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What do we really need? Living and Parenting beyond domination

By sylviap
September 11, 2018

Returning to a paradigm of co-existence with Inner Bonding facilitates our own inner connection to guidance and intuition that fosters our ability to support our children.

The other day I was reading a book with my 7 yo that shared the latest theory about how dogs became ‘man’s best friend.’ It stated that perhaps, humans did not actually domesticate dogs by luring, dominating and using dogs, as was commonly believed, but actually because humans observed how wolves worked together to hunt and they decided to co-exist with them. Paleontologists and dog scientists are now speculating it could be imagined that the lone human actually learned how to be a pack animal, delegate, care for the young, care for the elders, distribute resources and obtain food collaboratively, by coexisting and learning from wolves.

Because my son and I have engaged in earth-based and indigenous focused homeschooling we were not as surprised as the scientists. To native peoples all over the world, this would be an obvious assumption because their paradigm is one of coexistence with the earth and its inhabitants. Yet, when steeped as we are in a paradigm of conquest/domination we default to the first assumption (that humans domesticated dogs). Domination is the air we breathe in the Western world because this conquering and exploiting of others is how empires and people have gained control and achieved “power.”

The fact that we live in a conquest oriented society and that domination is taught to us from day one, comes up a lot in conversations about parenting. Why is there such a legacy of abuse and oppression in child rearing? Largely because the dominant structures we live in have perpetrated it. The unconscious, wounded, controlling self has in fact seen abuse and oppression as the key to survival repeatedly throughout agricultural history (dominate or be dominated). And then there is the fundamental stress and trauma experienced by those oppressed that make it difficult to make loving choices and changes. People, throughout time have sought to control and numb their pain through various addictions and acting out that invariably hurts others, and so the cycle continues.

Something that I found extremely helpful in returning to the intuitive sense of co-existence that is our birthright, when raising my children, was asking, “Would they need this is in the jungle?”

This was my shorthand for…

if we lived connected to our innate capacity,

to spirit and to the earth,

in tune with its rhythms,

and aware of all that is truly nourishing and freely available by being present in harmony with all beings,

with a sense of safety and trust in Life/God..

what would we really need?

what would we naturally do?


Inner Bonding helps us do the same by cutting through the false beliefs of competition, scarcity, fear based thinking and returning to the peace and love found in connecting within and with our spiritual guidance. We are like warriors slashing through the mire with a machete, returning to our true paths. And what is important to remember is that because we are swimming in a culture of domination and disconnection, this tuning in and reconnection to truth must be a daily practice to live with authenticity, free expression and purpose.

In this culture of disconnection that is being perpetrated globally now, it is extremely helpful to spend time in the natural world, to observe the plant life, the insects, the birds, the animals, ocean life and so on, at all levels. Being present in their bodies and essence they have remained true (when in their natural environment) to their intuitive imprint of connection and expression of who they are and their role in the larger web.

Co existence is natural, it is our default. And what it means for children, as observed in many hunter gatherer societies is that they are observed, honored, nurtured, listened to, allowed to be themselves, and to unfold, guided by the adults around them.  Similarly, we as Loving Adults to our inner selves can support ourselves to move past self abandonment and domination to true self love and support.

So much of that ideal tribe or village community has long been fragmented. But we can honor our souls’ innate desire for connection within and with others by practicing Inner Bonding and nature connection. As we tune into ourselves and the vibrant abundance of the natural world /God all around us, we reconnect to so much more inner capacity and potential. From this full inner space, we can then model a connected, intuitive, nourishing return to co-existence to the children around us, setting the stage for a more whole and connected future!


To join Sylvia for upcoming retreats and workshops in October, visit her website at!  


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