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Help in Connecting to the God Who Exists for Everyone Except You

By Phyllis Stein, Ph.D.
December 31, 2006

The deepest wound that we all suffer is the spiritual wound of being disconnected from God. In this Inner Bonding session, Niles discovers how his judgments about himself make it impossible for him to have the experience of God that he has been seeking all his life.

I was doing a phone session with Niles. Niles is a deeply religious man whose church activities are one of the most important things in his life. He has taught bible study classes and led bible study groups. He had expressed his discomfort about the people at church, saying that they did not seem to have had genuine experiences of connecting with God and he found that discouraging.  I suddenly realized that part of the reason that Niles was so devoted to his church was that he hoped, as many people probably do, that if he did it long enough he would have a genuine experience of God and that part of what was discouraging him was that he did not see it working for that many of his fellow parishioners.

We had the following conversation:

"Niles, have you ever had an experience of feeling connected with God?"

Niles answered that he had not.

"Do you believe that God exists?"

His answer was emphatic. "Yes."

"Do you believe that others have had a genuine experience of connecting with God?"

His answer was a little less emphatic, but he said, "Yes. I guess so. Sure."

"So why do you believe that you have not had this experience?"

Niles was a little puzzled. "I don't know," he said. "Since I have been doing Inner Bonding I have gotten over a lot of my beliefs about performance, but I still have not connected with God."

"Well," I asked, "why do you think God has not connected with you? Is he some kind of jerk?"

Niles was still puzzled. He said, "I don't know, I just feel abandoned by God."

At this point I suggested he have the conversation with Jesus directly. I asked him if there was an image of Jesus that he had seen that he could connect to.

Niles replied, "I can't relate to any of them. They all seem too perfect, and Jesus came to be human." A flash went off in my brain, something important here.

"Okay Niles," I suggested, "try talking with Jesus as you imagine him and asking him why he does not connect with you."

"I can't really feel anything except maybe mad," he reported.

"Is there a part of you that loves Jesus?" I asked.

"Yes, of course."

"Can you speak to Jesus from that part of yourself? Can you tell him how much you love him?"

He tried, but there was no real feeling behind the words.

"No," Niles reported, "I still can't."

Then the flash I had clicked for me. "Niles, I want you to imagine that you are talking with Jesus, only you are completely perfect. How would that be?"

Niles was stunned. "If I was perfect, I could connect with him easily. Oh, this is incredible, I suddenly see all of the judgments I am putting on myself that I did not even know about."

Niles could see how the judgments themselves were what were preventing the experience of God that he so deeply desired.

I had had the same experience. In order to connect with God, I too had to become perfect by finally seeing that I already was. When I saw that who I really am is perfect and totally devoted to loving God and to evolving in love, the connection with God was immediate. I came to understand that what I had judged as my wounded mistakes were just part of the lessons I had signed up for, not grounds for disqualifying me from connecting with a source of unconditional love. I saw that even the fact that I signed up for the lessons at all came from my deep and perfect devotion to God.

So, maybe this exercise would help. If you believe that God exists, but will not connect with you, imagine talking with God, as you conceive of her or him. Imagine talking as one perfect being to another. Then maybe you too will be able to see how it is your own judgments of yourself that keep you from being the perfection that allows the connection with God, the sharing of mutual perfection, that is there and waiting for you.


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Daily Inspiration

Who are you giving yourself up to in order to avoid rejection? With whom are you not fully yourself to not face a lack of caring and support if you are all you can be? Are you keeping yourself small to avoid knowing the truth of who really cares about your highest good and who will not support you in being all you can be?


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