Daily InspirationThe avoidance of loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness over others and outcomes is often at the root of controlling, compliant, resistant or addictive behavior. It is helpful to learn to name the feeling we are trying to avoid. When we name it, we can allow it, acknowledge it, embrace it, bring love and compassion to it, and then release it to Spirit. Denying it keeps us stuck. Naming it allows us to manage it, release it and take loving action in our own behalf. By Dr. Margaret Paul
Beyond Authoritarian and Permissive: How Else to Parent?By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006
When you are open to learning with your children and with yourself, you will not need to resort to authoritarian or permissive controlling behaviors. This article explores loving parenting, as well as teaching children Inner Bonding.
Parenting becomes a joy and a sacred privilege instead of a burden when you learn to be a loving role-model for your children. When you learn to be loving to yourself, you will naturally know how to be loving to your children. When you learn to be in the intent to learn with yourself, you will naturally be open to learning with your children, which is what they need. When you are open to learning with your children, you will not need to resort to authoritarian or permissive controlling behaviors. Parenting as a loving Adult with an intent to learn about yourself and your children leads to totally different outucomes than parenting from your authoritarian and/or permissive wounded self.
Doing your inner work, practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding daily, is the very best thing you can do for yourself and your children. As you become a loving parent to yourself, you will become a loving parent to your children. As you learn what it means to truly see and love yourself, you will be able to truly see and love your children. As you role-model loving action toward yourself, others and them, your children will learn how to be loving to themselves, others and you.
No matter how old your children are, it is never too late to become a loving role-model. Your children will continue to learn from you, even when they are adults.
Doing your own inner work is not only the greatest gift you can give to yourself and your children, it is the greatest gift you can give to the planet. Through changing yourself and bringing up healthy children, you change the world.
Teaching children Inner Bonding
Young children learn Inner Bonding very easily because they have excellent imaginations and easy access to their feelings. However, it is best not to try to teach it to them until you are fairly proficient at it yourself. You are the role-model. They will learn it naturally when you have built it into your own life.
It is easy for children to imagine a fairly godmother or a guardian angel, or, if they are sports-minded, an inner coach. By using their imaginations, they can easily tap into their higher wisdom. You will be amazed at the wisdom they can access!
Get your child a doll or bear that represents his or her wounded self --the fear, anger, hurt, disappointment, and anxiety that your child may feel at times. Tell your child to imagine his or her Guidance (fairy godmother, angel, coach, imaginary friend, and so on) and ask the Guidance what this little wounded child needs. With a little practice, your son or daughter will begin to access truth and loving action.
A Word About Nutrition
Many children have sensitive bodies and are very reactive to sugar, pesticides, preservatives and other chemicals that are in food and water. Many behavior problems stem from chemical imbalances caused by poor nutrition. Just as being a loving Adult to yourself means taking good care of your body, being a loving parent means taking good care of your child's body. It is vital to educate yourself in this important area.
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