When I was growing up, I was taught to believe that most people knew more than I did about what was right for me. Adults, I was told, such as my parents and teachers, certainly knew more. I was taught that other children, if they were boys, also knew more. I was taught to not trust my feelings and inner knowing, deferring to others who supposedly knew more than me.

I grew up with a fear of anyone who was in authority.

Because I didn't trust myself, I turned to others for validation of what I should or should not do. I spent many years seeking others' approval and advice. When I was around others to whom I gave authority over me, I was often quiet and compliant.

Today, I enjoy learning about others' points of view, and I sometimes seek others' advice. However, now I make my own decisions based on my spiritual guidance and on what feels right to me.

Now, I run into the opposite situation - others giving me authority over them - authority which I do not want!

At my 5-Day Intensives, I caution the participants about not giving their authority away to me. "Inner Bonding is about becoming your own guru. It is not about making anyone an authority over you," I say to them. Yet time and time again, people hand their inner child over to me for approval and then feel afraid of me.

Janine was working with me at an Intensive. She was trying hard to say the right thing so that I would approve of her.

"Janine, it seems to me that you want something from me, and I'd like to know what it is."

"I want you to like me and validate me."

"How do you feel inside when you are focused on getting me to like you and validate you?"

"Anxious."

"So, when you hand your inner child to me for validation, you feel bad. Your child gets anxious because you are abandoning her."

"Oh my God! I do that with everyone in authority! I always think that you or someone else knows more about my value and what I should do than I do. No wonder I am always seeking everyone's advice!"

"So as soon as you want my approval and validation, you become afraid of me, is that right?"

"Yes! Now I am afraid of your disapproval and judgment. I am sure you do not like me."

"Jenine, how can your inner child feel liked by you when you are abandoning her to me? It sounds like when you think so little of yourself as to give your inner child to me for validation, then you automatically project onto me that I don't like you. But I do like you - a lot. It is you who does not like you. And I don't think you can take in my caring for you as long as you are not caring about yourself by abandoning yourself to me."

Janine, like me, had grown up not trusting her own feelings and knowing. She was constantly seeking validation from those around her, and she was exhausted as a result of this. It is very tiring to try to control others instead of trusting yourself.

Everyone has the ability to move beyond a fear of authority.

Everyone can do the inner work by practicing Inner Bonding, of learning to trust yourself. The more you connect with your soul essence and your spiritual guidance, the more you will trust your inner and higher knowing. 

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."