Daily InspirationWhich is more important to you, safety or intimacy? Safety and intimacy are often mutually exclusive. True intimacy has its up and downs, its closeness and its distance, its peace and its fear, its joy and its sadness. Since there is always the possibility of loss, there is no true safety in intimacy, yet it is the spice of life. Which is more important to you, safety or intimacy? By Dr. Margaret Paul
Compassion Dissipates FearBy Suzi Korsak
April 18, 2012
Compassion as described by Merriam-Webster's dictionary is: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In this sense I look at compassion as needing consciousness in order to see the distress whether it be my own wounded self or that of another. I need to be open and awake, willing to look at a situation without judging it...open to its fullness to bring support to what needs support through love.
I had a discussion with an old boyfriend the other day....and in the middle of what seemed like a mundane conversation he said "you broke my heart!" and moved on to continue his previous sentence as if he had not blurted out those words. I followed his lead of not wanting to share any more details at the moment, but I took those words with me to my Guidance to ask what I might learn from this exchange. On the other side of being a victim in this relationship, I recognize I was not the only one who was hurt during that time. I could hear his pain without judging either one of us...and see that my belief that he was mean, uncaring and without love was false. On the other side of focusing on my own pain, compassion allows me to see the bigger picture...this new awareness that this pain is not mine, but ours, the larger wounded self...bigger than either one of us...and allows me to see the pain of another is the same pain that can only be healed with love, compassion and awareness.
The fear that keeps us away from new experiences, opening our heart to connect to another is a universal fear...fear that may be expressed in different forms...anger, resentment, disassociation, shutting down, tuning out, blame...and from this fear love cannot bloom...however, compassion for this fear brings support to the places that need healing. If my awareness allows me to see we all suffer...we all stumble....we all make unconscious choices...from this awareness I can choose consciousness...consciousness allows me to connect to compassion. When I choose a compassionate intention to learn with another, when I experience their pain...I can come in contact with my own pain...my own fear...my own discomfort in myself. This awareness is a gift, compassion is the key to seeing the pain as a gift and a message of healing. I am now in contact with my own wounded self...without the fear...I can embrace the healing.
At the end of my personal Inner Bonding session, Guidance reminded me of the movie "War Games" in which a young Matthew Broderick tapped into the government computer...and what he thought was a game, was a computer that simulated outcomes...very much like my own wounded self that tries to control outcomes. At the very end of the movie...through accessing a simple game of tic-tac-toe revealed that war(fear) results in no one winning....there is no winner in war. So as with fear...fear would have us believe there is a right and a wrong...compassion allows us to see that fear is in need of love in order to heal relationships with ourselves and with others....and a song from Michael Franti called "Nobody Right, Nobody Wrong" ..."reach out a hand to somebody who needs a hand, and reach out a hear to somebody torn apart" ...this is what compassion can do for fear...your own or someone else's...letting go of seeking who is wrong, who is right....letting go of doing anything right...but bringing in awareness to the pain as support with love...and in this love fear dissipates...like clearing a window allowing us to see that the "other" and I are one...that together we can heal if we open our hearts to learning in the moment.
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