"I'm Not Important Enough To Want To Love Myself"By Dr. Margaret Paul
April 06, 2015
Discover what to do if you are stuck not being able to love yourself.
When you were growing up, did you feel important to your parents? Did they attend to you in loving ways to show you how important you were to them? Or, did you often feel like a bother or a burden to them?
Did either of your parents or caregivers role-model loving themselves? Did your caregivers think they were important enough to truly value themselves and take loving care of themselves?
If you didn't experience your caregivers valuing themselves or valuing you, then you might think you are not important enough to take loving care of yourself.
This is the situation Stacey is in.
"I am having difficulty finding a reason to get out of bed and out of my depression. I think intellectually I have a need to reconnect to myself yet am unable to make this more important than my need to have someone else show me how to do this. I don't seem to believe I can do it on my own. How is it possible to use this collapse to move forward? I don't seem to be able to give myself the importance required, which is what I really need isn't it?"
It is likely that Stacey is not going to be able to do this by herself.
I read a true story recently about a man who was brought up by very cold and unloving parents. This man became part of a study that followed him through from college to his death in his 80s, researching happiness and success. Early in the study, the researchers stated that this man was so unhappy and depressed, that it was unlikely he would ever lead a fulfilling life. Then, in his mid-30s, after attending medical school but still being extremely unhappy and disconnected, he got TB and was in a sanitarium for over a year.
While in the sanitarium, he received much loving kindness from the hospital staff. It was the first loving kindness he had ever experienced, and he emerged from his hospital experience a completely changed man. He went on to get married, have children, create a loving family, a successful medical practice, and feel much joy in his life
Of course, I'm not suggesting that Stacey go into a sanitarium, but I am suggesting that her belief that she can't do it on her own may be accurate.
It is unlikely that Stacey will find the motivation to learn to take loving care of herself until someone helps her to feel that she is important. Stacey needs enough TLC from someone to begin to want to give her inner child the TLC she needs.
Because she does not feel she is important, Stacey is not likely to find a relationship with someone who wants to give this to her, which means that she is going to need to seek it out with a loving therapist or facilitator.
This is one of the things that a good Inner Bonding facilitator can do. He or she can help people like Stacey to discover their beautiful essence, their incredible inner child – who they really are as a spark of the Divine - so that they feel motivated to take loving care of themselves. For Stacey to move out of her depression and into wanting to get out of bed in the morning, she needs love.
Ultimately, she needs to be able to bring that love to herself by connecting with her spiritual Guidance, but until she can do that, she needs another's love to help her discover herself. This is what happened to the man who went into the sanitarium. He felt loved for the first time in his life, which enabled him to love himself and others.
If you find you are stuck and you can't do Inner Bonding yourself, then please give yourself the gift of reaching out for help. Help is here for you.
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Today, think about what you do that makes you feel invisible to others. Do you give in to others rather than stand in your truth? Do you avoid asking for what you want to avoid rejection? Do you act like everything is okay when it isn't? Do you agree with others to avoid conflict? Do you ignore your own feelings but attend to others' feelings? If you sometimes feel invisible, notice what you may be doing to create this.
By Dr. Margaret Paul