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Addiction to Militancy

By Phyhllis Stein, Ph.D.
December 31, 2006



Do you believe that you have to do something about all of the wrongs in the world, even if you acutally can't. Phyllis Stein explores the subtle addiction the underlies this feeling.

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All of us are familiar with the feeling of worry and the energy that goes with it. Many of us, before we started to do Inner Bonding, were worry-magnets - we worried about everything. We looked for things to worry about. Many of us learned this from our parents. It is clear that worry is an addiction that keeps us from feeling our helplessness. We believe that worrying will provide a better outcome than not worrying. Recently, I became aware of my own more subtle addiction, another way to keep from feeling helpless. I call it the addiction to militancy.

I have always had a strong sense of right and wrong. What I had never questioned, though, was my intense internal reaction to things that are wrong or need fixing, for example injustice, or people acting in hurtful ways and, specifically, as I have written in other columns, my husband's leaving me for another woman. I grew up in a political family, and everything that happened in the world was seen through the lens of justice and injustice. My parents were deeply scarred by the holocaust and the belief that it happened, in part, because people were not militant enough. What I did not realize was that, as a result, my little girl felt an obligation to react to all the wrongs in the world with the energy of militancy and to never let up. Picture a warrior rising up with a sword declaring "This is wrong!" I did that on the internal level, every time I saw something wrong. I believed that if I did not do it, it was the same as letting evil reign. Often, I would go out of my way to try to get people to see how bad or crazy something was. What I could not do was let go of this reaction and let be it okay, on the internal level, that something wrong had happened. So, in a way I took responsibility for the whole world. Symbolically I took energetic responsibility for making the trains run on time. It was automatic. It was controlling. It was a way to not feel helpless. If I reacted with militancy then somehow I was keeping worse things from happening. When I dialogued with spirit about this, I was told that if I was supposed to do something to help, I would be told what to do, and if I was not told to do something, there was nothing I was supposed to do or take responsibility for, even energetically.

It had never occurred to me to not take it all on. Since I had always done it, I had never noticed how exhausting it actually was. I got that I do not HAVE to do this anymore. That the world will not fall apart and evil will not take over if I let go of the militancy and move to acceptance when "bad" things happen. They matter, but they do not Matter. An amazing thing has happened as a result. Life has gotten easier for one thing. Forgiveness became possible. Militancy stands in the way of forgiveness, because forgiveness is acceptance. But more than that, I have gotten to gratitude. With the obligation to stand up and declare forever that "This is wrong" gone, what happens, what seems at first to be a great wrong, can become a great blessing, a gift from God. And it has.


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Comments

Author Comment Date

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
It feels a little odd to comment on my own column, but today I was talking with a friend who is involved with a man who is into promoting conspiracy theories. I realized that people who do that are at the extreme end of this same addiction. They are at the point of being truly "strung out," really like junkies, unable to stop using. 03/19/2007 02:55 PM

Jimmy305
Miami Florida
Phyllis,
Enjoyed reading your comments about your militant reactions to things that are wrong. Lots of good insight there for many of us. I related it to something I call big world/little world. The world I can really effect, actually do something about is my own little world. Much of my strong reactions came from the big world.. like the White House,Iraq,Miami city public housing fraud,Darfur, and so many many more. With IB, I am coming to the same sort of idea you have, namely that the big concerns of mine are really more inside me than in Washington or London. I think I'll take care of my small world for now.. and that feels healthier.
Jimmy
03/20/2007 05:13 AM

shuggashugga
West Hartford Connecticut
WOW! I find this SO hard to accept!!! I think I see your point, but I also really believe our country is sinking fast because fewer and fewer people take their responsibility as citizens seriously. This is a democracy, and it's critical that people stand up and say "NO" when we see such abuses of power as are going on now. To me, that is moral outrage, which Margaret says is OK. I believe our individual rights and the Constitution itself are under attack, and we need to #1, be aware, not just go into a fog and #2, take action whereever we can (protests, letters to congress, donations to ACLU, etc). If I just concern myself with my little corner and let the thugs continue, I am contributing to our demise as a Democracy. You must have felt the same way, judging from your article. How areyou able to reconcile this? 03/20/2007 06:52 AM

Jimmy305
Miami Florida
I am not sure what to say about how to balance the big world problems vs. taking care of my own little world. I just have this feeling that it is very easy to be into big big issues while ignoring little ones.. like our own lives! I can explain it but it sort of feels like some way to avoid getting my own house in order by being so concerned with the " world ". I agree also we need to be informed citizens and act, but some balanced way so that we don't use the big world as an excuse.. something like that. I need to work on it. Jimmy 03/20/2007 03:50 PM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Hello

You both bring up important issues. I agree, if you take action, then you are putting actions behind your words and that is important. However, just as something like spirituality can be either a way to truly connect with your highest good or can be an addiction, the question is always what is really going on. An addiction is a way to avoid feelings, even if the addiction is to something "good" like meditation. So what I am saying is that I realized that my reaction to things, my seeking of things to be militant about, my inability to let them go, my inability to forgive without the other person seeing that they were wrong, were about my way of dealing with helplessness. So I agree with Jimmy305 that it is very easy to get sucked into putting all our emotional energy into the big problems as a way to not deal with our inner kids. And I agree with you that this does not mean that we never take action. I would suggest to you, as an inner bonder, that you really tune into what is happening inside you first, and see if this is a way to avoid something, not that you stop taking action.

