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Emotions as Information

By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006



Your emotions are an instant information system, always letting you know when you are telling yourself lies and when you are in truth. Learn about what your emotions are telling you.

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When you were a small child, your painful emotions may have felt too overwhelming to feel. If you experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, your little body was not big enough to manage the painful feelings. If you were neglected, unseen, misunderstood, invaded, smothered, shamed or ridiculed, it may have felt too painful to manage. If you were a highly sensitive child with parents who did not understand high sensitivity, you may have felt too much emotion to handle. You might have had to learn ways of not feeling so much emotion.

What did you learn to do as a child and adolescent to manage your feelings?

  • Did you learn to numb out, taking your focus out of your body and into your head, thinking rather than feeling?
  • Did you learn to use food, alcohol or drugs to numb out?
  • Did you learn to numb out in front of the TV or computer?
  • Did you learn to leave your body or to dissociate in other ways?
  • Did you learn to live in fantasy or daydreams to not be present in your body?
  • Did you learn to be a perfectionist, an overachiever, always being busy - doing rather than feeling?
  • Did you learn to get angry rather than feel the pain of the loneliness, heartache and helplessness?
  • Did you learn to focus on what was going on with others rather than on your own feelings? Did you learn to absorb others' feelings and be there to help them as a way to avoid your own pain?
  • Did you learn positive addictions, such as reading or sports, to avoid your feelings?

Those of us who did not receive the love we needed had to find various ways of managing the pain. This was a necessary part of our survival.

However, as adults, avoiding feelings has many negative consequences. Your feelings are your inner guidance system. Your feelings instantly give you much vital information.

Your painful feelings, such as fear, anxiety, emptiness, aloneness, depression, hurt, anger, jealousy, guilt and shame, are letting you know that you are thinking thoughts that are not true - that are out of alignment with what is in your highest good, or that you are behaving in ways that are harmful to you.

  • Your loneliness around another person may be letting you know that the person's heart is closed.
  • Your confusion around what another person is saying or doing may be letting you know that the person is lying.
  • Your discomfort around another person may be letting you know that the other person is not safe to be around.
  • Your inner peace, joy and fulfillment are letting you know that your thoughts and behavior are supporting your highest good.

As adults, many of our emotions come from our thoughts. If you think a thought such as "I am not good enough, " you will feel anxious or depressed. These painful feelings are your inner guidance system telling you that the thought is a lie. If you then do something to avoid feeling the anxiety or depression, you are not getting the very important information that your feelings are giving you, and you are abandoning yourself. This self- abandonment - avoiding your feelings and the information that your painful feelings are giving you - leads to addictive behavior.

As a child, others may have been causing your painful feelings. As an adult, you are generally the cause of your pain - by judging yourself, neglecting your feelings and numbing them with various addictions, and making others responsible for your pain and joy. As an adult, it is your own self-abandonment that is often the cause of your pain.

As an adult, you CAN learn to manage your painful feelings by practicing Inner Bonding - tuning into your feelings, opening to learning about the information that your feelings are giving you, and by learning to access your inner higher wisdom to bring in the truth and love to yourself. You will know that you are thinking and behaving in ways that support your highest good when you feel inner peace and joy.

The information your emotions are always giving you is vital for your health and wellbeing. Why not start today to practice Inner Bonding and attend to your emotions rather than avoid them? Joining the membership community will greatly support you in your Inner Bonding practice.

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Comments

Author Comment Date

Jimmy305
Miami Florida


I enjoyed reading this article since it makes so many good points in Dr.Margaret's usual clear writing. I had just finished reading and
taking notes on her article,"Trapped in confusion". I like the analogy used in both articles. We all are familiar with the pain of a hurt ankle for example.How do we handle this "wound" ? We feel the ankle pain and immediatly take steps to give our ankle extra care. Put less weight on it, sit with it raised, etc. We pay attention to our ankle pain and act to heal it. Emotional pain reveals itself in the ways she lists (anger, anxiety, depression, addiction, etc.) yet for many of us we don't "get" what emotional pain is saying. We don't start right away to heal it. Control in order to avoid feeling emotional pain is a
favorite of mine and many others I suspect. Theinformation given to us from emotional pain isjust ignored. Choosing Control over feeling is
like setting out on a ten mile hike with a twisted ankle rather than just admitting, I can't do it because I am hurt.
Fine article.
Jimmy

