The Many Lies We Tell OurselvesBy Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006
You may be unconsciously telling yourself many lies that cause fear, anxiety and stress. Become aware of the lies you are telling yourself and how to move into truth and inner peace.
All of us have been programmed to believe thousands of lies - about ourselves, others, and how things are. In Inner Bonding, we call this programmed part of ourselves the "wounded self." This is our ego self, our false self, our shadow side.
Our wounded self came into being for two reasons:
As little children, we believed many of the lies we were told by parents, siblings, peers, teachers, TV, religious leaders, professionals, and so on.
- As children, when we were treated in unloving ways, we believed the lie that it was our fault. We needed to believe that we had some control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. In order to have this sense of control, we needed to believe the lie that we caused others to behave in the way they did. If mother was angry, we felt safer believing we caused it, because if we caused it, then we could find out how to behave differently to control it. Therefore, we accepted the lie that we caused it due to somehow being bad, wrong, inadequate, unworthy, unlovable, unimportant, not enough, and so on. We accepted the lie of our core shame in order to believe that we caused others' behavior, so that we could have a sense of control over others.
Eventually, the wounded part of ourselves became who we thought we were. We lost touch with who we really are - our beautiful, perfect essence, created in the image and expression of Divine Love. We lost touch with our authentic self and identified with our false self, our wounded self.
Our wounded self is constantly telling us lies about ourselves and about how things are in order to have control over getting ourselves do things "right".
The wounded self is constantly judging us with lies such as:
- She doesn't like me because I'm not smart enough.
- I didn't do it right enough. Now I'm in trouble.
- I'll never get this right. I'll never be okay.
- I'm such a jerk. How could I have said such a thing?
- Life is a losing battle. I'll never get anywhere.
- It's always my fault.
- I'll always be alone.
When we believe these lies, we end up feeling depressed, anxious, empty, angry, guilty, shamed, hurt, or scared. Most of the time when we feel these feelings, it is because we are believing a lie that our wounded self has told us. These feelings are our soul's way of telling us that we are off track, that we are lying to ourselves.
In order to disempower the lies and judgments of our wounded self, we need to:
Become aware of what we are telling ourselves. We can do this through Step One of Inner Bonding - staying tuned into our feelings. As soon as you feel badly, ask yourself what you are telling yourself that is making you feel badly.
Then ask yourself, "Am I 100% certain that what I am telling myself is true?" The chances are you will recognize that you have made up the lie that is causing your pain.
Then ask the question, "What is the truth?" When we have a sincere desire to know the truth, the answer will come to us from our spiritual duidance.
- Consciously bring the truth to the wounded part of yourself, and take action based on the truth. Over time, your inner dialogue will shift from lies to truth. Truth frees you from the lies and from the painful feelings that result from the lies.
Instead of judging yourself, practice telling yourself something that makes you feel calm.
Instead of :"She doesn't like me because I'm not smart enough," the inner statement might be, "She looks like she's having a hard time today."
Instead of "I can't do it right enough. Now I'm in trouble," the statement might be, "There might be something interesting to learn with this person."
Instead of "I'll never get this right. I'll never be okay," the statement might be, "This is an interesting challenge. I'm going to keep at this until I really understand it."
Instead of "I'm such a jerk. How could I have said such a thing?" the statement might be, "I wonder why I said that? There must be a good reason."
Instead of "Life is a losing battle. I'll never get anywhere," the statement might be, "Life is a sacred privilege of learning about love, and I'm going to keep on learning!"
Instead of "It's always my fault," the statement might be, "There must be a good reason this is happening. I wonder what my part is?"
- Instead of "I'll always be alone," the statement might be, "I'm never alone. My spiritual guidance is always here with me."
The path to enlightenment - to inner peace and joy - is shifting out of the lies and into truth. Practicing Inner Bonding whenever you feel anything other than inner peace is a powerful way of getting there!
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."
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Today, notice if your intent is to get love or approval from others or to give love to yourself and others. Trying to get love or approval will always end up causing suffering. Giving love to yourself and others brings joy.
By Dr. Margaret Paul