Are You Having Fun Yet?

By Shelley Riutta, MSE, LPC
April 07, 2008

Are you having enough fun in your life? Learn tips to have more fun each and every day!

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Are You Having Fun Yet? “Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which she has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss.” Anonymous “Fun is Good.” Dr. Seuss

Are you having enough fun in your life? Belly laughs that make your stomach hurt, laughing so hard that you are crying (one of my favorites), that light open feeling in your body of pure fun. You will probably know the answer to this quickly and if you are like many people today, the answer will be NO.

Traveling in Bali---Balinese Culture compared to the United States

When I was traveling in Bali, one of the things that I learned that really stuck with me was that when the Balinese have a spiritual ceremony they will not begin the ceremony until they feel the presence of the God’s and Goddesses they have invited. One of the things that they believe draws these spiritual presences near is celebration and fun. So if they are not feeling the energy of the God’s and Goddesses, they know they are not having enough fun, so they need to step it up a notch and celebrate even more, open their hearts even more to raise the vibration to a higher level. They know when they are on track when they feel the energy shift with the presence of the Gods.

Now imagine in our culture if spiritual traditions would not begin unless everyone felt this shift happen. The Pastor or Priest saying to the crowd “I’m sorry folks but we can’t begin until you are having more fun out there—come on---have some fun.” Could you imagine the look of bewilderment on people’s faces getting this kind of instruction “What do they mean fun---right now?!” Yes, this would be shocking for a lot of people in our culture. We aren’t used to celebrating and having fun together—this is not something that comes easily and naturally for most people.

Our Innate Capacity to Have Fun

The capacity to have fun is something that we are born with, it is innate. Just looking at small children and you will see the natural capacity to play and have fun. What happens to this as we get older? Some people are able to retain this ability to have fun, play with others and laugh easily. For many people this capacity gets lost with increased responsibilities of a job, having children, caring for elderly parents ---feeling overwhelmed with the stress of everyday living. There can be an attitude that the fun will happen when the work is done---but you know the work is never really done. Fun tends to get put on the back burner---and for many people it is on the back burner for so long they forget even how to have it or what it is like. I have clients who say to me “I don’t even know how to have fun, I don’t even know where to start.”

This article will give you ideas on how to start having more fun, but first I want to share with you some compelling reasons why Fun needs to be a priority in YOUR life.

WHY FUN IS GOOD FOR YOU

1. Having Fun is your Natural State-We were born to have fun. Look at little babies they are giggling and laughing---they are little fun machines---having fun is like breathing for them. This is who we are deep inside---we are little fun machines---wanting to have fun and play. That is why it feels so good to be around babies and children---they remind us of who we really are and we connect with that energy just by being around them.

2. Having Fun Helps Your Life Work Better

When we are more aligned with our natural state our lives work better, we are more in the flow. When our bodies are tense with being serious, worrying, being so busy-- life becomes hard and a struggle—we are out of alignment with our natural state. When we are relaxed, having fun—things flow easier---solutions to what we need to do in our life come easier to us in this state. When we are in alignment with our natural state are bodies can be healthier and stronger. Just like a car out of alignment doesn’t function optimally---we too function better when we are in alignment with our natural state---how we are designed to function. We are designed to function with having a lot of fun and ease in our life.

3. Having Fun Gives You More Energy- Having fun feeds your Spirit. Using

the car analogy again-just like a car needs certain things to give it energy to

operate. We need basic things for our body to function- like air, food, water and shelter. But we are much more than our bodies, we are Spirits housed in our bodies. We also need fuel for our Spirits to thrive and feel uplifted. You know what it is like to feel like your Spirit is sagging---life becomes dull and lifeless and you think---“what is the point?” That is when you know you need to feed your Spirit.

What feeds our Spirit is the intangible but crucial aspects of living---love, fun, pleasure, intimacy with others, and connection to Spirit. I have health conscious clients who are doing wonderful things to support their physical bodies, yet they are still feeling sick or have low energy. That is because they are not attending to the feeding of their Spirit. By starting to feed their Spirit with having fun they are amazed at how much energy this brings.

4. Having Fun Attracts Good Things to You- Years ago I was out to dinner with some good friends and we were having so much fun that other people in the restaurant would come up and talk with us. One woman came up and said that she couldn’t keep her eyes off of us, we were having so much fun that she wanted to join us. Everybody likes to have fun and when we are having a lot of fun---we are a like a magnet to others---they want to be around us and have fun too. We are like the Balinese Gods and Goddesses---wanting to come near when there is fun and celebration.

Fun attracts in another way as well.

