Taking The Lid Off Your FeelingsBy Dr. Margaret Paul
March 17, 2019
Is it hard for you to feel deep joy? Discover that keeping a lid on your pain also prevents you from experiencing your joy.
For a moment, go back to being a little child and remember... remember an adult being unloving to you:
- An adult (parent, other caregiver, teacher, relative, religious figure, or some other adult in authority) yells at you.
- An adult invalidates you.
- An adult ignores you.
- An adult ridicules, judges, criticizes you.
- An adult molests you.
- An adult hits you, beats you, or physically harms you in some other way.
- An adult abandons you.
- An adult forces you to do things you don't want to do.
- An adult uses you emotionally, smothering you, sucking the life out of you.
...or any other violating, harmful, abusive behavior.
How did you feel?
If you really let yourself go back, you will become aware of the deep heartbreak within your little body - the heartbreak that you could not allow yourself to feel at that time because it was to big to manage.
So you blocked it out in any number of ways, developing your wounded self:
- You told yourself you were bad or wrong - that it was your fault you were being harmed because you were unlovable, flawed, defective, inadequate, unworthy of love.
- You left your body and became focused in your mind, numb to your feelings.
- You turned to various addictions - fantasizing, daydreaming, food - and later to alcohol, drugs, sex, and other addictions.
- You became a "good child", completely losing yourself and becoming what adults wanted you to be.
- You become like your abusers, abusing others when you could.
The aliveness and joy of your soul dimmed and you forgot what it was like to be truly joyful
Now you can heal this with Inner Bonding. Right now, go back to the heartbreak of childhood. Put your hand on your heart, opening to Spirit, inviting in love and compassion for your little heartbroken child. Find the kind, caring, tender, gentle place in your heart for your own heartbreak. Become the loving parent to your child that you needed when you were a child. Give your child all the acceptance he or she is needing right now. Tell your child the truth from your heart, allowing Spirit to speak through you:
"My sweet little one, it wasn't your fault. There was nothing wrong with you. You were not bad. The adults took their pain and woundedness out on you. You were helpless over them. They didn't know how to love. Of course you were heartbroken. My wonderful little one, you deserved love then and you deserve love now. Spirit was always with us, sustaining us. I am here now, and I love you."
Go through as many memories as you can, embracing the heartbreak with deep gentleness toward your child. As each starts to move through, consciously release the heartbreak to Spirit.
By opening to your authentic, existential pain, you are opening your heart to your joy and your ability to love...
However, it is not enough to embrace the heartbreak of the past. Now you need to learn to stay present in your body and embrace the core pain in the present. Each day, interactions with people and events may be heartbreaking. They may cause loneliness, grief, heartache, sadness, sorrow, and helplessness over others and situations. If you continue to protect against these core existential painful feelings, you will continue to keep your heart closed, which keeps the lid on your joy, love, passion, aliveness, personal power and emotional freedom.
You will discover that embracing your core existential pain is not nearly as hard as dealing with the wounded pain that you create with all your protections against your core pain.
Core pain and core joy live in the same place in the heart. When you compassionately embrace the pain, you open to the joy that is your birthright.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.
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Become open hearted and willing to learn and choose to be with those who are also open. When two or more are gathered with a willingness to learn about love, there is the deep joyousness of connection.
By Dr. Margaret Paul