Welcome to the
Inner Bonding
Internet Village

 



Click to Explore SelfQuest - Computer Assited Growth and Discovery program
 

Unsafe Relationship Systems

By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006



Unsafe relationships are set up when each person's intent is to protect themselves through some form of control - anger and blame, resistance and withdrawal, or compliance and caretaking. This article explores the various unsafe relationship systems and how they create emotional and sexual distance. Difference couple's systems are highlighted to show how feelings of abandonment, anger, anxiety and depression result of unsafe relationship systems. Sexual problems and lack of intimacy are the inevitable result.

Send this article to a friend    Print this article
Share with Del.icio.us    submit 'Unsafe Relationship Systems' to diggShare with Digg
Safe relationship systems are created by telling the truth and moving into an intent to learn. However, it is always harder to take the risk of telling your truth, setting your limits, and moving into an intent to learn when you have something to lose. Taking this risk is particularly difficult with mates, children, parents, and very close friends. It is also very difficult with employers, who may fire you, or employees, who may quit without giving you notice. It takes ongoing Inner Bonding work to reach the place within where we are willing to lose the other rather than lose ourselves. I have found that when a person actually comes to this place, they find that whatever the outcome, they are happier, healthier, and more fulfilled than if they had kept withholding their truth and giving themselves up. If they get fired, a more fulfilling job appears. If they lose a relationship, they either find that they are happier alone or they find a more loving relationship. Whatever the outcome, they are far happier than they were as victims of and participants in an unsafe relationship system.

At my Inner Bonding Couples Intensives, the couples--both heterosexual and gay--are always amazed at the similarities among their systems. These similarities are easier to see when couples watch other couples work than when they are dealing with their own system.

The most common system is some variation of this: Franchesca and Hanley have been married for sixteen years. Franchesca's major complaint is that Hanley is often angry or resistant and withdrawn. In either case, he is not emotionally available to her. She feels resentful and lonely, and pulls on Hanley with her anger, criticism, blame, and complaints. Franchesca blames Hanley for her unhappiness, believing that if he changed, she would be happy. Additionally, she feels pulled on sexually. If she gives in to his demands for sex, she feels used, and if she doesn't, she feels rejected emotionally.

Hanley's major complaint is that Franchesca is often unhappy and upset no matter how much he does for her, and she is rarely sexually responsive. He feels burdened by her pull on him to make her happy, angry at her criticism of him, and deprived of a good sexual relationship. He is lonely and unfulfilled in the marriage and blames his feelings on Franchesca's bitchiness and lack of sexual response. He feels victimized by her behavior. He believes that if she would change, he would be happy.

In variations on this kind of system, one partner--usually the wife--is upset about, feels shut out by, or feels burdened by the other's drinking, watching TV, overworking, underworking, and so on. One or the other partner may be angry at carrying most or all of the financial burden, especially if the other partner tends to spend too much money. Sometimes this scenario is reversed--the man feels shut out emotionally and the woman feels rejected sexually. Sometimes one partner feels shut out both emotionally and sexually, while the other feels angry, and withdrawn at feeling pulled at and controlled. Often one partner is the caretaker and feels overwhelmed and burdened by the other's resistance to taking responsibility around the house or to granting any request that partner makes. Often the wife is the caretaker and the husband is resistant to her requests--to take out the garbage, spend time together, or explore conflict. She feels resentful and rejected while he feels resentful and controlled. Again, this scenario can be reversed, with the man as the caretaker and the woman as the resister. Perhaps he earns all the money, then comes home and takes care of everything, including the children, while she spends her time playing tennis, spending money, taking classes, and resisting responsibility for the house and children.

While relationship systems differ in their details, they all have one thing in common: Neither partner is taking responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Both are, in one way or another, making the other person responsible for their happiness, safety, and sense of lovability and worth. Both are controlling, though in different ways. In all of these systems, controlling is more important to the partners than learning about loving.

Regina and Ken

Regina, thirty-two, is a stay-at-home mother with children from her previous marriage. She and Ken, thirty-nine, had been together less than a year, when their old patterns--which had not been healed in previous relationships--emerged. Ken often came home from his job as the head of a large manufacturing company feeling anxious, depressed, and exhausted. He often complained to Regina about how sick he felt and how difficult things were at work, yet he did nothing to change things.

