Sue Ann asks:

"I keep texting my ex, sometimes every other week. He does not reply but I have the need to connect with him. Even though I have done some Inner Bonding work it is still a very prominent part of my life. What can I do?"

Sue Ann, of course you have a need to connect. We all have a need to connect with others, but the problem is that your little girl needs to first connect with you. Even though you say you have done some Inner Bonding, the fact that you are still trying to connect with him even though he doesn't reply indicates that you are not connecting with yourself and your guidance.

It is not loving to your inner child to keep trying to connect with someone who doesn't respond to you. It indicates that you are trying to give your little girl  - your feelings - to your ex, rather than taking responsibility for connecting with her yourself and taking responsibility for learning from your feelings.

Here is what you might want to do instead…

When you feel the need to connect with him, go inside, open to learning, and ask your little girl how you are abandoning her. Are you staying focused in your head, rather than in your body - ignoring your feelings? Are you judging yourself? Are you turning to any substances or activities to avoid feeling and taking responsibility for your feelings? Are you telling yourself that you cannot manage the pain of the loneliness and heartache, so you need to try to connect with him?

Imagine you have an actual child who is feeling sad, hurt, alone, lonely, anxious, or depressed. This child needs your caring, understanding, kindness, compassion, and undivided attention. She needs you to connect with her to feel loved and safe enough to feel and release her painful feelings. She needs you to hold her and comfort her with a lot of love. If, instead, you were to tell her to go to someone else who was actually unavailable to comfort her, she would feel even worse, because now she is being abandoned by you.

This is what is happening inside with your inner child. By texting your ex, who is not available to comfort you and connect with you, you are actually creating even more distress.

Once you understand how you are abandoning yourself, open up to learning with your spiritual guidance, and ask, "What does my little girl need from me right now to feel calmer and safer?"

Your guidance might say…

"Pick up a doll, stuffed animal or pillow and hold her the way you would hold a child you dearly love. Let her know she is not alone, that you are with her, and I (your guidance) am with her."

"Look at a photo of you as a child and notice what is wonderful and lovable about you, telling your little girl out loud how precious she is."

"Pray and/or meditate to get more connected with yourself and with me, your guidance."

"Call a friend who might be available to help you connect with yourself, or attend a 12-Step meeting."

"Do something that is fun for you to do – something your little girl loves to do."

"Take a walk in nature and do some more Inner Bonding dialoguing."

"Do some journaling to understand what your inner child needs from you right now."

"Do something creative."

There are many things your guidance might say to you to help you connect with yourself. The point is that when you are more connected with yourself, you will naturally let go of texting someone who is not available for connection. Once you connect with yourself and your guidance, then you can reach out to others who are available for connection.

Learn to connect with your spiritual Guidance with Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom, A 30-Day at-home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Image by Ph?m Quang Hoàn from Pixabay