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The challenge on the spiritual path is to reach such a deep place of inner security that we are able to stay open to learning with ourselves and with Spirit, no matter what. This means being able to be loving to ourselves in the face of others attacking, blaming, crazymaking, withdrawing. It means staying open to learning with Spiritregarding our own highest good and the highest good of all, no matter what.

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Help! I donít Want To Be Like My Family!

By Dr. Margaret Paul
January 30, 2018



We did not come to this planet to suffer. While life can be challenging, emotional suffering is an option, not a given.



Alexia asked:

“My mother and my grandmother and most of the people I learned life from, never loved themselves. I know I don't want to be like them but the reality is I am! I have changed but not as much as I want. Can you please teach me how to fix this suffering from my wounded self?”

I completely understand how much Alexia wants to be different than her mother and her grandmother. Years ago, I was suffering exactly as she is.

 

My Life Before Inner Bonding

The main things that caused my suffering were self-abandonment and disconnection from my spiritual guidance. I look back on many years of suffering due to abandoning myself in so many different ways:

  • I used to cause my suffering by ignoring my feelings and instead focusing on fixing and controlling others’ feelings.
     
  • I used to constantly judge myself, telling myself that I wasn’t good enough, that there was something essentially wrong with me, and telling myself I had to be perfect to control how others felt about me.
     
  • I used to numb out my feelings, avoiding responsibility for them with my addictions to food, caretaking, anger and judgment.
     
  • I used to make others responsible for my feelings of worth and safety, - feeling like a victim when others didn’t care about me or were mean to me - not realizing that they were treating me the way I was treating myself.
     
  • As much as I tried to connect with my guidance, my frequency was too low to access the love and wisdom that is here for all of us, so I always felt very alone.

My many years of therapy didn’t do anything to relieve my suffering.

When Spirit brought us Inner Bonding, everything changed for me.
 

My Life With Inner Bonding

Now my life is filled with so much inner peace and joy, for which I am so grateful. Life is totally different now because I live in connection with my guidance, loving myself and others moment-by-moment,

  • Now, rather than ignoring my feelings and trying to fix others, I’m always present in my body, connected with my feelings. Now I can truly care about others’ feelings rather than trying to control them.
     
  • Now, I never judge myself. Instead, I deeply appreciate my beautiful essence that is a perfect spark of Divine love, and I see and appreciate the beautiful and perfect essence in everyone I meet. Now I’ve taken all the pressure off my inner child by telling her that it’s okay to make mistakes and make a fool of herself – that I will love her no matter what. This is a great freedom!
     
  • Now, I’m no longer addicted to food, caretaking, anger or judgment. Now, I have no reason to want to numb my feelings because I love learning from them. They are my inner guidance and the last thing I want to do is numb them out. Now, I know how to lovingly manage the deeper pain of life – the loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness of life - so I don’t need to do anything to avoid these feelings.
     
  • Now I take full responsibility for all my own feelings rather than giving my inner child away to others to love and define. Defining my own worth is a great freedom!
     
  • Now I live in constant connection with my spiritual guidance. Allowing my guidance to guide me, rather than my wounded self, brings me so much peace, joy and the ability to manifest my dreams!

All this is the outcome of diligently practicing Inner Bonding. I hope that Alexia learns and practices Inner Bonding. It’s not instant, but it always works when you practice it!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.



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