I often receive emails and questions regarding where to start the Inner Bonding process.

Cynthia asked:

"I'm in the midst of some kind of break, break up, separation...something like that. I play the role of the dependent one and he, the independent one. We are both so scared with a deep love for each other and still very wounded hearts. I feel like I am being asked to let go of my controlling ways and find the inner bonding I need to have healthy relationships and a fulfilling life. But I realize, I don't really have the trust in life and time the way I'd like to think I do. I would be lying if I said I didn't want us to come back together again, I think he would too if he could really trust that I would take more responsibility for my pain. I am going to do this program no matter what because it is really speaking to me. Do you have any advice for navigating this whole process in a way that is constructive and healing? I don't want us to hurt each other any more. Part of me thinks I should just leave him be. I watched your video on when to leave a relationship and this is definitely premature. Do I just need to be patient and do my work?"

How Do You Like to Learn?

Different people learn in different ways. Some learn the most by reading. Others love to watch videos. Some need to have personal contact with a facilitator or attend a workshop or an Intensive to understand the process, while others love working on a computer and receive great benefit from SelfQuest. Some receive all they need to know from the free Inner Bonding course, and then they are off and running with their Inner Bonding practice. Some do all of it at the same time. What is important is to tune in to how you like to learn.

Regardless of how you learn best, the most important thing is to begin your Inner Bonding practice. Like anything worth learning, it takes practice. The more you practice the process, the better you get at it and the better you feel.

Focus on You, Not on The Other Person

When it comes to your relationship, remember that it can take some time to reach a point where you are actually taking responsibility for your feelings. The fact that you are worrying about whether or not you should just leave him be, indicates that you are still more focused on him than on your own learning and healing.

Now is the time to learn to make yourself happy and take loving care of your pain. You will benefit from doing this whether or not you stay with him. It's not a matter of trusting time and life, but becoming a trustworthy loving adult for your inner child.

Start With Step One…

Start wherever you are, with Step One of Inner Bonding – practicing staying present in your body, being aware of your feelings and wanting responsibility for them. If you have been trying to control him and get him to care-take you, then it will take time for you to shift out of that addiction and into connection with yourself. You have been focused on getting him to connect with you because this is what momentarily makes you feel safe, but in reality, trying to get him to connect with you is a form a self-rejection and self-abandonment. The moment you focus on controlling him, you have abandoned yourself, which results in even more insecurity.

The place to start is to adopt your inner child – to decide that you want responsibility for making her feel safe and worthy. Each time you find yourself overly-focused on your partner, bring yourself back to yourself – to your own feelings. You have been making him your higher power and he obviously doesn't want this job. No one can be that for anyone else. Now is the time for you to develop your connection with yourself and your personal source of spiritual guidance. When you can do this, then you will be ready to share love with him, rather than trying to get love.

Heal your relationship with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day online video relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay