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How Important is it to You to Love?

By Dr. Margaret Paul
January 31, 2022

Are you open to deeply loving and receiving love, or is it more important to you to protect against getting hurt?

"Being deeply loved by someone
Gives you strength,

While loving someone deeply
Gives you courage."
~Lao Tzu

deeply loved, deeply lovingThere is nothing so wonderful in life as deeply loving and feeling deeply loved. We receive much strength and support in feeling deeply loved, and it takes much courage to love deeply.

This is, perhaps, the most vulnerable experience in life. To love deeply and receive another's deep love means that your heart is completely open – open to both love and loss.

Which decision have you made?

  • That it's better to love and lose than never love at all
  • That it's better to not completely love and not be so vulnerable to the pain of loss

When my second son, Josh, was 13 years old, we did a transition ceremony for him – which we did for all three of our children. In the year before he was thirteen, he had to pick a theme, study on the theme, and give a 20-minute speech on the theme to all our friends and relatives at the ceremony. His theme was about discovering himself.

During that year, his beloved cat died. One of the things he said in his speech that I was so proud of him for, was that he learned, through the loss of his cat, that it was worth loving even through the pain of loss – that it was better to love and lose than never love at all.

Being openhearted enough to love fully is a journey – not just a decision.

In my experience, it's practicing Inner Bonding that gives us the strength and courage to love fully. The more we learn to love ourselves, the more we know that we can manage the loss of someone we deeply love and feel deeply loved by.

Often, when two people love each other deeply, the loss isn't through rejection or divorce – it's through death or debilitation such as accidents or Alzheimer’s. Loss will eventually occur because death is inevitable. And we never know when.

That's why it takes strength and courage to fully love. And that's why it's so important to practice Inner Bonding throughout each day to develop the strength and courage of your loving adult.

It really comes down to why you are on the planet

Are you here to just try to get through and be safe from pain, or are you here on the spiritual journey of evolving in your ability to love? For me, love is what it's all about.

What is it about for you? What is more important to you than loving yourself, loving others and being loved? Is it more important to not get hurt, to not be taken advantage of, to not be controlled, to win, or not lose, or be right? Is it more important to never feel the deep heartbreak, loneliness, grief, and helplessness of losing a loved one than it is to love in this moment?

These are important questions to ask yourself. Obviously, the goal of the wounded self is to be safe rather than to love. Which part of you is in charge most of the time?

It's the practice of Inner Bonding - which includes any necessary trauma therapies and keeping the frequency of your body high through healthy eating - that gradually enables us to have the strength and courage to let go of always trying to stay in control to be safe from hurt and instead choose to be fully open to loving.

I hope you don't miss out on what life is all about by choosing control and safety rather than love. I sincerely hope your courage and commitment to growth wins, every time, directing you toward the ultimate experience of love.

Margaret Paul holds a PhD in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, consultant, and artist. Heal your relationship with Margaret’s relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love.


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Creating the habit of thinking about love and what is loving to yourself and others will keep you connected with Spirit. When you are with Spirit, you will not be in fear.


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Creating the habit of thinking about love and what is loving to yourself and others will keep you connected with Spirit. When you are with Spirit, you will not be in fear.



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