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Bullying and Inner Bonding

By Merry Oislander
November 23, 2010



If you are a secondary school teacher or a parent of a child who is being bullied or has been bullied, this article will be of great interest to you.



Recently I have watched the events unfold in the media about bullying.  It really is heartbreaking to me that it takes a Child's life for people to notice what’s going on and take a stand.  As a teacher of middle and high school students for the last 32 years, part of my mission in life was to give kids a safe place to be who they are and to be able to share openly and honestly about events going on in their lives without judgment.  The fact that I taught Health gave me the opportunity to be able to do this and when I felt I wanted more than what I could do in my health classes I created a program in my school entitled Peer Leadership.  Peer Leadership was an elective health course which was devoted to the journey of helping kids feel good about themselves by being able to share, connect with others, take responsibility for their feelings and their lives and to do service.  It was my passion and made me love my job every day.

One of the things I would do with my students was to train them in bully and drug prevention strategies.  Once trained they would then in turn go into younger grades and do all kinds of team building to help the students in our school district be more tolerant of each other.  Since I was on the eternal search for my own inner happiness, my students usually were taught whatever I was into at the time of my life - whether it be Addictions, Self Esteem, NLP, Hypnosis, Reiki, Yoga and/or Native American Studies.  I did teach in a public school district and was lucky to have the support I had to do this.  I don’t really think the administration ever understood what I did but they saw a change in my students, so they did realize something very positive was happening and usually left me alone.  As I taught through the years I would listen and watch very carefully and although I did see changes in my students I didn’t feel it was enough. I felt I was helping them and they were helping each other but it wasn’t until I found Inner Bonding® and started teaching it to my students that I noticed a significant change.  It was then I saw the outcome I was looking for. Kids learning to take responsibility for their feelings, kids learning to own their stuff, kids learning that their thoughts create their realities and their feelings and that they actually had some control over that, kids tuning into an inner guidance system to help make decisions in their lives, and last but not least kids learning not to take others' behavior personally.  As I too learned to do this in my own life by facilitation with Dr. Margaret Paul, attending 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives, and learning with lots of Inner Bonding friends and buddies, to have a group of students that I worked with everyday come along for the ride was so wonderful as well as rewarding.  To see students of all ages doing Inner Bonding is so incredible and a dream for me come true.

As I watched all the media events on TV unfold as to what to do about all this bullying taking place, not only in schools but in the world and in homes, I couldn't help but think once again we are missing the mark with our kids.  All I have been hearing about is passing legislation to punish bullies to the fullest extent.  To let bullies know their behavior will not be tolerated.  All I kept seeing all the adults do on these TV shows was to model bullying by bullying bullies.  I was outraged at this and was called to action.  All I kept thinking was if we could only train teachers to teach Inner Bonding in the schools it would be a start to solving all these problems. If every parent could teach their child Inner Bonding life would dramatically change for kids and they could find the peace and joy in life so much sooner than a lot of us did.  When I keep seeing this issue raised in the media all I keep hearing is a lot of rhetoric about punitive action.  Everything that is coming across the air waves is just about not tolerating when exactly what we should be teaching is tolerance.  Now, don’t get me wrong - I am not condoning bullying behavior whatsoever.  But, after all, a bully is just a child’s wounded self that has been wounded by some wounded adult, and then takes the wounding out on someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves.  After all, that is the only thing that has ever been modeled for many of them in their homes.  What school programs are teaching students how to take responsibility for their feelings and what to do with the core feelings of loneliness, heartache and helplessness when they feel it in life?  How many adults even know how to handle these feelings?  It’s no wonder our kids are out of control.  

So I ask myself what can I do to help.  The answer my inner guidance gave me was to get Inner Bonding into as many schools as I could, so I am called to action in this way.  I am appealing to all schoolteachers, educators, social workers, parents or anyone else on this site that works with children.  We must teach our kids Inner Bonding!  My experience has been that kids pick it up much easier than adults do and now it has been made so easy for us through SelfQuest®, a recently completed software program that teaches Inner Bonding.  Dr. Margaret Paul and Dr. Erika Chopich, the co-creators of Inner Bonding and SelfQuest, have very generously offered a huge discount for this amazing program.  I am also offering my services to help train anyone who works with students how to teach an Inner Bonding curriculum and to train and mentor you in SelfQuest.  As a community we can make a difference!  Please  click on this link and purchase your copy now.  If  you are interested in my help to train you please email me and let's start a conversation about what we can do.  We have the greatest tools in the world.  Inner Bonding and Selfquest is the answer.   Please help heal our kids and ourselves.  Thanks for your attention and I look forward to hearing from you.


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