Daily InspirationWhen you are with another person, if your focus is primarily on what they want and feel, you may be trying to control how they feel about you. Today, also attend to what you want, and notice how you feel. It is NOT selfish to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs - it is self-responsible. By Dr. Margaret Paul
A Different Kind of New Year's ResolutionBy Dr. Margaret Paul
December 29, 2009
This year, make two New Year's Resolution lists - one for your external goals and one for who you want to be.
There are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions:
- What you are going to do to accomplish your goals
- Who you want to be
Many New Year's Resolutions are of the first kind:
- I'm going to lose 25 pounds this year
- I'm going to exercise every day
- I'm going to learn self-discipline
- I'm going to double my income
- I'm going to learn to fly
- I'm going to take piano lessons
And so on....
I'm not at all diminishing these kinds of resolutions. It is often very helpful to set these kinds of goals for ourselves.
But perhaps this year, you can add another kind of New Year's Resolution - the who-you-want-to-be kind.
Who You Want To Be Resolutions
What if your primary resolutions had to do with your thoughts and actions toward yourself and others? What if these resolutions centered around being loving rather than achieving something? What might these resolutions be?
- I'm going to become aware of my judgments toward myself and others and how I feel inside when I'm judgmental.
- When I'm angry, I'm going to go off by myself and take care of my own feelings rather than dump my anger on others.
- I'm going to stop taking others' behavior personally and instead embrace the loneliness and heartache I feel when others are uncaring.
- I'm going to remember to be grateful for every small blessing rather than complain about what I don't have.
- I will make being loving more important than avoiding the pain of rejection.
- I will attend to the painful life feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, grief, sorrow, and helplessness over others with deep compassion for my self rather than turning to addictions to numb them.
- I will keep my heart open to learning about what is loving to me and to others rather than close my heart to protect against the pain of life.
- I will be warm, kind and respectful toward everyone I meet, even if I don't personally connect with them.
- I will take loving care of my body, the house of my soul.
- I will allow my higher self to guide me in what is in my highest good and the highest good of others, rather than allow my ego wounded self to be in charge of my thoughts and actions.
- I will take the time to be with those I love and express my love for them.
- I will remember to stay connected with my inner guidance, my feelings, so that I can take full responsibility for them.
- I will choose to love, even when I am afraid. I make love more important than control, than being right, than winning.
- I will attend to what brings my joy.
- I will be true to myself, neither giving myself up to others, nor expecting others to give themselves up to me.
- I will support my own highest good and the highest good of others, never deliberately acting in ways that harm me or harm others.
- I will be honest and trustworthy with myself and others, never compromising my integrity as a soul.
- I will constantly keep in mind what I want to contribute to others rather than what I want to get from others.
I'm sure you can think of many more who-you-want-to-be resolutions. Why not take some time right now to write them out?
Imagine the world we would have if each of us made loving ourselves and others our highest priority - higher than fame, higher than fortune, higher than being the best, higher than winning or being right, higher than avoiding the painful feelings of life.
Imagine the world we would have if we learned to love as God loves, to be the unconditional love that is God.
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