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Making Choices from Your Wounded Self vs your Loving Adult

By Shelley Riutta, MSE, LPC
April 15, 2008

Are you making choices from your wounded self or your loving adult? These choices determine if you will stay stuck or move into fulfillment and happiness.

Are you making choices from your Wounded Self or your Loving Adult?  When you make choices that are in alignment with your Loving Adult ---these are choices in alignment with your authentic self---who you really are.  When you make choices from this part of you---these choices will lead to happiness and fulfillment.  On the other hand--choices made from your Wounded Self--your reactive, protective conditioned patterns---this will lead to feelings of unhappiness and frustration.

Sam had a deep intention to be in a healthy, intimate partnership.  He had this intention when he begin meeting people through internet dating.  Sam met Karen who had been doing her own personal growth work for years and also was seeking a healthy partnership.  They had an easy connection when they began talking on the phone and they could easily share with each other at deeper level.  They also discovered that they had quite a bit in common and had common dreams for the future.  As they deepened their connection they both were surprised that protective, wounded parts of themselves began to surface.  They both realized that the very thing that they both wanted--a healthy, deep connection with a partner--was actually a possibility in this relationship.  While that was exciting--it was also terrifying at the same time--because the deeper the connection--the more risk of loss there was as well. 

Initially they were able to talk about these reactions and work through them in a positive way that deepened their connection even more.  At times the anxiety would get overwhelming for Sam and to manage it he began to distance himself in the relationship---he wouldn't call as much or make plans to call and then not call Karen.  What began to happen is he began to make choices from his wounded self that were out of alignment with what he was wanting on a deeper level.  His wounded self even had a different agenda than his loving adult and that was to subtlety sabotage the relationship so it would eventually end so he wouldn't have to deal with the fear that was coming up.  If that would happen he would feel the temporary relief of being out of a situation that was causing him fear---but he would eventually feel the loneliness and longing--for what his authentic self really wanted--which was a healthy, intimate partnership.

 Check in today---are your choices and actions in alignment with the deepest part of you or with the wounded part of you that is trying to keep you "safe".

Copyright 2008

Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC is a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice specializing in Inner Bonding and Transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops.   To get her free workbook “What Do You Really Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life” visit her web-site or call her at 920-265-2627.   



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