears and anxieties onto Jack or whether my feelings are correct. We missed class today as Jack is ill and I am relieved! Any advice?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
How much does a parent need to be present for teenagers? I am gone a lot at night. I try my best to have some food ready to heat up, and not use the packaged food too much. When my son complains that there isn't enough food, I imagine he's telling me that I am not there enough for him. I've tried talking with him about it, and he's very closed and insists that he is fine, so I drop it. Still, I have this nagging feeling that it isn't ok. I don't know where this guilt comes from thinking that I am "bad" for developing my own life by going to school.It's been hard to focus on studying, guilt seems to be the cause. My thinking is really out of whack around this! Thanks for your thoughts!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
When one is just beginning in the IB process and starting to develop a loving adult, how do we know if we are hurting our children by being unloving to ourselves? I believe my husband and I are very loving to our daughter, but not perfect, of course. Neither one of us want to repeat what our parents gave/didn't give us. But when we are cruel to ourselves, don't treat ourselves with love or respect, how can we communicate with an 11-year-old that we are beginning healing work now? Is it actually OK to apologize to her when she sees us doing or saying something that is not healthy, or is it OK when we notice it that we tell her we are making an attempt now to do things differently? We love this little girl with all our hearts and know she will be more well if she sees us loving ourselves. Thank you.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I have a 15 month old son and I am rather concerned that I may be using him to fill my inner emptiness in much the same way as my own mother did to me. I am new to inner bonding and just beginning to create a spiritual guidance. I have been reading your articles about emotional incest and agree that I need to find something to do beyond raising my son that fulfills me and ensure that I have good adult connections. I notice within me a huge resistance to finding something else to do and I can't seem to figure it out but I think it is fear based (fear of failure, fear of authority, fear of other people). Also I don't want my son to feel abandoned by me if my attention is elsewhere (but I may be projecting my own fears of abandonment on to him?) I think I am shying away from taking responsibility for my feelings. How can I move forward here? Thanks
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Margaret: I just got home from the ER where my daughter was brought this afternoon as a result of having such a bad panic attack that she literally couldn't breathe - so she ran her car off the road (safely) and called 911. Her dad called me as soon as he knew what was happening and I made it to the ER just before she arrived in an ambulance on oxygen. She was still hyperventilating & panicked & her hands and feet were numb. She was there waiting, for between 2-3 hrs. Both her dad & I were right there for her. You know the background here - she has told me she doesn't want to see me until the divorce is over, yet there I was. She did not look at me, when I put my hand on her shoulder or took her hand, she pulled away and wouldn't even make eye-contact with me - until I was the one who managed to get a call through to her boyfriend, then she thanked me. It was crushing to be treated like this. Once she was discharged, she wouldn't let me hug her. I am devastated; my inner kid too.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My nine year old son is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a variation of Autism. He has been physically hurt at school 4 times this month by bullies. He is very mellow and kind, no tantrums. Last week he tried to hurt himself because he felt nobody at school liked him and he in his words is 'nothing' at school. Tomorrow I am going to school to meet with the principal. To what extent should I keep him in school and try to make them protect him or take him out of school for safety, both emotional and physical? I want him to learn to deal with difficult emotions/people, but I don't know to what degree?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My 8 year old son does not like to eat fruit or vegetables. I have read over and over again that it is my job to present a balanced healthy meal, and my child's job to choose what he wants to eat from it. If I present a meal with pasta and a vegetable, my son will fill up on pasta without every touching a vegetable - even if it means asking for second and third helpings of pasta. I have seen this played out time and time again for as long as I can remember. So, now I do not give him second helpings of his preferred food until he eats some of his vegetables. I suspect I am being controlling and perpetuating a power struggle, but don't know what else to do.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My girlfriend's 25-year old sister with a 2-year old daughter is going through a divorce. She "dumped" her daughter with her grandma and takes of partying, dating other guys, etc. Her ex is a marine that just came back from Iraq and can't take care of his daughter. My girlfriend wants to take her niece (she has a 4-year old daughter of her own) to provide her with the love and attention that she needs right now but doesn't get from her own mother. Talking to her sister doesn't help.. she won't listen and keeps increasing her addictive behavior (and my girlfriend really knows how to talk). Her sister has never been very motherly, e.g. it's possible that she doesn't want to be a mother anymore. Is this the right thing to do for her niece? Is this the right thing to do for her sister?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My 44 year old son is diagnosed bi-polar, mainly depressed. He cannot function in society and is on disability. I would like to have a relationship with him but do not know how without being consumed with his needs. I have learned boundaries and can say no but I do not know how to have a good balance. Are there guidelines that can help me within the Inner Bonding Community and can you direct me? I am afraid that one day he will die and I will not have done all that I can do without the guilt.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Is it posible to teach a child with emotional issues compassion, empathy and social skills? Any book that can help? Thanks
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
In the book "Unconditional Parenting" the author suggests that walking away from a child is love withdrawl and children will feel only conditional love if you do it. How do you take care of yourself in the face of your children's controlling behavior with out seemingly withdrawing love?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I have discovered that a 3yo part of me is often controlling my interactions with my kids. She wants me to remember I vowed that when I was grown I would NEVER disregard my children's wishes as my parents did mine. She is the one who makes me feel unable to say no to my kids. To say no feels like I am violating her by making her break her vow. Then she hates me just as she did my parents. How do I deal with this issue with her?