Fun attracts in another way as well. Fun is a higher frequency. To explain what this means--think of a time when you walked into a room where people were getting along and having a lot of fun---didn't energy of the room feel "lighter". Now think of a time when you walked into a room where people were arguing and there was anger--didn't the energy feel "heavy" and dense? This is an example of the difference in energy frequencies that we can be in. Like frequencies tend to gravitate towards each other---light energy tends to draw light energy--dense energy tends to draw other dense energy. So when we are having more fun, our energy is lighter and will tend to attract other light energy things---whether it's other people who are having fun, or experiences that are more positive and "light".

5. Having Fun has a Positive Ripple Effect on Those Around You- Think about what it is like to be in a room with someone who is really happy and having fun---this energy is contagious and pretty soon you start to feel good too.

One of the most dramatic examples I have of this is a few years ago I was at the Boston airport catching a flight back to Wisconsin. When I walked into the airport I could feel the energy of tension and stress----I soon discovered that many of the flights had been cancelled because of the weather. Because of my interest in positive emotional states, I decided to do a research experiment. My experiment was to see what would happen if I would maintain a real happy, joyful emotional state in the midst of all of this stress and tension. I walked through the airport smiling at people—maintaining my state of joy and relaxation. When I went through security I was picked to go through the more in depth search line. The people in this line were even more frustrated and upset. I continued to maintain my positive state and started to joke around with the man ahead of me. Within 10 minutes the entire line was joking and laughing. Some really funny things started to happen too. One young man had to take his belt off his jeans that were so baggy that as soon as he took his belt off his jeans dropped exposing his boxer shorts. We all started laughing and he joined in at how funny this was.

What I believe is that we are easily influenced by the emotional states of those around us. Like my example above—holding a positive state of having fun and lightness can easily shift those around you into a lighter state as well. And isn’t this the kind of effect you want to have on those around you!

HOW TO HAVE MORE FUN

1. Make a List of What You Love to Do for Fun- Even if your list is short,

still write it down. It is like priming the pump to write these things down. Then what happens is your inner fun machine will start to come up with even more ideas. Give yourself permission to write down anything, even if it seems silly to you. Then begin to integrate these fun things into your day and see what happens.

2. Make Fun a Priority in Your Life-Begin your day with an intention to

have a lot of fun. People who have a lot of fun in their life---have made

fun a priority and routinely do things that create fun throughout their days.

It could be turning a boring meeting into one that is fun and productive. I have done this with meetings I have attended. One meeting where we were going to be working on a difficult situation—I suggested we start the meeting with telling jokes and goofing around. Everyone was game to do this and we had a lot of fun for about 10 minutes then we shifted into the issue we were trying to resolve. Much to everyone’s surprise we resolved the issue quickly and easily because we were in a more relaxed creative state because of the fun we had at the start of the meeting.

If you make fun a priority in your life you will be more productive with your time. One way to understand this is using the analogy of having a child inside of you. If you just work all of the time—the child inside of you begins to get frustrated because of the lack of fun—and begins to rebel. This rebellion shows up in your life as procrastination, low energy, lack of focus---it is like a drag on your energy. It is like the child says—“If you don’t listen to me, I’m not going to cooperate with the things your trying to get done.” Integrating fun into your days satisfies this child inside of you and then it cooperates with the other things you want to get done. Even though you are taking time to have fun---you actually don’t lose any time because the time you do work is very productive. I have seen this work over and over again with clients---the more fun they have, the more they get done. Try it and see for yourself!

3. Let Go of False Beliefs About Fun- What kind of beliefs do you have about about having fun? List these beliefs on a piece of paper. They could be “It’s irresponsible to have too much fun.” “Fun is just for kids, not for adults.” “I’ll look stupid if I’m having fun” “I don’t have enough time to have fun.” “Having fun is a waste of time, it’s frivolous.” Examine these messages and decide if you want to continue to hold these beliefs.

These false beliefs can be holding you back from a world of fun. Write new messages about fun that you want to embrace-i.e. “Having fun helps me to be more creative and productive in my whole life.” “Fun feels good and I deserve to feel good.” “Fun brings me closer to those around me.” “Fun leads to great things happening in my life.” Embracing these new beliefs will open the doorway for more Fun in your life.

4. Be a Fun Initiator in Your Life-Think of ways that you can bring more

fun to yourself and others throughout the day. When you are in conversation with people use humor and lightness to create fun rather than letting the conversation slip into negativity. Many people are in the habit of connecting with one another through discussing problems and gossiping. Just notice if you are in this habit by monitoring what you tend to focus on in your conversations with others. See if you can allow yourself to connect with others with fun and joy. When others ask you how you are doing say “I am having so much fun in my life, I am so happy!”

