Dating: What I Know For SureBy Suzi Korsak
March 21, 2010
Suzi discusses her new awareness that body knowledge can change the perspective and can change behavior. Staying in her body and noticing her feelings allows her to connect from a place of wholeness....it's a great way to approach dating.
Oprah has a part of her magazine where she writes “what I know for sure”, I now know in my whole being that no one wins if I give my little girl away in a dating relationship. I cannot stay connected to spirit, my guidance, my joy is no longer there…my spark is gone, my habit is to try to find it in another person. In a recent movie called “The Ugly Truth” the main character is a woman who wishes to capture the man of her dreams, really her “list” of her dream man qualifications by following the advice of a man who has convinced her he can help her land her “perfect” guy. She does capture this perfect man’s heart, but at the expense of losing every part of who she really is, including adding fake hair to make him want her. She can’t take it anymore and has to confess, just as he is about to confess his love. She reveals who she is, and his jaw drops and face saddens. Nobody won in this game of “I can make you like me”.
I went on a date the other day, and had this all in mind. A funny thing happened - I had a nice time. I wasn’t spending my time analyzing what I was saying, or not saying. I could fully engage and listen in the conversation. I could be present, and it felt different. It was after this date that I had the revelation in my whole body. It’s better to let someone else decide that you don’t fit, rather than abandon yourself for the sake of being liked or dumping yourself before they can. The good news is it was fun, and there was another date.
The twist on this, I think this man is handsome, which honestly is a challenge, because I find myself getting flushed whenever he gives me a compliment. Somehow not wanting to risk, but remembering to stay present for myself. What is the giddiness of meeting someone new, someone who makes you smile when you think about them? It’s fun, but a time of awareness, especially if someone is kind, funny, engaging…and did I mention handsome? It is a time to enjoy getting to know someone, and getting to know myself as I approach dating with this new awareness. I hope for a great outcome, and that begins with not leaving myself behind, staying open to learning. Open to learning about him, while open to learning about how my little girl feels when we are together. I know I like his smile. It begins with his eyes…and they say, “the eyes are the windows to the soul.”
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What is your first reaction when someone is harsh, critical, sarcastic, angry, judgmental, attacking? Do you attack back? Do you withdraw and get silent? Do you defend and explain? Today, honor the feeling in your body that says "This doesn't feel good" and either speak your truth without blame, defense or judgment and open to learning, or lovingly disengage and compassionately take care of your feelings.
By Dr. Margaret Paul