Who Can You Trust?By Suzi Korsak
February 15, 2012
Inner Bonding is your greatest path to learning about trust in your life.
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." Johann wolfgang von Goethe
I've often heard at the end of commercials "a ______________ you can trust" filling in the blank with the sponsor of the commercial. Quite an interesting statement, and the most surprising answer to the question "how can I trust?" is that the only requirement to build trust with others is my decision to build trust with myself. Trust occurs when my actions line up with my words, not only do I talk in loving compassionate terms with myself and others...I follow them up with loving action. The loving action speaks louder than words. Promises are only as wonderful as the actions that back them up.
Inner Bonding is a complete process for building trust within myself and in turn trust with others. In steps 1-4 I can discover the information of my feelings and discover my beliefs, seeking the truth about them and discovering a loving action to take. Step 5 is where I develop the completion of trust, as in Step 5 I take the loving action.
I will give an example of this very action this week. I had a date this week in which I truly enjoyed his company. I noticed the butterflies, my heart skipping a beat and general excitement. I have had this feeling before. My wounded self would have equated this with the feeling of "love at first sight"...and a number of clichés that ran the thinking and beliefs. Rather than accept this belief I decided to put it to the test through the six-step process.
I recognized that I have made a nice connection with this person. Connection is something that is very important to most of us...we seek connection daily. I recognize that because connection is so important to me, when I feel a connection, there is a slight unconscious but quick move toward trying to control the connection, in this case, the feeling was excitement. I recognize that my wounded self has made the connection between excitement and love. So I've discovered my belief, "when I feel excitement, this must be love"....and I've discovered another belief "I'm so lucky, he likes me"...Wow, I think to myself, I'm placing my value in someone else's hands...this excitement isn't "love" at all...it's the furthest thing from love. I've abandoned myself in a millisecond...but in the acknowledgement I can bring myself back to my heart center just through the acknowledgment of my energy.
I take this information to my guidance to get clarity on my beliefs and find a loving action. Guidance asks me to move back into my body, and asks "how does it feel when you believe that his opinion of you is more important than accepting your own intrinsic value? "Ouch", I say, aware that it hurts when I have forgotten my own value. Guidance continues, "you are enough...You can trust that you are enough without needing assurances...the needing of assurances is just another form of trying to control the connection. When you find yourself seeking your value outside of yourself....ask the question...what are you trying to control?"
Guidance went on to say, "pay attention to your feelings and your energy...where is it? Do you feel full and connected? Anxious and empty? This is all important information for you. This is where trust begins, trust that your feelings come for your health and well being and are not a source of suffering. They just come as messengers, letting you know where you are and what you believe...as with the saying goes...don't shoot the messenger."
And guidance went on to say "compliments feel good, but be aware if you are not giving to yourself that same acknowledgment...otherwise you might seek that type of assurance rather than giving it to yourself. If you place your value outside of yourself, you will never trust yourself, and in turn will not be able to truly trust others."
I then asked my guidance..."what is my loving action?" "To remain in your body awareness when engaging in conversation, noting particularly where you have placed your energy. Have you cast it out in hopes of hooking someone into continuing a connection, or have you remained connected to your heart, your personal power center with the belief that you are enough?" I can through awareness alone, intention alone stay connected to the information that will create all of the safety I need without the need of seeking approval. When I feel full, I am aware my energy is centered...if I feel anxious, scattered or empty...I have decided to control. I have learned I never feel safe when I am trying to control. I can trust myself and my guidance when I operate from a connected full place. I can in this place trust that my open heart is my asset and not a liability. When I am full, compliments such as "remarkable" and "enchanting" are information, not about my value, but about my state of being. These compliments are validation I did not leave my body seeking affirmation, but stayed connected to myself and therefore I could connect to another without pulling or trying to fill someone else's needs.
All feelings are certainly worth exploring, because each and every one comes with information for the journey. Exploring your feelings, and using the six steps of Inner Bonding will help form a trust within, and in turn will help you learn to trust yourself to enter into relationships with an open heart without fear.
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Fun and joy exist between two people when the energy is clear and flowing between them. Clear energy is the result of open, spiritually-connected hearts. Likewise, intimacy and passion in committed relationships are the result of clear, heart-centered energy. The words "I love you" mean nothing without the clear spiritual energy of the open heart.
By Dr. Margaret Paul