Think of fun activities that you can do with your friends and family---have a theme party that has a silly theme or designate a day to celebrate something fun. I heard from some friends that there was a day a few months ago that was “Talk like a Pirate Day” and they were having fun planning a party on that day. Be willing to take risks and try new things.

Re-connect with that fun-machine inside of you that is just waiting to have more fun than you have been having. Click into what you knew innately as a baby and a child---that having fun is a big part of what we are here for. So don’t waste another minute and ----go have some fun!

Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC is a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice specializing in Inner Bonding and Transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. To get her free workbook “What Do You Really Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life” visit her web-site www.RadiantLifeCounseling.com or call her at 920-265-2627.

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Comments

Author	Comment	Date
kate Queensland Australia	I am definitely lacking fun in my life. I was once told to 'have some fun with my IC. Inner Bonding was not all serious but was also about having fun'. I thought 'what?' 'Fun' seemed such an alien word to me. I will do my best to change that. I can see that the lack of it contributes greatly to my state of mind.... which at the moment is at a pretty dense frequency.	04/08/2008 12:26 AM
Empress Green Bay Wisconsin	Hi Kate- I think that when we first start Inner Bonding there is a focus on attending to and healing the wounded, hurt child parts of us. This is a very necessary part of our healing journey. The other part is to connect with the natural joy and fun of our Essence as well. So often we have spent so much time in wounded, protective parts we have lost touch with how to have fun. That is great that you have noticed that the word "fun" is alien to you and that you intend to do something about it--your IC is going to LOVE that. Love and Blessing to You! Shelley	04/08/2008 08:04 AM
Phyllis St. Louis Missouri	Thanks Shelly. I have been wanting to write a column called "Are we having fun yet?" and I knew I was not ready to write it. I am thrilled that you did.	04/08/2008 12:37 PM
Sonnenschein Groton Massachusetts	I have a hard time with the list of what I love to do for fun. I do lots of activities which I enjoy by myself. I try to make my work enjoyable. I enjoy working in the garden. I learn to play flute. I like to read. I like to explore new places, ski- but this activities cost money so I choose them not to do too often. Often for me there isn't enough time to do activities with others. A fun must mean different things to different people. I would like to hear a different perspective on this subject. Please Phyllis would you write an article called "Are we having fun yet?" This morning I asked my little girl what would be fun for her and I was very surprised. She said she would like to spend one day doing nothing, to go nowhere, just listen to music, meditate and be in the moment. I didn't do that for a long, long time. I am not even sure if I can do it - the whole day?! I usually make a to do list for next weekend by Sunday night. I did promise her that this weekend we will do just what she wants. Suddenly I got excited.	04/08/2008 05:04 PM
Empress Green Bay Wisconsin	Hi Phyllis- That is neat that we had the same title! I look forward to your article!! It is such a great topic. Warmly, Shelley	04/09/2008 07:55 AM
Empress Green Bay Wisconsin	Hi Groton- Yes, you are right what is "fun" is different for everybody. I can tune into my little girl one day and she wants to dance to my favorite music for fun and the next day she wants to cuddle with my dog on the couch. Staying in tune with what our little girl wants to do for fun is our truest guide. When you tuned into your little girl and then made a plan to do what she wanted to do--your feedback that you are right on track is your excitement! Warmly, Shelley	04/09/2008 08:03 AM
Phyllis St. Louis Missouri	Since we are having a conversation about this, let me offer something about the topic that I realized last year. This is more about having fun with others. I was NOT a fun child!!! I know others were having fun, but not me. What others were able to do and have fun at was not fun for me, looking back, because I was too worried about what other kids would think of me or I would think of myself, too worried about catching the ball or running fast enough, feeling too inadequate to enjoy myself. What I have noticed though is that even now there is a certain kind of "fun" that makes me uncomfortable. I used to see it when my ex-husband played with the grandkids and he seemed to be playing with them as if they were toys. They went along with it, seemingly to caretake him. When I discussed this with Margaret, she suggested the terms "disconnected" and "connected" fun. It is disconnected fun that has make me uncomfortable. That is the sort of play where people are bouncing off each other with wild energy but inside their own plastic shells, and there is no real connection or caring between them. It might involve a lot of teasing and certainly involves a situation where no ones feelings are acknowledged or even allowed to be acknowledged. Maybe it is fun to escape. As I write this, I think I can keep my little one safe in this situation, but it is not what I want. Maybe that will change, because as I write this, I can imagine having fun in that situation if I play with my little one-not sure. Connected fun is like dancing with others where people are sharing their joy and their energy. I was recently at an event where medical school faculty and students went to a cooking conservatory and cooked together (one faculty, 4 students). Our group made crab rangoon and something else, I forget what. It was fantastic! I am thinking as I write this, that the connected and disconnected fun must happen at the internal level too. So I started this article, in my head, but I did not finish it because there is one more piece that I have not yet understood. It would be fun, literally, if the lightbulb went off as a result of this miniforum. I will let you know :-)	04/10/2008 09:32 AM