Regina felt annoyed when Ken complained but continued to avoid responsibility for his health and work issues. When she offered advice, he would get furious and resistant, telling her to back off and stop acting like a parent. Regina often felt frightened by Ken's anger and collapsed into angry tears, blaming Ken for her upset feelings. Ken then felt angry at being blamed and guilty that he had upset Regina, and he retreated by going to sleep early or going out drinking with his friends. Regina was left with her children and her misery, unable to sleep.

In this system, Ken was not taking responsibility for his health, his anxiety, his depression, and his work problems. Instead, he was being a victim. He used alcohol to avoid his feelings or he complained to Regina, dumping his negative energy onto her and handing her responsibility for his wounded feelings. Ken pulled on Regina for sympathy rather than moving into compassion for himself and taking loving action on his own behalf. When he received advice or criticism from Regina instead of sympathy, he got enraged. He then blamed her for his rage instead of moving into an intent to learn about what was happening between them.

Regina was not taking responsibility for feelings and needs either. She was not speaking her truth to Ken--that it felt invasive when he dumped his anxiety and depression on her; that she lost respect for him when he used alcohol to escape his feelings; that his complaints felt like a pull on her, and that she didn't enjoy being with him when he was being a victim. Instead of speaking her truth, she gave herself up and listened to his complaints, or became needy, angry, parental, and critical. Regina kept hoping that if she were angry enough, she could get Ken to take responsibility for himself. Then she would not have to take care of herself in the face of his behavior. She felt victimized by his anger, rather than moving into compassion for herself and exploring why she tried to fix him instead of taking care of herself.

Both Regina and Ken were locked into the intent to control . The love and passion that had been so fulfilling at the beginning of their relationship was gone. Did they both pick the wrong person once again? Probably not. Regina and Ken could be perfect for each other--if they opened to learning about their respective sides of the unsafe relationship system they had created. Each was triggering the other's deepest fears of rejection and engulfment. But this painful situation had a silver lining. It gave them the opportunity to heal their deepest fears, if they chose to do so. When both partners move into an intent to learn, relationships that trigger our deepest fears can become the most powerful arena for healing those fears.

Regina and Ken did decide to hang in and deal with their problems. They came to an Intensive together and began to face their fears of being rejected and controlled by each other. They learned to turn to the Six Steps of Inner Bonding and take care of their own feelings instead of blaming each other for them. They learned to tell their truth to each other without judgment or blame. Regina was finally able to say to Ken, "I feel so lonely when you drink, and I lose respect for you when I see you using alcohol to avoid your feelings. I know you have good reasons for drinking, and I would really like to understand what they are. What is it you are afraid of feeling?"

They also learned to set loving limits around violating, invasive behavior. When Regina was angry or critical, Ken learned to say, "I don't like being blamed and criticized. If you are unhappy about something, let's talk about it, but I don't want to be treated badly." And when Ken complained, Regina learned to say, "Honey, this doesn't feel good. I'm feeling dumped on. I'm happy to help you if you want help, but if you are just going to complain, I'm going to go read." They learned to help each other explore their controlling behavior instead of blaming it on each other. Through doing their inner work, they gradually became strong enough to love. Within a few months, love and passion returned full force to their relationship.

The wonderful thing about all this is that it is never too late to create a safe, loving relationship system rather than an unsafe, controlling one. No matter how awful things have been in the past, when two people decide to do their own inner work and create safe inner spaces for themselves, they will always succeed in creating a safe relationship space.

This article is available for free registered users.

You may register for free using the form below.

If you are already a member, please login here.

This form can also be used to subscribe as a paid Supporting Member

All Registered users receive the Inner Bonding Journal via email.



Login
User Name
Password
 

Registration/Subscription - Step 1 of 2
Registration Type Yes, I want to join as a paid Supporting Member - $9.95/month.
7 Free Days - Please register me for a 7 day evaluation membership. At the end of 7 days, my credit card will be charged 9.95/month. If I cancel my membership in under 7 days, do not charge my card.
No Thank You - Please register me as a free user.
First Name
Last Name
E-Mail
Username (max 16 char)
Password
Confirm Password
 

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

Welcome to Inner Bonding (IB). IB provides its service to you, subject to the following Terms of Service ("TOS"), which may be updated by us from time to time without notice to you. In addition, when using particular IB services, you and IB shall be subject to any posted guidelines or rules applicable to such services which may be posted from time to time. All such guidelines or rules are hereby incorporated by reference into the TOS. If you are a facilitator on IB, please note that IB provides a different Terms of Service for you. IB also may offer other services from time to time, such as IB Public Store and SelfQuest that are governed by different Terms of Services. These TOS do not apply to facilitators, IB Public Store or SelfQuest or such other services.

