Healing ViolenceBy Dr. Margaret Paul
February 01, 2021
Why is our society becoming more and more violent? Why do there seem to be so many out-of-control people?
A few years ago, in our little town, a police officer was arrested for violently abusing his 15-year-old daughter.
Why does this happen? Why does it seem to happen more and more often?
In the research I've done, I've come up with three main reasons for this.
1. Abusive or neglectful parenting
Research indicates (see "Why Love Matters" by Sue Gerhardt) that when a baby is not received, held, and physically and emotionally attuned to with love, for at least the first two years of life, the part of the brain responsible for regulation of feelings doesn't get developed.
This means that people who come from abusive or neglectful parents, or from parents who were so disconnected from themselves that they could not consistently connect lovingly with their babies, need to do much inner healing work to develop the capacity to self-regulate their feelings. Without this healing work, they are prone to violently act out their pain on others.
2. Toxic brains
We can't control emotions and the resulting possible violence when our brains are toxic.
What creates a toxic brain?
There is currently a great deal in our society that creates toxic brains.
One of the primary causes of a toxic brain is an imbalanced gut. If you were born through a C-section, then you didn't receive the beneficial gut flora you needed from the birth canal. Or, if your mother was unhealthy, you may have been affected by toxic flora in the birth canal.
If you were not breast-fed, you didn't receive the beneficial flora that your body needs to be healthy. If you were given medications such as antibiotics, what beneficial gut flora you had likely died.
If you were brought up on sugar and processed and factory-farmed foods – laden with chemicals and antibiotics - then you have been feeding the toxic flora that may have taken over in your gut.
Just as alcohol and drugs affect the brain, so does toxic flora. It can cause violence, as well as many other disorders (see 'Gut and Psychology Syndrome,' by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride). In addition, the many medications people take, as well as street drugs, can cause or contribute to violence.
I hope you can see that an overabundance of C-sections, bottle-feeding, leaving babies to cry it out, alcohol, medications and drugs, and eating a diet not based on whole organic foods is causing our society to become more and more violent, more and more dis-regulated, out of control, and sick.
3. Role Modeling
When leaders role-model bullying and other violent behavior, they encourage violent behavior, as we’ve recently seen They give permission to people to act out their personal trauma, anger, racism, sexism, or homophobia on others. People who act out violently are people who are completely disconnected from their loving essence. They are operating solely from their wounded self, with no loving adult, and the unchecked wounded self can do untold harm. Unfortunately, we have been seeing more and more of this in the U.S., with police violence and the recent storming of The United States Capitol.
What To Do?
Obviously, for things to really change, it has to happen from the bottom up. Our birthing methods need to be natural when possible. Parents need to do their inner healing work both before becoming parents and while raising their children, and people need to stop eating junk food and instead, seek out sources of natural, whole food. We need to limit our use of drugs and medications. Our leaders need to role-model caring, empathic and compassionate behavior and not tolerate violence.
Since all of this change is likely to take a long time in our society, it is up to each one of us to bring about the changes in our own lives. Here is what you can do:
If you did not have loving parenting, commit yourself to stopping the perpetuation of this history with your children by doing your inner healing work. There are a number of ways to heal the brain.
- Inner Bonding is a powerful way to bring about brain healing, as many of the people I work with attest to. Sometimes, as part of your Inner Bonding process, you may need to reach out for the actual mothering you didn't receive as a baby – arranging to be lovingly held by an unconditionally loving person. This can do wonders regarding healing the brain.
The more you learn to love yourself rather than abandon yourself, the more your brain and nervous system heal, and the more you re-connect with your loving essence.
- Trauma therapies such as EMDR, EFT, TRE, and SE (you can look all these up on the Internet to learn about them) are very helpful in releasing old patterns and creating internal regulation.
In addition to inner work, one of the main things that you can do to make a huge difference is to learn about what creates a healthy gut and a healthy brain. There are many excellent books and much on the Internet about creating health, and I hope you take the time to do the learning and make the changes you need to make.
Each one of us, doing our own inner work and learning to take loving care of ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually, can begin to change our society.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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Which will be your guide today, fear or love? Which will light your way today, your desire to control or your desire to learn about loving yourself and others? If you do not consciously think about it, fear and the desire to control will be in charge, for they are the unconscious settings of your internal computer. Today, choose to be conscious of who is in charge, your fearful and controlling ego wounded self, or your loving Adult.
By Dr. Margaret Paul