"Life is a labor pain; we are here to give birth to ourselves." ~Bernie Siegel

Are you giving birth to yourself every day? Giving birth to yourself means that you:

• Strive to stay open to learning with your essence about what brings you joy
• Strive to stay connected with your feelings—wanting responsibility for learning from and managing both wounded feelings and core feelings
• Strive to stay open to learning with your guidance about truth and loving action
• Take loving action for yourself throughout the day—emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally, organizationally and financially
• Offer your love and your gifts to others each day, in as many ways as you can
• Choose compassion rather than judgment for your feelings, mistakes and failures
• Choose compassion rather than judgment for your wounded self
• Choose compassion rather than judgment for the woundedness of others
• Are willing to lose others rather than lose yourself

I'm sure this is not a complete list, but it is what comes to mind right now. I'd love to hear your ideas on what birthing yourself means.

It’s not so much giving birth to ourselves that causes the most pain, but rather that the pain is caused by NOT giving birth to ourselves.

It is often because of pain that we finally embark on the journey of giving birth to ourselves. If we are not willing to experience pain, we will never be in Step One of Inner Bonding—the willingness to feel our pain and take responsibility for it.

If we are not willing to feel the pain that comes from not giving birth to ourselves, we will spend our lives protecting against that pain with our intent to avoid/control. This choice is a denial of why we are here on the planet—to give birth to our ability to love fully, and to fully manifest the gifts we have been given.

Are you staying stuck in protection because you are afraid of getting hurt—afraid of the journey of birthing yourself?

Are you making avoidance of the pain of rejection and loss more important than supporting your soul's reason for being on the planet? If you stay with this choice, you need to accept the resulting pain of anxiety, fear, depression, emptiness, deadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, shame and boredom – the pain that accompanies not giving birth to yourself.

The wounded self wants us to believe that opting for the 'safety' of controlling and avoiding is what life is all about, and this is a very sad thing. If this illusion of safety was what life is about, then controlling and avoiding would bring us great joy, instead of bringing us the painful wounded feelings that cause us so much suffering.

Our inner peace and joy let us know that we are birthing ourselves.

Whenever you are not feeling the deep peace and quiet joy of birthing yourself, you know you are deadening yourself. Why would you want to do this?

The main reason people choose to protect/control/avoid is because they are afraid to feel the authentic core painful feelings of living an alive life—the loneliness, heartbreak, grief and helplessness that are an inevitable part of a life fully lived. When you allow yourself to risk—to risk loving with your whole heart and soul, and to risk following your passion and fully expressing your gifts—your heart will break over and over. This is an inherent part of an open-hearted life. And when you learn to embrace your heartbreak with compassion for yourself, you will find you can manage the heartbreak rather than avoid it with all your protections.

I encourage you to consider choosing to birth yourself moment by moment.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.