2. DESCRIPTION OF SERVICE

IB currently provides users with access to a rich collection of resources, including, various communications tools, forums, shopping services, personalized content and branded programming through its network of properties (the "Service"). You also understand and agree that the service may include certain communications from IB, such as service announcements, administrative messages and the Inner Bonding Journal, and that these communications are considered part of IB membership. Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any new features that augment or enhance the current Service, including the release of new IB properties, shall be subject to the TOS. You understand and agree that the Service is provided "AS-IS" and that IB assumes no responsibility for the timeliness, deletion, mis-delivery or failure to store any user communications or personalization settings. You are responsible for obtaining access to the Service and that access may involve third party fees (such as Internet service provider or airtime charges). You are responsible for those fees. In addition, you must provide and are responsible for all equipment necessary to access the Service.

3. YOUR REGISTRATION OBLIGATIONS

In consideration of your use of the Service, you agree to: (a) provide true, accurate, current and complete information about yourself as prompted by the Service's registration form (such information being the "Registration Data") and (b) maintain and promptly update the Registration Data to keep it true, accurate, current and complete. If you provide any information that is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, or IB has reasonable grounds to suspect that such information is untrue, inaccurate, not current or incomplete, IB has the right to suspend or terminate your account and refuse any and all current or future use of the Service (or any portion thereof). IB is concerned about the safety and privacy of all its users, particularly children. For this reason, parents of children under the age of 13 who wish to allow their children access to the Service must create a IB Account for their child. When you create a IB Account for your child, you certify that you are at least 18 years old and that you are the legal guardian of the child listed on the IB Account. By giving a child an IB Account, you also give your child permission to access all of the Services including, email, message boards, personals, instant messages and chat (among others). Please remember that the Service is designed to appeal to a broad audience. Accordingly, as the legal guardian, it is your responsibility to determine whether any of the Services and/or Content (as defined in Section 6 below) are appropriate for your child.

4. IB PRIVACY POLICY

Registration Data and certain other information about you is subject to our Privacy Policy

5. MEMBER ACCOUNT, PASSWORD AND SECURITY

You will receive a password and account designation upon completing the Service's registration process. You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of the password and account, and are fully responsible for all activities that occur under your password or account. You agree to (a) immediately notify IB of any unauthorized use of your password or account or any other breach of security, and (b) ensure that you exit from your account at the end of each session. IB cannot and will not be liable for any loss or damage arising from your failure to comply with this Section 5.

6. MEMBER CONDUCT

You understand that all information, data, text, software, music, sound, photographs, graphics, video, messages or other materials ("Content"), whether publicly posted or privately transmitted, are the sole responsibility of the person from which such Content originated. This means that you, and not IB, are entirely responsible for all Content that you upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available via the Service. IB does not control the Content posted via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity or quality of such Content. You understand that by using the Service, you may be exposed to Content that is offensive, indecent or objectionable. Under no circumstances will IB be liable in any way for any Content, including, but not limited to, for any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted or otherwise made available via the Service. You agree to not use the Service to: a. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; b. harm minors in any way; c. impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a IB official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity; d. forge headers or otherwise manipulate identifiers in order to disguise the origin of any Content transmitted through the Service; e. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that you do not have a right to make available under any law or under contractual or fiduciary relationships (such as inside information, proprietary and confidential information learned or disclosed as part of employment relationships or under nondisclosure agreements); f. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights ("Rights") of any party; g. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain letters," "pyramid schemes," or any other form of solicitation, except in those areas (such as designated chat rooms, message boards) that are designated for such purpose; h. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any material that contains software viruses or any other computer code, files or programs designed to interrupt, destroy or limit the functionality of any computer software or hardware or telecommunications equipment; i. disrupt the normal flow of dialogue, cause a screen to "scroll" faster than other users of the Service are able to type, or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users' ability to engage in real time exchanges; j. interfere with or disrupt the Service or servers or networks connected to the Service, or disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to the Service; k. intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable local, state, national or international law, including, but not limited to, regulations promulgated by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, any rules of any national or other securities exchange, including, without limitation, the New York Stock Exchange, the American Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ, and any regulations having the force of law; l. "stalk" or otherwise harass another; or m. collect or store personal data about other users. You acknowledge that IB does not pre-screen Content, but that IB and its designees shall have the right (but not the obligation) in their sole discretion to refuse or move any Content that is available via the Service. Without limiting the foregoing, IB and its designees shall have the right to remove any Content that violates the TOS or is otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any Content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such Content. In this regard, you acknowledge that you may not rely on any Content created by IB or submitted to IB, including without limitation information in IB Message Boards, IB Chat Rooms, and in all other parts of the Service. You acknowledge and agree that IB may preserve Content and may also disclose Content if required to do so by law or in the good faith belief that such preservation or disclosure is reasonably necessary to: (a) comply with legal process; (b) enforce the TOS; (c) respond to claims that any Content violates the rights of third-parties; or (d) protect the rights, property, or personal safety of IB, its users and the public. You understand that the technical processing and transmission of the Service, including your Content, may involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices.

