Life Beyond Love AddictionBy Dr. Margaret Paul
January 22, 2024
Do you believe that getting love from someone feels much better than loving yourself and sharing your love with others?
What is your source of love - people or spirit?
If a person is your source of love, what do you have to do to get the love? How do you have to act? What do you have to give up? How dependable is this source of love? How much energy do you spend trying to make sure that your source of love is something you can depend on?
If you are dependent on a person as your source of love, then you are love addicted.
One of the problems with moving beyond love addiction is that there are times when you believe you are "doing it right" and you get rewarded with the other person's love. This leads you to believe that you have control over getting the dependable love you need from the other person, which is a major false belief.
It feels so good when you get another's love - as does any addiction - that you spend your energy trying to get the love that you believe you need from the other person. Even though it is such hard work and never dependable, you keep at it, believing that nothing can feel as good as this.
This is what every love-addicted client tells me…
"Why should I learn how to take care of myself and bring love to myself when it feels so good when I get it from another person? I will never be able to make myself feel as good as another person's love feels. I can't do it. I don't know how."
What these people are really saying is, "I don't want to. I don't want the responsibility of loving myself, of taking care of myself. I believe it's too hard, too much of a burden. I don't believe that accessing the love that is spirit will feel as good as getting the love from someone else, so I don't want to." But instead of being honest with themselves and saying, "I don't want to," they say, "I can't. I can't connect with spirit. I don't know how."
If you are one of these people, ask yourself this: have you ever given love to a child or to a pet? If you had a child or a pet and you were the only one taking care of this child or pet, would you try to be loving? Most people say, "Yes, of course I would try to be loving." They don't say, "No, I would completely ignore the child or pet's needs. I would be mean or harsh to them, constantly judging. I would continually abandon the child or pet."
Yet, this is exactly what love-addicted people do with their own inner child. Why would you attempt to be loving with a child or pet but not with your own inner child?
All of this has to do with intent. With an actual child or pet, you would likely want to be loving, but with yourself, you want to get love, believing that getting love feels better than being loving to yourself and to others.
This is the big lie of love-addicted people - that getting love from another feels better than being loving to yourself and sharing that love with others.
Having moved from being love-addicted to loving myself and sharing my love with others, I can tell you that getting love doesn't hold a candle to the incredible feeling of receiving love from spirit and sharing it with others. But you will not know this until you shift your intent from getting love to being loving to yourself. You cannot access the love that is spirit until your intent is to learn about loving yourself.
When you consciously and consistently choose to practice Inner Bonding, asking your spiritual guidance throughout the day, "What is loving to me right now? What is kind to me right now? What is in my highest good right now?" your heart will open, and you will experience the incredible joy of feeling filled with a dependable source of love.
Why stay stuck exerting energy to try to get love when it is not nearly as incredible as being filled with the love, peace, and joy that is spirit? Don't settle for second best when you can consistently experience the love for which your heart and soul have always yearned!
I invite you to learn to connect with your spiritual guidance with my 30-Day video home-study course, Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom.
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Your emotions are a great gift, letting you know when you are on track or off track in your thinking and behavior, or when you need to attend to what is happening with a person or situation. Today, practice learning what your painful emotions are telling you, rather than avoiding them with your various addictions.
By Dr. Margaret Paul