Resistance to HealingBy Dr. Margaret Paul
January 18, 2021
Are you resistant to actually doing Inner Bonding? Do you believe you can heal by thinking it rather than doing it?
"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." - Chinese Proverb
Do you believe that if you intellectually understand Inner Bonding without practicing it, change occurs?
Think of it this way: If you read a lot of books about working out, but you don't actually work out, will your body get into shape?
If you read nutrition books but don't change to a healthy diet, will you get healthier?
If you read about playing an instrument but don't practice the instrument, will you learn to play it?
Inner Bonding is no different. It is a practice.
Resistance to Practicing
If you are resistant to practicing, there are good reasons for it. Actually, exploring your resistance is part of the practice. Here are some of the reasons you might be resisting the practice of Inner Bonding:
- If I open to my feelings, they might overwhelm me.
If this is your fear, then you need to do some groundwork first. You might need some trauma therapy, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or SE (Somatic Experiencing) to de-escalate the intensity of your feelings and help you learn to regulate them.
You also need to work with developing your spiritual connection, because it is your connection to your source of love and comfort that enables you to lovingly manage your painful feelings.
- I'm afraid I can't do it 'right.'
Your wounded self might define your worth in terms of whether you do things 'right' or 'wrong', rather than in terms of the effort you make. You might want to explore your fear of not doing something 'right.' What happened to you as a child when you made mistakes? Do you currently judge yourself for mistakes and failures, or are you able to learn from them?
Practicing Inner Bonding is not about doing it 'right.' It's about gradually healing your false beliefs that limit you, and learning to take loving care of yourself. There is no objective right or wrong way to do this. You know you are doing it right for you when you feel lighter, happier and more peaceful.
- I don't have the time and it's too much work.
It actually takes less time and energy to love yourself than it does to abandon yourself. Think about all the time and energy you might be taking up in judging yourself, ruminating and figuring things out in your head, turning to your various addictions, and all the controlling things you do to try to get others' approval. I assure you that practicing Inner Bonding takes far less time and work than self-abandonment.
- I forget to do it.
When I started to practice Inner Bonding, I used to forget all the time. I was so used to avoiding my feelings that I would find myself automatically turning to my traditional protections/addictions rather than turning to Inner Bonding. That's why I started to wear the MotivAider.
Wearing a MotivAider, putting a rubber band on your wrist, using sticky notes to remind yourself to tune into your body, and setting the alarm on your cell phone, are all ways to help you remember to stay in Step One of Inner Bonding – staying present in your body with your feelings.
- I don't want to be controlled by my guidance.
Since the wounded self is the part of us that wants control, you might feel threatened by opening to learning with your guidance. However, what you will actually learn over time is that not only is your guidance anything but controlling, but eventually your wounded self feels relief at not having to try to control everything. It's really great to know you are not alone and that you are always being guided toward your highest good!
Learning to love yourself frees you to be all you can be, and to live your life feeling alive, joyful and connected with yourself, others and your spiritual guidance. I hope you start practicing Inner Bonding throughout each day.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay
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Today, notice your anger, irritation or frustration. Notice that you may feel these feelings when you are not accepting your powerlessness over others and outcomes and attempt to control what you can't control. Today, accept what is and then control what you can control - your own reactions.
By Dr. Margaret Paul