How Important Is It To You To Become A Loving Adult?

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." - Napoleon Hill

How strong is your desire to be a loving adult?

This is an important question to ask yourself. Do you have a strong, keen ‘pulsating desire’ to be a consistent loving adult, that transcends everything? Or are there things that are far more important to you? It’s time to be honest – what is REALLY important to you – more important than evolving in your ability to love?

I’m going to list some statements that may actually be more important to you than being loving to yourself and others. Go inside and honestly see if any of these statements fit for you. You might want to print this out so you can mark the ones that fit. And please – no judgments! If you judge yourself, you will not be able to be honest with yourself. These things are frequently discovered to be part of the agenda of the wounded self, and most of us relate strongly with some of them.

It is most important to me to:

• be loved than to be loving.
• avoid the pain of rejection or engulfment.
• have my way – controlling others and outcomes.
• not be controlled.
• avoid being duped or taken advantage of.
• avoid having my feelings hurt.
• avoid mistakes and failure, embarrassment and humiliation.
• avoid the pain of loneliness, heartbreak, grief and helplessness over others, situations, and outcomes.
• avoid the loss of money.
• make a lot of money, even if others get hurt in the process.
• have consistent sex.
• numb my feelings.
• feel safe.
• be seen as ‘good’ and ‘nice.’
• be seen as smart, or not be seen as stupid.
• be seen as physically attractive.
• avoid being seen as weak.
• avoid anger and judgment.
• avoid conflict.
• be right, not be wrong.
• avoid being alone.
• Other_______________________.
  
   

If you found some that you relate to, take a moment to reflect on why these things are more important to you than being a loving adult.

You might have the hope and the wish to be a loving adult, but it is only when your desire is profound – keen and pulsating – that you can move beyond these agendas of the wounded self.

Do you ever hear yourself say to yourself, “Sure, I want to be loving, as long as____________________?” What would fill in the blank for you? What are the exceptions? What is ACTUALLY most important to you?

If you have been struggling with learning to be a loving adult, it is likely that one or more of these wounded-self agendas are in the way. If these agendas are unconscious for you, then they can easily get in the way of being a compassionate loving adult with yourself and others.

The challenge in becoming aware of what is more important to you than being a loving adult is to take off all judgment of these agendas.

If these are more important to you, then there must be a very good reason why this is so, and the only way you can understand and eventually release these agendas is to be in a compassionate intent to learn about why they are so important. This is a large part of the payoff of an Inner Bonding practice.

Many of the people who consult with me believe that the most important thing to them is being a loving adult. But for most of them, the ‘pulsating desire’ isn’t there – and this desire is what is necessary to do the level of inner work required to be a consistent loving adult.

For me, the thing that brought the pulsating desire was my deep knowing that my reason for being on the planet is to evolve in my ability to love – which has to start with loving me – and to fully manifest my essence on the planet. To me, everything else pales in importance.

Go inside and consider what is really and truly most important to you. Then use Inner Bonding to learn more and free yourself from any subconscious or unconscious motives.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

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