7. SPECIAL ADMONITIONS FOR INTERNATIONAL USE

Recognizing the global nature of the Internet, you agree to comply with all local rules regarding online conduct and acceptable Content. Specifically, you agree to comply with all applicable laws regarding the transmission of technical data exported from the United States or the country in which you reside.

8. CONTENT SUBMITTED OR MADE AVAILABLE FOR INCLUSION ON THE SERVICE

IB does not claim ownership of Content you submit or make available for inclusion on the Service. However, with respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, you grant IB the following world-wide, royalty free and non-exclusive license(s), as applicable:

* With respect to Content you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of IB, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purposes of providing and promoting the specific IB to which such Content was submitted or made available.

* With respect to photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible area of the Service, the license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publicly perform and publicly display such Content on the Service solely for the purpose for which such Content was submitted or made available. This license exists only for as long as you elect to continue to include such Content on the Service and will terminate at the time you remove or IB removes such Content from the Service.

* With respect to Content other than photos, graphics, audio or video you submit or make available for inclusion on publicly accessible areas of the Service, the perpetual, irrevocable and fully sublicensable license to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, publicly perform and publicly display such Content (in whole or in part) and to incorporate such Content into other works in any format or medium now known or later developed. "Publicly accessible" areas of the Service are those areas of the IB network of properties that are intended by IB to be available to the general public. By way of example, publicly accessible areas of the Service would include IB Message Boards and portions of IB Chat Rooms and IB Free Questions and Answers that are open to both members and visitors. However, publicly accessible areas of the Service would not include portions of IB Private Question and Answers and IB Private Chat Sessions that are limited to members, IB services intended for private communication such as IB MailCenter or IB Private Chat Room, or areas off of the IB network of properties such as portions of World Wide Web sites that are accessible through IB but are not hosted or served by IB.

9. INDEMNITY

You agree to indemnify and hold IB, and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, agents, co-branders or other partners, and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys' fees, made by any third party due to or arising out of Content you submit, post, transmit or make available through the Service, your use of the Service, your connection to the Service, your violation of the TOS, or your violation of any rights of another. You agree that IB is not liable for, nor is Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc., Dr. Margaret Paul, or Dr. Erka Chopich liable for any alleged damage resulting from help in the Chat Room or from the Advice - Q&A.

10. NO RESALE OF SERVICE

You agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit for any commercial purposes, any portion of the Service, use of the Service, or access to the Service.

11. GENERAL PRACTICES REGARDING USE AND STORAGE

You acknowledge that IB may establish general practices and limits concerning use of the Service, including without limitation the maximum number of days that email messages, message board postings or other uploaded Content will be retained by the Service, the maximum number of email messages that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum size of any email message that may be sent from or received by an account on the Service, the maximum disk space that will be allotted on IB's servers on your behalf, and the maximum number of times (and the maximum duration for which) you may access the Service in a given period of time. You agree that IB has no responsibility or liability for the deletion or failure to store any messages and other communications or other Content maintained or transmitted by the Service. You acknowledge that IB reserves the right to log off accounts that are inactive for an extended period of time. You further acknowledge that IB reserves the right to change these general practices and limits at any time, in its sole discretion, with or without notice.

12. MODIFICATIONS TO SERVICE IB

IB reserves the right at any time and from time to time to modify or discontinue, temporarily or permanently, the Service (or any part thereof) with or without notice. You agree that IB shall not be liable to you or to any third party for any modification, suspension or discontinuance of the Service.