03/23/2007 03:06 AM

mentalfloss
Portland Oregon
I too enjoyed reading this article. It really speaks to me in so many ways. I have learned to numb out, use food, to be a perfectionist thinking people will like me if I do things really well, feeling hurt by so much verbal abuse from a few kids in grade school, and shame around my mothers mental illness with so many emotions I felt concerning by mother being Bipolar and dealing with her illness, I felt stuffing my feelings was the best way to deal with them, because no one was emotionally honest with me or helping me through the difficult times in my childhood. I didn't know what to do. I felt I had no choice then. I felt so emotionally abandoned. I can see how this all has effected me greatly.
I've just recently started reading on the site and I think it is wonderful. I read the free overview of Inner Bonding last night. I like it. It all seems a little mixed up right now, a lot to take in and work with, but I'm looking forward to learning more.
04/18/2007 10:32 AM

mentalfloss
Portland Oregon
Also, I want to add, what do you say to people who tell you "Feelings aren't facts".
I appreciate any feed back on this that anyone is willing to share.
Thanks
04/18/2007 10:34 AM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Dear Mentalfloss

When you ask the question "What do you say to people who..." you are actually asking the wrong question. It sounds like you are asking what you could say to affect them and make yourself feel better. The real question is what are you saying to yourself when that happens. What would be loving to say? Probably, again, the same thing you would say to yourself if they said "Green hair is an important thing to have." You would say that this is not about you or the validity of your feelings, and mahbe that they seem to be coming from a wounded or confused place. You would not need them to be any different for you to be okay. Then you have a choice. If the person is open, you could explore what this is about, but if they are not, then you decide if you want to continue the conversation-maybe you want to go on to another topic or hang up, so to speak.

Hugs

Phyllis
04/18/2007 11:50 AM

mentalfloss
Portland Oregon
Phyllis,
Thank you for your reply. I have been thinking about this for a few days now. I never thought of it that way... that it sounds like I am asking what I could say to affect them and make myself feel better. I can see where I want to please other people or control to keep the other persons love or to not create anger towards myself by what I say to others.
"The real question is what are you saying to yourself when that happens". When I hear the actual words "feeling aren't facts" I feel like the other person is saying my feelings don't matter. That I should just ignor them and think about the complete picture. But yet I don't agree when the saying "feelings arn't facts". The thing is my husband will say this from time to time.
So that is why I am asking, because I have a lot of work to do yet on my feelings. That is why I am so gratefull that I have found this web site.
I can see now where I can make a difference in how I feel by owning my own power. I've never seen this before.. but for some reason now reading these steps and this website, I have a better idea how to move forward.
"You would not need them to be any different for you to be okay". That sentence is big for me.
It's big because I can see so many times in my past/present where I want other people to act differently for me to be okay. I want to learn this..this being okay without them being different.
I suppose the steps of the Inner Bonding process is the place to start?
04/22/2007 08:10 AM

Phyllis
St. Louis Missouri
Dear Mentalfloss

Huge progress! You are starting to see how you create your own feelings. Now you are asking the second question which is how can I be okay? You know that the answer is IB, but maybe it would be helpful now to understand the good reasons that we believe and tell ourselves that we are not okay. I wrote a column "Our Wounded Selves are Not Wrong" that addresses part of that. It is easy to start to try to be okay judging and condemning the parts of us that are telling us that we are not okay. You can see, I think, that will make us feel even less okay. For me it was very helpful to see all of these parts as wounded children or teenagers inside me. I needed to become able to really love them, not resent them for messing up my life so to speak. In the process of doing IB and connecting with spirit you will learn that you are more than okay, you are deeply beautiful, a spark of God. You will help these wounded parts understand why they could not afford to believe that and you will take over the job of loving yourself so that they can. Your being okay will become an inside job. It is a road we all need to travel.

Hugs

Phyllis
04/22/2007 12:17 PM

SLCBillyGirl
Salt Lake City
That is the thing that I have been learning and I am still working on. Not turning to other people for me to feel OK. I feel great when I don't do, but I see my girlfriends doing it a lot where before I never really saw it. 04/24/2007 09:12 AM

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