Why So Much Violence?By Dr. Margaret Paul
August 09, 2021
Mass murders, violent teens, school violence - why?
The violence in our society has sparked many discussions regarding the cause of such horrifying behavior. Why is this happening?
In my experience, it is not possible for us as human beings to be violent when we are connected to our soul and to our spiritual guidance. When we do the work we need to do to develop a spiritually connected loving adult, we have the ability to place limits on our behavior regarding harming ourselves and others.
However, many people lose touch with their true soul self. Since our soul – our inner child - holds our intrinsic feelings of compassion and empathy for others, losing touch with this aspect of ourselves may cause us to be able to harm others without feeling any pain or remorse over it.
The question is, how do we lose connection with our feeling soul self?
Many child development experts state that individuals who disconnect from their empathy and compassion generally do so between the ages of two and four. If our parents lacked empathy and compassion for our feelings and needs, we might have chosen to be like them, or we might have chosen to be the opposite of them. If our parents shut themselves down to their own pain and ours, we may have learned to shut down to our own and others’ vulnerable feelings. If we were physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally abused or neglected, we may have shut down in order to survive.
The vast majority of violent people were abused as children.
I once did an Inner Bonding weekend intensive with violent offenders just out of prison, and all of them had been violently abused.
Some children, whose parents are shut down or abusive, manage to stay connected with their feeling soul self through contact with animals such as dogs or horses, while others stay connected through contact with relatives or friends with whom they identify. But many young children are in such devastating environments that they have to disconnect to survive. When in this disconnected state, if they watch violence on TV or practice violence through video games, they may further train themselves to numb out against compassion, empathy, and the pain of harming others.
Likewise, if children grow up with no personal connection with their spiritual guidance, they may not know that we are all one – all connected on the soul level with each other - and they may not consider that when they harm others, they are actually also harming themselves.
Without connection with their feeling soul self and their spiritual guidance, they are left with only their wounded self. If they happen to be operating from an enraged wounded self, this self can act out in violent ways. With no loving inner adult to set limits, the harm to themselves or others can be disastrous, as we have seen.
Research indicates that eating processed foods filled with sugar and other additives often creates anxiety, depression, and agitation.
These unhealthy foods are dangerously prevalent in our society. Many children are put on drugs to numb the effects of both processed foods and abuse, which further disconnects them and exacerbates the problems.
While limiting guns is certainly a very important thing to do, violence in one way or another will continue until we no longer learn, as very young children, to barricade our hearts. As parents and teachers, we need to be practicing Inner Bonding so that we can reclaim our true soul self and our deep connection with spirit. Only by doing our own inner work will we be able to be the loving role models that our children need. The change in our society must come from within each of us.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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The paradox of our wounded self is that it wants to feel safe so it tries in so many ways to control that which it cannot control, which leads to feeling anxious and unsafe. Surrendering to what is and opening to spiritual guidance creates the peace that will never come from trying to control.
By Dr. Margaret Paul