I have been trying to come up with a definition of the kind of thinking that the wounded self does, and I think that the term "irrelevant" about covers it.
 

What is Irrelevant Thinking?

Irrelevant thoughts are those thoughts that do not support your highest good. They are thoughts that cause you to feel bad rather than good, that cause you to feel worse rather than better. They bring you the opposite of inner peace and joy.

These are the thoughts that create fear, anxiety, disappointment, hurt, guilt, shame, emptiness, aloneness, anger, depression, hopelessness, despair, jealousy, confusion. These are the thoughts that make you feel insecure, unlovable, bad, worthless, inadequate, flawed.

There is no event or person or situation that makes you feel these emotions. It is only your irrelevant thinking ABOUT why people are doing what they are doing, what they are thinking, or why something is happening or has happened that causes these feelings. Irrelevant thinking makes you feel like you are driving the wrong way on the freeway. When you think thoughts that create any of the above emotions, you are thinking thoughts that are putting you on the wrong way on the freeway of life, against the flow of traffic, out of alignment with your true essence - with who you really are. Irrelevant thoughts are thoughts that are creating what you don't want!

These painful emotions are your spiritual guidance's way of communicating to you that your thinking is irrelevant! As long as you choose to be present in your body so that you are aware of your emotions, you can instantly know when your thinking is off track, off the mark, out of alignment with your true self, your soul essence. Likewise, your good feelings of inner peace, joy, love, aliveness, passion, and fulfillment are letting you know that your thinking is totally relevant to manifesting what you want in your life. Your painful feeling of life, such as loneliness, grief, heartbreak, and helplessness over others and events, let you know that something external is happening or has happened regarding a person or situation that needs
your compassionate attention.
 

What Are the Kinds of Thoughts That are Irrelevant?

Judgmental thoughts, particularly about yourself, are a common form of irrelevant thinking. Yet the wounded self in most people is deeply addicted to being judgmental.

"I'm a failure."
"I'll never be able to get this."
"I'm not good enough."
"I need to be perfect."
"I can't believe I said such a stupid thing."
"I look awful."
"I'm a hopeless case."

Thoughts about being the cause of other's feelings and choices and being able to control others and outcomes are also common, and also irrelevant.

"If I'm perfect, I can control getting approval."
"She left because I didn't measure up."
"He had an affair because I'm not sexy enough."
"If I have on the right outfit, they will love my performance."
"If I make enough money, they will like me and think I'm okay."

Another common form of irrelevant thinking is about how others are causing your emotions.

"I feel hurt because you criticized me."
"I'm angry because you didn't do what I wanted you to do."
"I'm so disappointed because you didn't keep your word."
"I'm scared because you might leave me."

...rather than

"I feel hurt when I abandon myself in the face of your criticism."
"I feel angry when I want to control you rather than take care of myself in the face of you not doing what I want you to do."
"I feel disappointment because I have expectations that are not based on reality.
"I'm scared because I have abandoned my inner child to you."

If you look over all of these thoughts, you will see that all of them, except the last group, cause you to feel bad.

So, any thoughts that cause you to feel bad are irrelevant. This is why Step One of Inner Bonding involves being present in your body with your feelings. When you are present with your feelings, you can instantly know when your thinking is irrelevant - and then go to your guidance for what is relevant - provided your intent is to learn. If your intent is to control, you will keep thinking the irrelevant thoughts, erroneously hoping they will give you what you want.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions, and Relationships."