"I hate my wounded self. I just want to get rid of her!"

"My wounded self is ruining things for me. I wish he would just go away."

"Maybe if I just ignore my wounded self, she will stop acting out."

"Of course I judge my wounded self! How else can I get him to do things right?

Which part of you is saying these things? Your wounded self of course! And what happens when you judge or ignore your wounded self? It resists and acts out more.

It is very important to see who your wounded self really is:

• The scared part of you that had to learn - with your various addictions - how to try to control your feelings, try to control others, and try to control outcomes in order to survive.
   
• The hurt part of you that had to ignore and repress your feelings in order to get through your childhood.
   
• The programmed part of you that absorbed - from your parents, siblings, teachers, relatives, friends, peers, media, and religious training - lies about you, others, God, and about what you can and cannot control.
   
• The part of you that feels separate from your source, and therefore feels alone.

It is important to see this part of you as a wounded child and adolescent who is doing the best he or she can to survive. You would likely not have survived through your younger years with some sanity without your wounded self. Now, as an adult, this part is causing your problems because it is continuing to treat your inner child the way you were treated or the way your parents treated themselves. Now, this part needs healing. But healing does not happen through judging or ignoring your wounded self.

You cannot heal your wounded self with your wounded self, and it is your wounded self who judges and ignores your feelings and your behavior and makes others responsible for you.

You cannot heal inner abandonment with further inner abandonment.

The only way to heal your wounded self is to fully embrace this part of you with a deep compassionate intent to learn.

The fears and beliefs of your wounded self that lead to your dysfunctional behavior will get healed only through learning about them, bringing in the love and truth that you have always needed, and taking loving actions on your own behalf. You will continue to act from your wounded self as long as you feel unsafe. And the more you judge and ignore yourself and hand over to others the responsibility for your safety, the more unsafe you will continue to feel. 

We feel safe inside only when we feel seen, heard, and accepted with love and compassion. We do not feel safe when the only source of love and compassion is from another person. It is not safe to be dependent upon a person, because that person can always leave or die or be in a bad mood. You will feel safe only when there is a reliable source of love - which is you bringing love in from your source. You will continue to feel unsafe if you have made a person your source. 

Your wounded self will not be willing to let go of its negativity and various addictions until there is a strong, compassionate, spiritually connected loving adult willing to learn the truth and take the loving actions necessary to create inner safety. Once there is a consistent, compassionate loving adult being guided by spirit and acting in your highest good, the wounded self will feel safe enough to begin to let go of control. 

A key to healing the wounded self is choosing a compassionate intent to learn about your wounded self, rather than continuing to ignore or try to control your wounded self with judgments and addictions. The old saying, "What you resist persists" really applies to the wounded self. The more you resist loving this part of you, the more this part of you persists.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."