What Is The Message of Loneliness?By Suzi Korsak
March 25, 2010
After unpacking and putting away distractions, Suzi discusses the real message of loneliness.
The last few days I have been frustrated with the knowledge of how I am dealing with my loneliness. I know all of the things I turn to when I don’t want to feel; talking on the phone, television, food, alcohol, research, internet, relationships to name a few, and none of them to be publicly named an addiction, yet that’s what they are. My wounded self, so frustrated that I’ve removed these tools from the wounded self tool kit, asked me “What is the purpose of loneliness? And why do you think it is so important to feel it?” I believe that I let it ruminate around for a few days, feeling pretty frustrated, as I would turn to each possible distraction, a nicer way to say addiction, the little voice would say…”ah no…don’t go here…remember, you said you wanted to feel it?” At the same time my wounded self became like a small child having a tantrum, asking me “Okay, smarty pants…what are you going to do now?”
Just last week after a beautiful day with my daughter, she received a call from the police about a young transgender woman who has been so helpful in our journey. It seems this beautiful young woman had left a suicide note and was missing. (and must add she was found and is safe) I went into deep sadness, fear, and helplessness. I had no idea that this event would trigger me into deeper work. As I sifted through my feelings I found the fear was based on my wounded self’s belief that if I allowed myself to feel loneliness, I would want to die as I had when I was a young girl. However, rather than go into believing that was true I was reminded of the words of Jeremy Taylor at the dream workshop about dreams of suicide. Let’s also preface it with what he states about dreams and day dreams, all come in the service of health and wholeness to the dreamer. Suicide in dreams is “the metaphor of conscious participation of growth and individuation.” I realized it has always been a call to growth and change. I am reminded of the quote from Anais Nin “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Sometimes we’re stuck in that place of pain believing that the blossoming is too much of a risk, but this pain is a call to blossom, to risk feeling, to risk to learn what the feeling is bringing.
So this morning I asked guidance, “What is the message of loneliness?”, and the answer was “It is an emotional hunger, just as we have physical hunger.” And so I asked, “What is the purpose of this hunger? And how do I satisfy it? I’m so afraid that this hunger will never end…” and Jesus answered (my guidance) “The message of loneliness is a wake up call. A call that the true connection is missing, that love and compassion are running low in your tank and you're in need of a fill up. That it is time to connect to spirit and fill up those spaces with love and compassion for self first and to be that light for others to see, and connect. It’s a call to connection as physical hunger is a call to eat food. It comes in service to us for our health and wholeness as do our dreams, ( thank you Jeremy Taylor. ) Our feelings, both physical and emotional come in service to us, giving us loving signals that something is missing, it is our job to stay in our loving adult and connected to guidance to know what is the loving response. Feelings, and I mean ALL FEELINGS, as I paraphrase Jeremy Taylor on dreams, come in service of the health and wholeness of the human being. They all appear to teach, what’s that saying, when the student is ready, the teacher appears….and I would switch that up a little, when the student is aware of the teacher (feelings) the lessons can begin.
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Share your love with those who share their love. Bless and love from a distance those who withhold their love or have no love to share. One aspect of loving yourself is to discern who reliably shares love and who doesn't, and not to allow your sharing of love to be a one-way street.
By Dr. Margaret Paul