How We Heal, Change and GrowBy Dr. Margaret Paul
May 18, 2020
Discover what creates true healing and lasting change for you.
I have worked with many people who sought me out after years and years of talk therapy without finding the healing they sought. I’ve also worked with people who have spent years in various forms of emotional release therapy, such as Primal Therapy, without finding the healing they seek. I myself had years of both forms of therapy without finding the inner peace and joy I was looking for – until Inner Bonding.
Peter A. Levine, in his excellent book, “In An Unspoken Voice,” states that
“…feelings accessed through body awareness, rather than emotional release, bring us the kind of lasting change that we so desire.” p. 345
In my experience, it is not an either/or situation - either we access our feelings by being present in our body, or cry or pound in emotional release, or talk about it.
Actually, it is all of these and more. We need to access our feelings, in Step One of Inner Bonding, through body awareness. We need to open to learning, in Step Two, about what our feelings are telling us, and move into compassion for our feelings with the help of our spiritual guidance. In Step Three, we explore our beliefs and behavior – a cognitive process. In the course of this exploration, we may need to cry or do an anger process to release certain feelings, so that we can raise our frequency enough to connect with our guidance and receive truth and information about loving action in Step Four. Then, of course, we need to take the loving action in Step Five and check in with how we are feeling in Step Six.
I have not seen lasting change occur from just accessing feelings through body awareness, as Levine states. I have only seen lasting change with a strong spiritual connection guiding us in taking loving action for ourselves. But we need to start with accessing our feelings through body awareness, which is why this is the first step of Inner Bonding.
How does lasting change occur? Through the daily consistent practice of all Six Steps of Inner Bonding. Inner Bonding brings together all the elements necessary for lasting healing and change – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.
The Key Word is….
I cannot tell you how often someone discovers Inner Bonding, starts to practice it, and immediately feels better. Then, because they feel so much better, they stop practicing Inner Bonding! This is like eating really well to lose weight or get healthy, and then, once you get there, going back to eating junk – and then wondering why you are gaining weight and feeling crappy!
There are others who read the books and the articles and know everything there is to know about Inner Bonding – but rarely actually practice it. They tell everyone else how to do it, but they don’t consistently do it themselves – and they wonder why it isn’t working for them. This is like reading about good nutrition and exercise and knowing everything about it, but not actually doing it. Inner Bonding is a process you have to actually DO consistently for it to work!
‘Consistently’ means learning to stay present in your body with your feelings; consistently wanting responsibility for them; consistently choosing the intent to learn what your feelings are telling you about your beliefs, behavior and the environment; consistently keeping your heart open to the love, compassion, truth and wisdom of spirit; consistently taking loving action, and consistently evaluating how you feel as a result. Of course, all this consistency takes lots of practice. But without practice, habit will prevail, and you will continue to do what you’ve always done – consistently allowing your wounded self to take over. No healing or change occurs when you consistently operate from your wounded self.
If you are not consistently practicing Inner Bonding, you might want to explore why not. There are likely a number of false beliefs getting in the way of your healing and change.
At this time of great challenge and change on our planet, it’s more important than ever to consistently practice Inner Bonding and learn to consistently love yourself.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.
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Today, notice all self-judgment as a form of control. "If I judge myself, then others won't judge me." "If I judge myself, I can get myself to perform, to accomplish, to do it right - and then people will like me." "If I judge myself as being flawed and therefore the cause of others' rejecting behavior, I can continue the illusion that I cause - and therefore control - others' feelings and behavior." Today, notice your false beliefs about judgment and control.
By Dr. Margaret Paul