Single and Feeling Great!By Dr. Margaret Paul
April 11, 2022
Falling in love with yourself is a key to joy - whether you are single or in a relationship.
Is it possible to feel great being single? Yes, of course it is! There are many people who love being single. However, not everyone likes it.
Lorna is struggling with this issue with her wounded self:
"How do we feel as good - and not 'less than' - when we are alone and without a 'relationship'? How do we not 'take it personally' if we are without a relationship? How do we feel just as good about ourselves alone as when we are in love in a relationship? Is being in a relationship and sharing love with another person really the best of all experiences?"
"How do we feel as good - and not 'less than' - when we are alone and without a 'relationship'?"
When you define yourself by externals – your job, your house, your car, your money, whether or not you are in a relationship, whether or not you have children – then you will likely feel 'less than ' when you are not in a relationship. When you define yourself by your soul essence – who you truly are – then whether or not you are in a relationship does not determine your worth. In fact, defining yourself externally may be one reason you are not in a relationship. Another person, if they are healthy, will not want to be responsible for you feeling good about yourself. Remember, we attract others at our common level of woundedness or health, so the more you are abandoning yourself by judging your worth through whether you are in a relationship, the needier you are and the less chance you have of attracting a loving partner.
"How do we not 'take it personally' if we are without a relationship?"
Taking it personally is what your wounded self does, but your loving adult just goes about loving yourself and making yourself happy. If you feel rejected because you are not in a relationship, then you need to look at how you are rejecting and abandoning yourself, and what else your wounded self might be doing that may be pushing people away. We generally don't get rejected for our essence, but we may get rejected for the behavior of our wounded self.
"How do we feel just as good about ourselves alone as when we are in love in a relationship?"
It’s vital for you to learn to feel just as good alone as when you are in love in a relationship. The challenge is to fall in love with yourself – with your own beautiful essence – and learn to bring loving energy from spirit to your wonderful inner child. The more you love yourself, the happier you will be, whether or not you are in a relationship. And if you want a relationship, you have a much better chance of attracting your beloved when you feel great about yourself than when you feel less than.
"Is being in a relationship and sharing love with another person really the best of all experiences?"
In my life, sharing love has truly been the best of all experiences. However, it isn’t necessary to be in a primary relationship to share love. You can share love with anyone who is open hearted. Many single people really enjoy the freedom of their time alone, and when they want to share love, they reach out to their close friends.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. Many people want the joy of sharing love with a partner, and of learning and growing with a partner, of playing, making love, sharing their day, and having each other's back. But if you want a relationship and are single, I suggest you do all you can to fall in love with yourself.
Learn to fall in love with yourself with "Love Yourself: A 30-Day At-Home Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships."
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Tune into your body and be present with this moment. If there is sadness and loneliness, welcome and embrace it, bringing the love of Spirit to these feelings. Allow them to flow though you and release them to God, then invite in the love, peace and joy that is Spirit.
By Dr. Margaret Paul