Empowered by Personal Response-abilityBy Sylvia Poareo
September 25, 2009
We can resist our personal responsibility or we can relish the gift of choice and power that we have in every moment!
So it is no surprise that we respond to this language with trepidation. If we are in our wounded self, we can surely use these words to shame, judge, and isolate ourselves, repeating the admonitions of the past. We may think of taking personal responsibility as a punishment or a chore.
Yet our loving adult, connected to Guidance, can help us to reframe this and be empowered by the fact that , yes we do, we have “personal response-ability!” We can respond. Life may present us with challenges. We may have grief about not having the mothering or fathering we needed. We may be in pain. But in every moment, we can respond! We have choice and we are not victims.
Accepting personal responsibility is not a punishment, but a priceless gift of power and transformation in each moment of our lives. Sometimes people hold onto beliefs that someone else ‘should’ love them, do something for them, be different, etc., and they will stay stuck because there is no power in trying to control another. Instead, embracing our own ability to respond and choose love, brings so much possibility and freedom.
As a mother of two small children, I am reminded on a daily basis of how we can be defeated or empowered in any given moment depending on our response. My daughter says, “Julie said I was stupid!” I can either respond in a way that communicates to her that she is a victim (fear/protection), or I can empower her to own her response ability (love/co-creation). I ask, “Is that true? What would feel better to you right now?” She responds, “No, I’m not stupid. I will walk away. “ Children intuitively connect to the wisdom within and around us when reminded that they have a choice.
Sometimes we may feel overwhelmed because we were abandoned, neglected, abused and the wounded self wonders, “Why do I have to do it all alone?” Why is it up to me?” An essential part of accepting our personal response-ability is to remember we are not alone. We respond best with help from Guidance: “Here is this challenge, God/Spirit” and Spirit guides, “Here is power, here is possibility, here is Love.“ Sometimes it takes days, sometimes we need to talk it over with someone, but it is the awareness that we have choice and power to connect to Love on our behalf, that heals and transforms.
My soul rests when I ask God, “What am I doing or thinking here that is causing this pain?” There is no “other” to have to contend with. It’s really not about “what Julie says” it’s how we respond. This is so freeing! We can only control ourselves and that is all we need to control. Over time, my soul has come to know that when I ask these questions, there will be peace and loving resolution.
Using Inner Bonding has wired me to know the beauty and true power that comes from embracing personal responsibility; owning my feelings and actions and their impact on my well-being. However painful the moment can be, however activated in my wounded self I may feel, I know in my being that there will be growth, learning and empowerment when I embrace my personal response-ability.
We can feel that life “happens to us” or we can be active, creative, EMPOWERED co-creators with life, when we respond by tuning in to Love and taking care of ourselves. The more you consciously choose to embrace your personal “response-ability,” the more natural it will feel. Soon you will treasure this amazing gift of choice and authentic power that we all have in every moment.
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Today, think about what you do that makes you feel invisible to others. Do you give in to others rather than stand in your truth? Do you avoid asking for what you want to avoid rejection? Do you act like everything is okay when it isn't? Do you agree with others to avoid conflict? Do you ignore your own feelings but attend to others' feelings? If you sometimes feel invisible, notice what you may be doing to create this.
By Dr. Margaret Paul