"Am I Being Too Picky Regarding a Partner?"By Dr. Margaret Paul
September 12, 2022
Discover the difference between being picky and being discerning.
When Mary, a client of mine, was dating in her 20's, she was idealistic regarding how much money the man made. "I didn't think that was important. I thought I was being too superficial and materialistic if I cared about how much money he made. I've always been financially successful, but I never thought much about whether or not he was."
Currently, in her mid 30's, she is looking for a partner to settle down with and have a family. "Now it seems important. If I have children, I want to be able to stay home with them at least until they are in school. I want to work from home, but I don't want to have to carry the financial burden. Am I being too materialistic to care about how much money he makes?"
It’s Loving to You to Want a Partner Who is Loving to Himself or Herself
"Mary," I said to her, "don't you want to be with a man who is a loving adult and taking responsibility for himself? You have been working hard on creating your loving adult and maintaining your openness to learning. Don't you want to be with a man who is responsible in all areas, including financial? A loving adult takes responsibility in all areas of life - emotional, physical, financial, relational, spiritual, and organizational. Wouldn't you think that a man who is personally responsible would naturally be taking good care of himself financially? And wouldn't you think that a man who hates his job or is in deep debt might not be a loving adult?"
"So it's okay to want a man who earns a good living?"
"Of course it’s okay. In fact, you would not be taking good care of yourself if you ended up with a man who was financially dependent upon you. This doesn't mean that it is okay for you to be financially dependent upon him. You are an intelligent and creative woman and fully capable of taking good care of yourself financially. If you end up with a man who makes a lot of money and is okay with you staying at home with children, that's fine. However, if you end up with a man who makes a decent living but not enough to fully support you, that's okay too. In either case, he is enough of a loving adult to take care of himself. But a man who cannot financially support himself is not showing up as a loving adult and this lack of adulthood will likely show up in other areas as well. The challenge is to find a partner who is open to learning about taking loving care of himself in all areas, including financial."
You Have a Right to Want What You Want
"I keep thinking I am being too picky," replied Mary. "I want a man who is open to learning, who is spiritual, who is not emotionally needy, and who takes good care of his physical body. I also want a man who is organized enough to be on time and keep things neat. When I go to a man's house or apartment and it is really messy or his car is really messy, I'm turned off. And I'm not attracted to very overweight men. So I keep thinking that there is something wrong with me - that I'm just too picky."
"Mary, there is nothing wrong with wanting a man with all these positive qualities. These qualities indicate that he is operating as a loving adult. Of course you will not be attracted to a man who isn't taking responsibility for himself. You are what you are asking him to be, and why would you want less than that? You are not being too picky - you are being discerning!"
"But do such men exist?"
"Of course! But you are not going to find this man unless you take the judgment off yourself for what you want and then go for it. I suggest that you fully own what it is you want with no qualifications. Write it all down and ask for support from your guidance. Spirit can support you in finding your partner only when you fully own what you want."
Learn how to attract the partner of your dreams! Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Attracting your Beloved."
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By Dr. Margaret Paul