kate Queensland Australia	I've been thinking about this too. For me there is a sense of discomfort just with the word itself. Like 'fun' = 'frivolous' which there was not really a place for in my upbringing. The other thing I've been thinking about is that there is a spontaneity in 'having fun' which doesn't equate at all with 'pulling'. You can't really 'give to get' through having fun with others. Maybe if you try, it becomes that "disconnected" fun which looks 'wrong' when you see it in other? I'm sure my little girl is totally nonplussed with the concept of 'fun' because she can't find a way to 'give to get' through it. On the other hand, trying to be aware of 'pulling' while having fun reduces the spontaneity. The only person I can truly have "connected" fun with is my 12year old daughter. She is the only person I don't pull on. Why that is I really don't know .. but we spend a lot of time in the care together - 5 hour trips where we have 5 hours of real fun!	04/10/2008 02:39 PM
Phyllis St. Louis Missouri	Hi Kate Nice to hear from you. I know that when I was growing up I was puzzled by my inability to have fun, to really enjoy myself, but I thought, at least in theory, that having fun would be very nice. Actually, when I was at summer camp and away from my family, I was able to really enjoy myself but I think like you I might have had a judgment about fun-that it was undignified or something. I will have to talk with my little one about that. What is completely true is that I never saw my parents have fun. I remember one time when I saw my mother really laugh ("crack up" with laughter) and it felt really weird. I was a teenager. There is really a lot to explore here, including how I feel about being silly. I can hear my mother right now saying "Don't be silly" and I am not even sure that I understood what silly meant, except it was something to avoid. Thanks luv Hugs to all Phyllis	04/10/2008 03:44 PM
kate Queensland Australia	It is completely true also for me that I don't ever remember my parents having fun. I have never seen either of my parents really laugh ... or do anything spontaneous at all. We never just did something for the sheer joy of it as a family .. everything was planned. There are things I enjoy doing but I think of 'fun' differently. I am very grateful for being able to do the silliest things with my daughter and forgetting how 'undignified'(good word) it is. I am sure my husband would be mortified if he knew what we got up to sometimes!! He is a 'dignified' person (of course .. how could I have married someone who wasn't!!!???)	04/10/2008 04:08 PM
lindsayswisdom California	For some reason I am thinking of Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. A heyday can be had in analyzing that cautionary tale about fun and in the end, the good kid gets rewarded for just being himself! zxjdo (excuse me, cat just stepped on the keyboard!!) I rest my case!	04/10/2008 05:09 PM
Sonnenschein Groton Massachusetts	Thank you Phyllis for your comments. I am learning again something new from you. My partner and I used to have so much fun enjoying many similar activities. In the last few years even though we were doing the same activities most of the time the fun was not always there anymore. I can see it now from your description that at the beginning we had connected fun lately it is often disconnected fun. We are together with our bodies but not with our hearts. I was wondering why I am not looking forward to activities I love and enjoyed before. I think over the years I realized that many times the reason my partner does activities as you so well described is to escape. I do not know exactly what. Maybe boredom. Or to fill some empty space inside him. I do not know exactly what it is. He is constantly planning activities. I got tired of filling each free moment with “fun activities” Always go, go, go can be tiring even when it is a fun activity.	04/10/2008 06:37 PM
Phyllis St. Louis Missouri	That rings a bell for me too. My wuzband wanted us to do a lot of activities too, although he wanted ME to plan them and then complained when I did not, but all I wanted was connection with him (having at that time no real connection with anyone or anything else). I was perfectly willing to do anything he did plan (didn't want to lose any chance of connecting). As a result, we did not do a lot of activities (maybe just a movie and eating out once a week, and watching The Daily Show together), but the woman he left me for is non-stop that way. I can see now that one reason I was not enthusiastic about planning more activities is that I was only interested in doing things that connected us, and he wanted to do things for a different reason, maybe, as you said, to fill the emptiness.	04/11/2008 12:07 PM
Sonnenschein Groton Massachusetts	Everything you are saying Phyllis, makes lots of sense to me. Now I understand even better the reason I stopped looking forward to activities together. We were doing fun activities without connecting to each other. Once I felt that connection isn't what he is after, doing fun activities together wasn't as important anymore. Thank you again for your insight.	04/11/2008 08:33 PM

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