Getting Love, Sharing LoveBy Dr. Margaret Paul
July 24, 2023
Do you believe that getting love or giving love is what fulfills? The best experience is the sharing of love, which we can't do until we are loving ourselves.
The feeling of love is the very best feeling in the world, even better than sex or ice cream! The Bible states in 1 John 4:16 that "God is love." When our hearts are open, the love that is God comes into the physical body and fills us with the delicious feelings of joy and peace. Love is always available, as available as the air we breathe. Yet most people do not go through their days filled with love, joy, and peace. Instead, they feel empty and alone, and often turn to various addictions (such as sex and ice cream) to fill the emptiness and aloneness.
One of the addictions many people turn to is the addiction of getting love from others. Coming from the belief that other people need to be their source of love, they try in various ways to gain control over getting that love. Through physical appearance, accomplishments, niceness, compliments, cuteness, being funny, threats, anger, irritation, and blame, people try to manipulate others into giving them the love, attention, and approval they need. Sometimes this works for the moment, but like food or sex, it is only for the moment. Trying to feel filled through others is an exhausting way to live.
Other people try to get filled through the giving of love. The problem here is that unless you are first bringing love into yourself and then sharing your love from a full place within, the giving of love becomes just another manipulation to get love. This is caretaking - giving to get. I can tell you from personal experience, since this was my major addiction, that caretaking does not lead to feeling filled up with love, peace, and joy. Rather, it leads to feeling drained, used, and resentful, since rarely do others give back the love you hope for.
The highest experience in life with another person is the sharing of love.
A circle of love is experienced when two or more people are sharing love from a full place within.
We are full of love within only when we have a spiritually connected loving adult self who is intent on taking loving care of ourselves. When our intent is to take full personal responsibility for ourselves - physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, organizationally, and relationally - then our inner child feels loved and safe inside. Our intent to support our own highest good opens the door to connection with spirit, and love fills our hearts and souls. This deeply peaceful and joyous feeling can then be shared with others whose hearts are also open to loving and learning.
The sharing of love is truly an amazing experience. It can happen in person or over the phone or online. It can happen in letters, texts, or email. Time and place are irrelevant - love is an energy that can be experienced from any distance. Each of us has the opportunity to be messengers of love when we do our inner work and become able to share love with others.
The wounded self does not understand the vast difference between the getting of love and the sharing of love.
Because getting a bit of love from someone feels good, the wounded self thinks that the best feelings come from getting love. Until you have the experience of bringing God-that-is-love into yourself, you do not realize that loving yourself brings far greater joy than getting love. And until you are loving yourself, you cannot experience the even greater joy of sharing love with others. There is no addiction - no drug, no food, no experience - that comes close to the incredible joy of feeling the love-that-is-God within and sharing that love with others.
If you have never had the experience of sharing love, you may not realize what you are missing. Sometimes it may seem hard to be motivated to keep doing your inner work if you have never experienced the joy of loving yourself and sharing that love with others. I hope you keep in mind that only by doing your inner work will you ever be able to experience the greatest experience on the planet - the sharing of love!
Heal your relationships with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day online video relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love.
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Your emotions are a great gift, letting you know when you are on track or off track in your thinking and behavior, or when you need to attend to what is happening with a person or situation. Today, practice learning what your painful emotions are telling you, rather than avoiding them with your various addictions.
By Dr. Margaret Paul