Don't Go Breakin' My HeartBy Suzi Korsak
August 29, 2011
Heartbreak occurs on many levels. In this brief article, discover that sometimes looking deeper into the core feelings gives us the information needed to heal.
Heartbreak has not always for the reason I thought it was. Heartbreak songs play on the radio, telling me he done me wrong, I’m better off without out him, I can’t live without you kind of songs reminding me that the love train has left the station. I try to make sense of the end of another hopeful start to a sad finish, this end with many gifts. After the initial emotional wave I learned the heartbreak was not that he didn't see me, understand me, but the heartbreak is that I didn't think I was enough. I believed the whole time that his approval, his happiness, his smile was giving me feedback, letting me know my current value. I found this way of valuing myself was as crazy making as watching the stock market and believing that a good day would mean I was secure, and a plummeting stock day meant I had an uncertain future. I had been the one who broke my own heart, long before the relationship came to an official end, by giving my little girl away - giving him the power to let me know my day’s stock value as a girlfriend, as a human being. It was subtle, a program running in the background, I wasn’t aware that the agreement was still in place.
I thought I was practicing the 6 steps of Inner Bonding. I wasn’t aware I was a part of my own heartbreak. I believed it was because he wasn’t open to learning with me, which was true, but there was more. I believed I was lonely because he wasn’t available, which was true, but I was also abandoning myself in subtle ways with the old agreements firmly in place.
It wasn’t until the relationship ended, and the heartbreak was still in place, could I explore why I still had the feelings of heartbreak, when he wasn’t there. Who was left? It was me. This time without judgment, I could look at the loneliness, and see pockets of aloneness, could look at the heartbreak and ask my little girl why she was so sad….and I could hear her. She let me know, this wasn’t the first time I had given myself away to someone who was not open to learning. She let me know that I had been kidding myself thinking it was something that only occurs outside of me. I stopped and I realized, yes, people are sometimes opened and sometimes closed, but if I’m feeling my feelings, and heartbreak arises, I need to look beyond what I first am aware of. I realize that as a dream has many interpretations, so do my feelings, there is never just one answer. I need to ask the very important questions. “What am I saying or doing that is causing this feeling?” as well.
Send this article to a friend Print this article Bookmarked 4 time(s)
|The Heart of Healing|
|Healing Your Broken Heart|
|Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak|
|Heartbreak and Control|
Join the Inner Bonding Community to add your comment to articles and see the comments of others...
What is your first reaction when someone is harsh, critical, sarcastic, angry, judgmental, attacking? Do you attack back? Do you withdraw and get silent? Do you defend and explain? Today, honor the feeling in your body that says "This doesn't feel good" and either speak your truth without blame, defense or judgment and open to learning, or lovingly disengage and compassionately take care of your feelings.
By Dr. Margaret Paul