13. TERMINATION

You agree that IB, in its sole discretion, may terminate your password, account (or any part thereof) or use of the Service, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, for lack of use or if IB believes that you have violated or acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOS. IB may also in its sole discretion and at any time discontinue providing the Service, or any part thereof, with or without notice. You agree that any termination of your access to the Service under any provision of this TOS may be effected without prior notice, and acknowledge and agree that IB may immediately deactivate or delete your account and all related information and files in your account and/or bar any further access to such files or the Service. Further, you agree that IB shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service.

14. DEALINGS WITH FACILITATORS

Your correspondence or business dealings with, or participation in activities of, facilitators found on or through the Service, including payment and delivery of related goods or services, and any other terms, conditions, warranties or representations associated with such dealings, are solely between you and such facilitator. You agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage of any sort incurred as the result of any such dealings or as the result of the presence of such advertisers on the Service, including any private face-to-face or phone work that takes place between members and Inner Bonding facilitators. The Inner Bonding processes contained on this Web site are provided for educational purposes only. The Inner Bonding process is not intended to substitute for medical, psychological or other professional services. For medical and psychological diagnosing, prescribing and treatment, you agree to consult a licensed professional.You agree that IB, the Inner Bonding authors and facilitators, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc. shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any alleged loss or damage alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the Inner Bonding information or processes contained within.

15. LINKS

The Service may provide, or third parties may provide, links to other World Wide Web sites or resources. Because IB has no control over such sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that IB is not responsible for the availability of such external sites or resources, and does not endorse and is not responsible or liable for any Content, advertising, products, or other materials on or available from such sites or resources. You further acknowledge and agree that IB shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with use of or reliance on any such Content, goods or services available on or through any such site or resource.

16. IB'S PROPRIETARY RIGHTS

You acknowledge and agree that the Service and any necessary software used in connection with the Service ("Software") contain proprietary and confidential information that is protected by applicable intellectual property and other laws. You further acknowledge and agree that Content contained in interactions with facilitators or information presented to you through the Service or facilitators is protected by copyrights, trademarks, service marks, patents or other proprietary rights and laws. Except as expressly authorized by IB or facilitators, you agree not to modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute or create derivative works based on the Service or the Software, in whole or in part. IB grants you a personal, non-transferable and non-exclusive right and license to use the object code of its Software on a single computer; provided that you do not (and do not allow any third party to) copy, modify, create a derivative work of, reverse engineer, reverse assemble or otherwise attempt to discover any source code, sell, assign, sublicense, grant a security interest in or otherwise transfer any right in the Software. You agree not to modify the Software in any manner or form, or to use modified versions of the Software, including (without limitation) for the purpose of obtaining unauthorized access to the Service. You agree not to access the Service by any means other than through the interface that is provided by IB for use in accessing the Service.

17. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT:

a. YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. IB EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT.

b. IB MAKES NO WARRANTY THAT (i) THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, (ii) THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (iii) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE USE OF THE SERVICE WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (iv) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE SERVICE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, AND (V) ANY ERRORS IN THE SOFTWARE WILL BE CORRECTED.

c. ANY MATERIAL DOWNLOADED OR OTHERWISE OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THE SERVICE IS DONE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND THAT YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM OR LOSS OF DATA THAT RESULTS FROM THE DOWNLOAD OF ANY SUCH MATERIAL.

d. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, OBTAINED BY YOU FROM IB OR THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE SHALL CREATE ANY WARRANTY NOT EXPRESSLY STATED IN THE TOS.

18. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT IB SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES (EVEN IF IB HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), RESULTING FROM: (i) THE USE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SERVICE; (ii) THE COST OF PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS AND SERVICES RESULTING FROM ANY GOODS, DATA, INFORMATION OR SERVICES PURCHASED OR OBTAINED OR MESSAGES RECEIVED OR TRANSACTIONS ENTERED INTO THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICE; (iii) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA; (iv) STATEMENTS OR CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY ON THE SERVICE; OR (v) ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE SERVICE.

19. EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS OF SECTIONS 17 AND 18 MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU.

