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Pushing vs. Loving Action

By Nancy Swisher
December 31, 2006

We live in a culture where people push at life, trying to make things happen, needing to feel in control. By pushing, I mean taking action but from a disconnected place, i.e. not connected to your feelings (Child) or to Spirit. It's quite easy to slip into a place of pushing - in our society it's more or less the normal way of being. Most of us have a wounded self that learned to push in order to accomplish goals. But making things happen from a place of pushing and control is very different than being productive from a Loving Adult place. It's a totally different feeling.

I have a rather mundane example from my own life where I was able to distinguish the two things. And of course it's the mundane - the ordinary moments of life - that make up our life, right? I appreciate the practice of Inner Bonding because it gives me access to bring consciousness to these small routine moments.

In my little town of Washington, Massachusetts, the dump is open on Wednesday evening and Saturdays. During the month of March my garbage had been accumulating in the garage because there had always been either a blizzard or I'd had clients when the dump was open. Then, a couple weeks ago on a Saturday, I was free to go to the dump! However, I had pulled my back shoveling and was aware of taking care of it.

One voice in my head said, "Go to the dump - you're lazy for letting the garbage accumulate! You can do it! It won't hurt your back."I tuned in to my body. Another voice said. "Don't make me lift all those bags! My back hurts!"

Knowing that I do have a wounded part who procrastinates (though I don't let her very often) I stood in the kitchen really trying to feel what was most loving to me on this particular Saturday morning.I did the six-steps standing in front of the stove, glancing out the window in the door to the garage where the garbage awaited! The two voices were battling it out. I opened to my Guidance: "What is loving to myself right now?" I asked.

I ended up not going to the dump.I realized my back was much more important than getting the garage clear. I also set boundaries with my wounded child so she wouldn't judge me all day for not going!

I could have gone to the dump - pushed through my back tension. Perhaps without further hurting my back. But to me on this day that didn't feel loving.

In oriental medicine, the energy channel that runs along the spine - the bladder meridian - tightens when we push at life! That's one of the consequences in the body when we take action but from a disconnected place. Given my back was already tight, I must have been pushing in some area anyway.

Practicing Inner Bonding develops a consciousness, which can distinguish pushing at life from Loving Action.The world doesn't need any more pushing!

Nancy Swisher, MA, MFA is a Certified Inner Bonding Facilitator with a private practice in western Massachusetts. She is available for phone sessions and leads a support group by conference call. Available at 413-655-0102 or


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