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Do You Actually Know When You Are Acting as a Victim?

By Dr. Margaret Paul
January 21, 2019

Are you stuck feeling like a victim of your past, your circumstances, or of other people?

victimMost of us don't like to think of ourselves as a victim. Yet, without realizing it, you might be seeing yourself as a victim, and you might be putting yourself in the position of being a victim.

Do you recognize any of these situations?

  • Someone criticizes you and you feel badly. Believing that your upset is in reaction to the criticism, rather than in reaction to whatever you are telling yourself about the criticism and how you are responding to the criticism, makes you feel like a victim of the other person.
  • Do you get angry when things don't go your way? Believing that your anger is being caused by something external, rather than by some way that you are not taking loving care of yourself, makes you feel like a victim of someone or something.
  • Do you believe that life is unfair? That others are lucky and you aren’t? That God loves some people but not you? Believing that circumstances or God are the cause of your unhappiness, rather than your own beliefs and behavior, means that you see yourself as a victim.
  • Do you get sick a lot or suffer from weight issues or degenerative diseases? Believing that this is just your lot in life or just your genetics, rather than taking responsibility for your food, exercise, and stress, puts you in the position of seeing yourself as a victim.
  • Do you find yourself feeling a lot of emotional pain - aloneness, emptiness, anxiety, depression, fear, hurt, guilt, shame? Do you believe that someone should come along and make you happy? Not taking responsibility for yourself, not practicing Inner Bonding, and not learning to love yourself instead of abandoning yourself, keeps you stuck being a victim of your own negative thinking, which is the cause of your pain.
  • Are you miserable in a situation in your life - a relationship, a job? If you believe it is the relationship or the job that is making you miserable, instead of recognizing that there are ways you are not taking loving care of yourself regarding these situations, then you likely see yourself as a victim of these situations.
  • Do you lack friends and family and end up feeling alone and isolated? Do you wallow in depression rather than practice Inner Bonding to discover how you are abandoning yourself and what the loving action would be? Staying stuck rather than diligently practicing Inner Bonding keeps you feeling victimized.

No One Else Is Causing Your Wounded Feelings

Whenever you believe that your wounded feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, aloneness, emptiness, anger, or jealousy are coming from outside yourself, rather than from your own thoughts and behavior, you are being a victim.

I once heard a lecture by a man who had been homeless. He had come from poverty and abuse and had been a very miserable person. One day he had the idea to read about happy and successful people. He started to spend most of his time at the library, reading the biographies of many successful and happy people. What happened is that, in reading about how these people thought, he started to change his own thinking, which led to changes in his behavior. Within a relatively short time, he was no longer homeless, and eventually got married, had a family, and was a millionaire with much joy in his life. He moved from being a victim to taking 100% responsibility for his thoughts and behavior.


The Way Out of Feeling Victimized

When you focus on practicing Inner Bonding throughout a day, you become aware of the false beliefs that keep you stuck in believing that you are a victim. You become aware of the many ways you are abandoning yourself that lead to your unhappiness or failure to thrive. In connecting with your feelings and your guidance throughout a day, you learn to live in truth rather than in false beliefs, and to take loving action on your own behalf rather than staying stuck being a victim.

Are you ready to stop being a victim? Start to diligently practice Inner Bonding now!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.


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Daily Inspiration

We are all given free will. What does this mean? It does not mean that we can control others and the outcome of things. It means that we are free to choose our intention each moment. It means that if we choose the intention to avoid/control, we freely choose to behave in unloving ways to ourselves and others. It means if we choose the intention to learn about love, even in the face of fear, we freely choose to be loving to ourselves and others. Free will gives us the ability to choose our intention.


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