20. SPECIAL ADMONITION FOR SERVICES RELATING TO FINANCIAL MATTERS

If you intend to create or join any service, receive or request any news, messages, alerts or other information from the Service concerning companies, stock quotes, investments or securities, please read the above Sections 17 and 18 again. They go doubly for you. In addition, for this type of information particularly, the phrase "Let the investor beware" is apt. The Service is provided for informational purposes only, and no Content included in the Service is intended for trading or investing purposes. IB and its licensors shall not be responsible or liable for the accuracy, usefulness or availability of any information transmitted or made available via the Service, and shall not be responsible or liable for any trading or investment decisions made based on such information.

21. NOTICE

Notices to you may be made via either email or regular mail. The Service may also provide notices of changes to the TOS or other matters by displaying notices or links to notices to you generally on the Service.

22. TRADEMARK INFORMATION

IB, the Inner Bonding logo, SelfQuest, and Inner Bonding Educational Technologies trademarks and service marks, and other IB logos and product and service names are trademarks of Inner Bonding Educational Technologies Inc. (the "Inner Bonding Marks"). Without Inner Bonding's prior permission, you agree not to display or use in any manner, the Inner Bonding Marks.

23. COPYRIGHTS and COPYRIGHT AGENTS

IB respects the intellectual property of others, and we ask our users to do the same. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, or your intellectual property rights have been otherwise violated, please provide IB's Copyright Agent the following information:

1. an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright or other intellectual property interest;
2. a description of the copyrighted work or other intellectual property that you claim has been infringed;
3. a description of where the material that you claim is infringing is located on the site;
4. your address, telephone number, and email address;
5. a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law;
6. a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your Notice is accurate and that you are the copyright or intellectual property owner or authorized to act on the copyright or intellectual property owner's behalf.

IB's Agent for Notice of claims of copyright or other intellectual property infringement can be reached as follows:

By mail:

Copyright Agent
c/o Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc.
PMB #42,
2531 Sawtelle Blvd.,
Los Angeles, CA 90064-3124

By phone: (310) 459-1700
By Fax: (310) 459-1727

By email: innerbonding@innerbonding.com

24. GENERAL INFORMATION

The TOS constitute the entire agreement between you and IB and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and IB. You also may be subject to additional terms and conditions that may apply when you use affiliate services, third-party content or third-party software. The TOS and the relationship between you and IB shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and IB agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of Los Angeles, California. The failure of IB to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOS shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOS is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOS remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOS must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. The section titles in the TOS are for convenience only and have no legal or contractual effect.

25. VIOLATIONS

Please report any violations of the TOS to our Customer Support group.

26. CANCELLATION OF MEMBERSHIP

You pay for membership monthly. We can automatically charge you for each month, if that is what you want. There is no cancellation or refund of your money for that month. You can choose not to renew, but you cannot cancel for a refund.

 

I agree with the terms of the Inner Bonding Village user agreement
 




Photo Gallery

There is no picture in this gallery.


Join the Inner Bonding Community to add your comment to articles.
More Help

Looking for help with Unsafe Relationship Systems?

Search for solutions on Unsafe Relationship Systems within the InnerBonding.com website using Google's Site Search.

 

A Testimonial

"I got in touch more profoundly than before in both a) my barriers to adulthood/endless resistance, energetic scattering, thinking that I have no choice how to respond when I get overwhelmed with feelings and b) ways to develop spiritual connection and a stronger inner Loving Adult (meditation, opening my heart, practicing the Inner Bonding dialogue, and kindly observing my energy as I interact with others." Santa Barbara Intensive, 12/05

Joel Rosenfeld,Retired Psychology Professor
Huntington Beach,California
714/848-7120
jrosenfeld1DELETE_HERE@socal.rr.com

 

Join Our Community
-
Heal Aloneness

- Professional Advice
- Compassion and caring
- Relationship help
- Parenting Advice
- Lively, helpful chats
- Discussions Boards
- Discounts on Products
- Video demonstrations

Help with your spiritual connection and your inner healing process.

Membership only
$9.95 per month
Money-back Guarantee!

Free Inner Bonding Course

Intensive workshops with Dr. Paul and other Inner Bonding Facilitators.
Intensive Workshops

Join our on-line chat
Discover SelfQuest the Inner Bonding Software Package
 

Home | Membership Info | Join | About Inner Bonding | Articles | Events & Retreats | Store | Facilitators | Resources | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service

Copyright Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc. 1998-2008
Site Design By E7Systems.com