Time for ConnectionBy Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006
Your relationship with yourself and your partner will always suffer and the wonder and passion of life will pass you by if you do not schedule time to connect.
Gretta and David fell deeply in love in their mid 50's. They were both astounded at the level of passion they experienced.
At the beginning of their relationship, nothing got in the way of their time together - not chores, children, work, friends or "stuff". Nothing was more important than their time together.
However, when they got married and started living together, their passion seemed to fall by the wayside. Sometimes they didn't make love for weeks at a time. They called me for a session to see what was wrong.
Half way into the session, David hit the nail on the head. "We never seem to have time for each other anymore."
Getting "Stuff" Done Instead of Connecting
"What are you doing with your time now?" I asked. "Getting stuff done," they answered.
"Why is getting the stuff done more important than time together?" I asked.
As we explored this question, both Gretta and David discovered that they had been brought up with a strong work ethic: "Get everything done before relaxing." "Work before play." What they didn't realize was that their "doing" was in the way of their "being." Without having time to be, they had no emotional and spiritual connection with each other or with themselves. Without their connection, there was no desire to express themselves sexually, especially for Gretta. Gretta complained that she didn't feel connected with David and didn't enjoy sex without connection, yet she made no room in her day for the time to connect.
Planning Time To Connect
How many of you plan time for yourself to connect with yourself and with your spiritual guidance? How many of you plan time to connect with your partner or others in your life?
Creating time to connect with yourself means setting aside time each day to just be with yourself. When you plan this quiet time - to pray, meditate, do an Inner Bonding process - you create the space to connect with Spirit as well. It is when you are quiet and in the moment with yourself that you will hear the voice of your spiritual guidance.
Creating time to connect with each other means planning time to do nothing with each other, as well as planning fun time together. It means sitting together on the patio and watching the sunset. It means having a cup of tea together before going to work. It means watching a video together, or taking a walk. It means getting into bed way before bedtime to cuddle and share your day with each other. It means getting up early enough to share your dreams with each other. It means planning a date night together at least once a week.
Your relationship with yourself and your partner will always suffer if you do not plan time to connect. This is not a luxury - something you do only after you've finished everything. This is a necessity for your own health and well-being as well as the health and well-being of your relationship. You will never finish everything you need to do. There will always be "stuff." But the wonder and passion of life will pass you by if you do not schedule in time to connect. This time needs to be as important as the time you take to eat, sleep and work. It is only when you see it as essential to your well-being will you make it a very high priority in your life.
Gretta and David decided to set aside a half hour each day to sit on their patio and do nothing with each other. In addition, they each decided to set aside another half hour - when they were usually doing stuff - to connect with themselves. It didn't take long for the passion to come back into their relationship.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For people who are partnered and people who want to be partnered."
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What is your first reaction when someone is harsh, critical, sarcastic, angry, judgmental, attacking? Do you attack back? Do you withdraw and get silent? Do you defend and explain? Today, honor the feeling in your body that says "This doesn't feel good" and either speak your truth without blame, defense or judgment and open to learning, or lovingly disengage and compassionately take care of your feelings.
By Dr. Margaret Paul