Healing EnvyBy Dr. Margaret Paul
November 15, 2010
Do you sometimes find yourself feeling envy for what another has or does rather than feeling happy for them?
"I have a question about envy. I'm not talking about jealousy but specifically envy and how to be happy for someone else's good fortune. I feel like I have broke new ground on this issue as I have genuinely been able to feel happy for someone else recently who achieved something I hadn't but only after going through some Inner Bonding because my first reaction was shock and envy and it upset my balance for a while. I felt like there was some competition going on in my mind. I don't feel envy with friends in general but with my lovers I do.
"It doesn't happen all the time but when it does it has to do with a sense of competition and the fear of not being good enough or a perceived lack of achievement in an area that I'm supposed to be good at. I suppose achieving certain things boosts my ego and also makes me look more attractive in order to get love when I'm with a partner. So, if I don't get what I want I judge myself for not being better and I don't feel safe. And of course it's a vicious cycle and it makes me feel bad so when I realize that, I do an Inner Bonding process and discover that it doesn't really matter if a partner is better or not at something and it doesn't take away anything from me because I know who I really am. So I am able to feel happy for them and I feel more relaxed. The only thing is that this doesn't come natural to me sometimes."
When you feel envy, it is always because you are off track in your thinking about yourself. As this woman writes, she feels envy when her ego wounded self is telling her that she is somehow not good enough, or not as good as someone else.
This is a lie that is deeply programmed into most of us. Most of us were often compared to others - others who looked better than we did, or who were better at something than we were, or who got better grades than we did, or who had more friends than we did. Do any of us grow up unscathed regarding competition and comparisons?
It is fortunate that the questioner has a powerful process for moving beyond the competition and resulting envy, but she would like to discover a way to never go to envy to begin with.
The only way I know to do this is to be so deeply connected with your own soul essence that you know, without a doubt, how wonderful you are. And the only way I know of deeply knowing your soul essence is to be able to see your true Self through the lens of your personal spiritual Guidance.
Your Guidance is the higher part of you who knows the truth of who you really are. You ego wounded mind only knows what you have been told - what has been programmed into you by parents, teachers, siblings, peers, and the media. Your higher mind knows the unique essence that you are, the unique child of God that you are - your special piece of the puzzle that is your special place within the universe. Your higher Guidance knows that what you can offer to the world is unique to you and never needs to be compared to whatever anyone else does.
When you take the time to learn to access your spiritual Guidance and discover who you really are, you will find that you can feel truly joyous for others' accomplishments.
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Open your heart to the beauty around you - to the wonder of nature, to the caring of others, to expressions of creativity, to the presence and joy of animals. Allow the beauty around you to open your heart to love.
By Dr. Margaret Paul