"Families are defined not by blood, but by love." ~Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open

How much time have you spent trying to make your family of origin into a loving family? Or have you given up and just accepted that you will never feel the joy of being part of a loving family?

You might consider expanding your definition of family.

We have all heard that "Home is where the heart is," which means the same thing as Elizabeth Lesser's quote. We feel home when we are heart-connected with the people in our life. Some people are very fortunate to feel heart-connected with their actual family members, but others need to create their sense of family with people other than family members.

Other than some of my children and grandchildren, I have no blood family members with whom I'm connected. Before I had children, there were no blood family members with whom I was heart-connected. It wasn't until Erika and I became friends that I understood what it was like to have a heart connection with another adult. Now I feel so grateful that, like the 'Golden Girls', we have each other with whom to share love.

We all have the capacity to create families defined by love rather than by blood. There is no law that we have to spend time with blood family members with whom we can't connect. I decided a long time ago that it was fine for me to spend time only with people whose hearts are open to love.

Finding Your Family

I assume, because you are here in IBVillage, that you want heart connections in your life. Life is very lonely without the sharing of love. How does one find this?

• First, you need to fully give yourself permission to bring the connections you want with others into your life.
   
• Then, you need to pray for that person or people to come into your life.
   
• Stay connected with your feelings with each person you meet. When Erika and I met 35 years ago, we both had the experience of feeling that we knew each other, even though we had never met. The experience of KNOWING each other was instant.
   
• Once you are aware of a heart-connection, whether with a romantic partner or a friend, you need to have the courage to follow through in creating time together. Don't leave it up to the other person. It takes time to really get to know someone and create the arena for love, caring and connection to flow.
   
• Just because you have a heart connection with a friend or partner, doesn't mean there won't be challenges. Every meaningful relationship has its challenges—that’s how we learn and evolve. So rather than running away, accept the challenges and learn the lessons they can teach you. Let love rather than fear become your guide.

The yearning for heart connection is very deep in all of us.

For me, heart connections are what life is all about, and I deeply cherish the heart connections I have. Having grown up as an only child with no connection with my parents, I feel very blessed now to have many heart connections in my life. I've worked hard on these relationships, dealing with my wounded self along the way, who kept tempting me to keep my heart closed to stay 'safe.' I'm so glad I have the tools to continue to listen to love instead of fear!

Heal your relationships with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day online relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love

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