Read the answer by
I read a Q&A in which you said it is always difficult to care for oneself in a situation that punishes you for doing so. I find this to be exactly the case when trying to take care of myself in relation to my teens. Especially my 17yo son finds ways to punish me for setting limits. And I feel guilty because I have set limits unlovingly in the past, which he exploits. How do I respond to his criticisms of how I have been unfair in the past?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My son (age7) seems to have a mean streak. He isn't easily phased by emotion of others and is sometimes rough with other kids. I try to parent with gentleness and love but I am also tough on him about what my expectations are about how he treats others. Seems to help, but I still feel confused about how to teach compassion? It comes so easily for my daughter.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
It seems to me that "Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by My Kids" should have been called "What Do My Kids Have to Give Up to Be Loved by Me?" I get it that I do this to my kids. But I need more help not giving up ME to THEM. It's like I was bossed around by my dad so much that I'll let anyone boss me around - including my teenagers. I catch myself thinking I'll just put up with whatever they do and eventually be free of their demands. But that's sad and lonely.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
? If a parent wants to motivate their children because they are confident their children are capable of doing better as in sports or in studies, how do you help them to improve? Does it really help to say I'll buy you this or that if you place higher on a list? What can you do to help them increase their esteem?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Dear Dr.Margaret, Initially, I asked how I could break the negative patterns of communication with my 15 yr.old son. Somehow the IB process that I am doing with myself is really disconnected with the fact that I have a real life 15 yr.old child that is really hurt by my shifts from authoritarianism and doormat. I really feel at a loss on how to connect with him when he so often feels closed to me. How do I nuture the relationship while respecting his need for space? Thank You!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My son is very angry at my ex for being hateful toward me during our split. Although I tried my best to stay positive, he made that very difficult by his actions. I've spoken to my son about being compassionate etc but he isn't interested in listening. My ex is a very sick man...coke addict, drug addict, alcoholic, bank fraud, gambler etc. I am not sure what to say to my son. I know he is angry about how my ex treated me and wish I could help move him out of his anger.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My daughter returned Weds from a 1 yr Volunteer Org and am I deeply saddened that she already desperately wants to get out of here. She is disgusted when I take my car instead of walk, eat meat,etc. I was so anxious to have her home but she is so different, I can't seem to do anything right. I know it isn't just me, it's everyone. I just want to love her. I'm sad because the program is over and she can't go back and she is so lonely. I don't know how to help her, or myself.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I have a 20 yr.old who has moved out, leaving half his stuff in the room w/a lot of garbage(beer,bottles of alcohol-he has a deadline to clean up or I clean up ( I'm resentful about that) The thing is that I feel torn up, guilty about my poor parenting & angry with him for being so irresponsible(incurred massive debt & reposession)I don't think he minds that I clean up his room-but I do--he's not allowed to come back to house, he did & i asked him to leave-any advice? Thanks!
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
My oldest son, Josh has been diagnosed as Bipolar2. He is almost 18 and graduates next month. He refuses to believe it or get help in learning how to deal with the disorder. I am torn between being there for him and protecting my younger kids from his outbursts of anger. Family counseling has not helped. How can I take the loving action for everyone involved?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
I am trying to learn how to take care of me and Tammy first, but as a mother of minor children that is hard. How do I know I am not neglecting their needs over mine? Some days I can barely take care of me. Then I have to worry about one child's behavior affecting the safety of the rest of us. My door was kicked in today by a teen chasing my son wanting to fight with him. Josh seems to always be in the middle of something bad. How do I take care of us all?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
Last night I came home after having asked my son to do a chore to find that it had not been done. I was annoyed and angry with him and told him loudly (not yelling) such. Then, I immediately felt unsure about taking care of myself vs taking care of him and whether I should have been angry at all or if that was ridiculous. What is my responsiblity to my inner child versus my responsibility to my son... is it ok to get angry with him for not doing what was asked?
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret Paul
I have very recently begun to study and practice inner bonding. I am a single mother with two children, both with the Attention Deficit Disorder. My youngest was recently expelled from an excellent private school because of her disruptive behavior. I have no family here and their father is emotionally absent. When I question my inner child she just seems to keep saying that she's tired. I have no idea how to care for all three of these wounded children alone.
Read the answer by Dr. Margaret
12
 

A Testimonial

"As my 2nd Intensive, this was an even more profound and wonderful experience.  The safety and authenticity that are created in this group allowed me (& others) to go deep into feelings, emotions, insecurities & false beliefs.  Everything was well thought out in the Intensive - focusing on always being open & in the truth constantly.  The amazing process of learning to work with, heal & evolve completely within oneself is a brilliant & revolutionary method - completely unique." Santa Barbara, CA Intensive, 2/08

Lisa Mansfield,Real Estate Agent

 

Join Our Community
-
Learning Center
- Advice - Q&A
- Comfort Corner
- Creative Expression
- Relationship help
- Parenting Advice
- Chat
- Discussions Boards
- Discounts on Products
- Erika's Everything Blog
- Video demonstrations

Get help with your spiritual connection and inner healing process.

Membership only
$9.95 per month
Money-back Guarantee!

Free Inner Bonding Course

Intensive workshops with Dr. Paul and other Inner Bonding Facilitators.
Intensive Workshops

Join our on-line chat
Discover SelfQuest the Inner Bonding Software Package