-



 
 



Daily Inspiration

Is the fear of failure or of success keeping you immobilized? Do you fear rejection if you fail? Do you fear demands and expectations if you succeed? Until you are ready to manage rejection without it defining your worth and set loving limits regarding demands and expectations, you may stay stuck in procrastination. Only you, as a loving Adult, can manage rejection and demands. Today, practice being your loving Adult.

By Dr. Margaret Paul


Are You on Your Mobile Phone? Click here for 2800+ mobile optimized, self help and self growth articles.

Are You Love or Approval Addicted?

By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006



Are you love or approval addicted? Most people are. The following checklist will help you to determine your level of love or approval addiction.



In my experience as a counselor for many years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society.

What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a checklist for you to see if you are addicted to love and/or approval. Believing any of these may indicate love or approval addiction.

I believe that:

  • My happiness and wellbeing are dependent upon getting love from another person.
  • My adequacy, lovability, and feelings of self-worth and self-esteem come from others liking me and approving of me.
  • Others' disapproval or rejection mean that I'm not good enough.
  • I can't make myself happy.
  • I can't make myself as happy as someone else can.
  • My best feelings come from outside myself, from how other people or a particular other person sees me and treats me.
  • Others are responsible for my feelings. Therefore, if someone cares about me, he or she will never do anything that hurts or upsets me.
  • I can't be alone. I feel like I'll die if I'm alone.
  • When I'm upset, it's someone else's fault.
  • It's up to other people to make me feel good about myself by approving of me.
  • I'm not responsible for my feelings. Other people make me feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, shut down, guilty, shamed or depressed - and they are responsible for fixing my feelings.
  • I'm not responsible for my behavior. Other people make me yell, act crazy, get sick, laugh, cry, get violent, leave or fail.
  • Others are selfish if they do what they want instead of what I want or need.
  • If I'm not connected to someone, I will die.
  • I can't handle the pain of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, or being shut out - the pain of loneliness and heartbreak.

Living as a love or approval addict is a very hard way to live. You have to constantly make sure you say the right thing, do the right, and look right, in order to get the needed love and approval. Your feelings are on a roller coaster - from feeling the wonderful feelings that come from getting your love or approval "fix," to feeling the despair that comes when your "supply" - the source of your love and approval - shuts down, gets angry or judgmental, or goes away.

The Underlying Cause of Love and Approval Addiction

Love and approval addiction is rooted in self-abandonment. Imagine the feeling part of you as a child - your inner child. When you are love or approval addicted, you have given your inner child away for adoption. Instead of learning to take responsibility for your own sense of worth and wellbeing by loving and approving of yourself, you have handed your inner child away to others for love and approval - making others responsible for your feelings. This inner self-abandonment will always cause the deep pain of low self-worth, making you dependent upon others for your self-worth.

The sad thing about all of this is that love is the most abundant thing in the universe. We live in a sea of love - it is always within us and all around us. It is our Source. When you learn and practice the Inner Bonding process that we teach, and learn to open to Spirit/God/Source, you become filled with love, with peace, with joy. The empty place within that yearns to be filled becomes so filled with love that it overflows to others. You find yourself desiring to give love rather than always trying to get it.

As long as you make others your Source, you will not find the love, peace and joy that you seek. By learning and practicing Inner Bonding, you can learn to fill yourself with love and heal your love and approval addictions.



Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs
CC BY-NC-ND


Send this article to a friend    Print this article    Bookmarked 15 time(s)
Bookmark and Share    Share with Del.icio.us    submit 'Are You Love or Approval Addicted?' to digg Share with Digg    Share with StumbleUpon
There are no videos, Click to add one to the gallery!
There is no audio, Click to add audio to the gallery!
There are no pictures, Click to add one to the gallery!

Comments

Author Comment Date

There are 8 member comments on this article.

Join the Inner Bonding Community to add your comment to articles and see the comments of others...


More Help

Looking for help with Are You Love or Approval Addicted??

Search for solutions on Are You Love or Approval Addicted? within the InnerBonding.com website using Google's Site Search.