Does that help?

Hugs

Phyllis
03/21/2007 04:56 AM

Jimmy305
Miami Florida
Phyllis I know you are an accomplished inner bonder so I have a question for you if you would be so kind. Your original article was about your "militant" feelings over making things "right", and most everyone would agree with the sort of issues you feel strongly about.. and yet you let us know something was off about these feelings, as you came to realze. In the last thread you said what was really going on was " my way of dealing with helplessness". Ok, so my question is, do you think people tend to manifest, act out, the opposite of what their true feelings are.. act militant because of helpless feelings, etc. ? Thanks for your comments,
Jimmy
03/23/2007 03:23 AM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Hello Jimmy

I am glad that I noticed this question before it got buried. There is a lot going on with these message boards. I am not sure that things are always the opposite. What I would say for sure is that feeling helpless is that hardest thing for us when we were growing up and that we always coped with it by doing something that made us feel like we had at least the possibility of doing something about it. So, if I were to generalize, I think it would be that a lot of behavior comes down to avoiding helplessness, that the true feeling that we are protecting against is often helplessness no matter what the behavior looks like.

Did I answer your question?

Hugs

Phyllis
03/23/2007 04:32 PM

Jimmy305
Miami Florida
Phyllis, Thanks for the answer. I have the feeling that you are right about avoiding helplessness being the motivator for a lot of behaviour. As a child like solution it must seem pretty attractive to be Big and Angry rather than helpless.. too bad it doesn't work, not that that stops us from trying for a few decades ! Thanks for your insightful response. Jimmy 03/24/2007 01:30 AM

jennybean
Marietta (Suburb of Atlanta) Georgia United Stizzies
wow, i don't know how i missed this thread! i, too, never really considered myself a militant person overall, yet i am extremely obsessed with conspiracy theories and would now consider myself an extremist. I listen the the alex jones radio show every day and felt something in my gut pulling me to not necessarily stop, but to chill out with it. I discovered the sense of power i got from listening to these radio broadcasts really didn't have anything to do with me wanting to change things, but rather to give me a false sense of confidence against feeling helpless, just like you jimmy. yet, alot of stuff on these broadcasts make sense to me and i want to be well informed to the best of my ability...i'd like to make that switch into being intent on helping out the world rather than just using it to make me feel better. i'm not quite sure how to do it...i'm sure it will come in time. 07/04/2007 04:35 AM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Dear Jennybean

Just like with everything else, like Margaret's column this week on communication, it depends on your intent. I remember, during an intensive saying that I wanted my husband to know certain things about me and Margaret asked "Why?" And it never occurred to me to question why, I though itwas just "obvious". In the same way, there are some questions that you could ask yourself. One is "Why do I want to be well informed?" It was said in a tone of "of course doesn't everyone want to be well informed" but ask the question more deeply. How is your being okay dependent on being well informed? How does your little girl feel about all this information? I am guess there is something in there about having control over others deceiving you or maybe feeling validated because there are others who see the world the way you do. The answers may help you learn more about what your little girl needs from you.

I would love to know what you find out :-)

Hugs

Phyllis
07/04/2007 07:30 AM

jennybean
Marietta (Suburb of Atlanta) Georgia United Stizzies
oooooh phyllis you're brilliant ;) i asked her, and as expected, my inner child hates the fact that i spend ungodly amounts of time researching conspriacy theories. the stuff i read scares her to death! a big chunk of it is that i do want to have control over others decieving me and i want control over being taken off guard. i also think a big part of it is that i grew up in a very strict conservative republican household where i was told certain things where the absolute 100% truth, and when i questioned that i was labeled "misinformed" and "stupid" , and the more crazy i get with conspiracy theories the less i feel constricted by my parents beliefs that are still imposed on me to this day (they are coming from their wounded selves in trying to get me to believe what they do) I also have had that need for validation also, i've always been involved with radical subcultures that see things "outside the norm" and that gives me the escape from that constriction i feel regarding my parents beliefs. my little girl is very scared about the things that are happening in the world anyway and doesn't trust me (the adult) enough physically to be able to defend myself if the time ever did call for it. So i asked my guidance what i could do to lovingly give some assurance to my child that i will be able to take care of us if someone ever attacked us. my guidance told me to sign up for some self-defense classes so that she can feel the comfort of being loved enough to be able to stand up for herself physically :) that way i won't have to research this stuff all the time and i can live lovingly in the moment for now (instead of constantly dreading the collapse of the government which hurts my little girl) and if something ever happened she'll trust that i'll take care of her. 07/04/2007 08:53 AM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Wow! That made my day :-) Congratulations.

Hugs

Phyllis
07/04/2007 12:11 PM

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