How often do you feel anxious or depressed, and feel stuck with these feelings? You might even know that you need to change your thoughts, but you can't seem to stop thinking in ways that make you feel miserable. Perhaps you are like Donna, a woman who had read one of my articles and sent me the following email:

"I have read all the books on positive thinking and the law of attraction. I want to think thoughts that make me feel good rather than all the obsessive thoughts that make me feel so bad. But I can't seem to stop the obsessive thinking. Do you have any suggestions?"

The problem with many of the books that talk about taking responsibility for your feelings through changing your thoughts is that they do not deal with the concept of intent.

As most of you know, Inner Bonding teaches that there are only two possible intentions in any given moment:

1. The intent to control
2. The intent to learn

When your intent is to control, you are trying to get love or attention, or protect yourself from pain, with some form of controlling behavior.
 

Obsessive thinking is a form of control.

Your wounded self believes that if you obsess enough about a situation you will find a way to have control over people or the outcome of things.

ALL thoughts from the wounded self are forms of control. Subconsciously, they are all geared to get something you want or avoid something you don’t want. As long as your intent is to control, you will be stuck thinking thoughts that make you feel bad. Your bad feelings are your inner guidance's way of letting you know that your thoughts are off track - out of alignment with what is in your highest good.
 

Trying to change your thoughts without changing your intent will get you nowhere

You can explore the thoughts, and the beliefs that fuel them, and you can understand where they come from in the past. But until you change your intent, you will continue to think the thoughts that create your anxiety, panic, anger, depression, hurt, guilt, shame, and so on. You will continue to feel stuck, a victim of your ego wounded mind.

Your thoughts and actions will always follow your intent, and those same thoughts and the resulting actions determine your feelings.

It looks like this:

Intent --> thoughts and actions --> feelings/emotions

Our automatic unconscious intent is always to control. This is our default setting. If you are not consciously choosing the intent to learn about loving yourself, you will automatically be in the intent to control.

How can you become aware of your intent? By practicing Step One of Inner Bonding - becoming mindful of your feelings. Whenever you feel bad, it is because your intent is to control, and you are thinking thoughts and taking actions consistent with this intent. Your emotions instantly let you know what intent is operating at any given moment.

When you change your intent from controlling to learning with your guidance about what is loving to you, your thoughts and actions will become consistent with this intent. As your thoughts and actions change due to your change in intent, your feelings will also change.
 

You know your intent is to learn when you are feeling inwardly safe and peaceful.

Rather than trying to change your thoughts or actions, focus your awareness on your feelings and intent. The more you practice noticing your painful feelings and connecting them with your intent to control, the more you will become conscious of your intent and be able to shift into the intent to learn.

Becoming conscious of your intent is what gives you power over your thoughts and actions!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."