Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and ConnectionBy Dr. Margaret Paul
April 11, 2011
Discover a major cause of depression and how you can begin to heal it - today!
I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can't think of anything I really want to do. I've tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don't know why I'm here on this planet. What is it all about?
Most therapies do not deal with the underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Lila, a member of the Inner Bonding® website, shared this about her healing process:
I must’ve gone through dozens of therapists since my first one at 17. Several were even psychiatrists. And they helped ... but not in an all-the-way-to-the-very-bone way…. I kept working to treat specific problems, but still felt incomplete once they were solved…. it’s because my inner child needed much, much more than that. She needed unconditional love from me—something traditional therapy somehow couldn’t quite provide….Lately, whenever I think about logical, strategic cognitive behavioral therapy, its techniques and tools, my inner child rebels intensely…..self-love comes first; filling up from within comes first. Regardless of my social status, my financial status, my career status, my marital status, without self-love, I have nothing if I don’t have that…. I know that because of Inner Bonding, I will eventually be able to live a normal life….Meditating with a conscious intent to love myself and Inner Bonding with the same intent is becoming my way of learning to love myself unconditionally—regardless of how other people react to me. And I can see that in loving myself, I will also automatically become more loving toward others too.
I started my work with Gretchen with an Inner Bonding process:
"Gretchen, please tune into what you are feeling right now."
"Sad. Empty. Depressed. Pretty much like I feel most of the time."
"Please breathe into these feelings, getting fully present with them….Can you find a place within you that wants responsibility for being the cause of these feelings?"
"Are you saying that I might be causing these feelings?"
"Yes, you might be. If you are, are you willing to find out what you might be thinking and how you might be treating yourself that is causing them?"
"Well, yes, I am!"
"Your feelings are an inner guidance system. Imagine that your feelings are a child within, letting you know each moment whether you are taking loving care of her, or abandoning her. Now, breathe into your heart, and open to curiosity about what you might be telling yourself or how you might be treating yourself that is causing your inner little girl to feel sad, empty, and depressed. Then focus inside again and allow the feelings to answer."
Child Gretchen: "All you do is judge me, all the time. You are always telling me that I'm not good enough, that I didn't do something right, and that I'm stupid."
Adult Gretchen: "Oh my God! I do this all the time, just like my mother did!"
"And what did you want from your mother?"
"I wanted her to hold me, to care about my feelings, to be kind and gentle with me."
"Isn't this exactly what your inner child wants from you?"
"Yes! But I never thought that this is something I could give to myself. I thought it had to come from someone else."
"Gretchen, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?"
"I believe in God, if that's what you mean."
"Can you talk with God and also hear God talking with you?"
"I don’t know. I've just prayed to God, but I never tried talking to God or listening to God."
"Try it now. Ask God 'What is the first thing I need to start to do to begin to take loving care of my little girl?"
"…………..God says to stop judging her - that she is a wonderful little girl and doesn’t deserve to ever be judged by me. God is showing me as a little girl - I was so sweet!"
"How do you feel right now?"
"Good! I feel good! I feel alive!
Gretchen started to diligently practice Inner Bonding and within a short time, was consistently taking loving care of herself. Life took on new meaning, aliveness and passion for her as she learned to love herself and share her love with others.
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One of the hardest feelings to feel is that of helplessness over others - over others being mean, judgmental, rejecting and not seeing you or valuing you. Most people would rather get angry, or judge themselves or others, rather than feel this very painful feeling. This feeling needs your deep compassion, which you can give yourself only when you fully accept that you are powerless over how others' feel and behave.
By Dr. Margaret Paul