Working with a participant at a recent Intensive, I heard myself say, "I experience much of my aliveness through connection – with myself and others."

I made a mental note to write that down, as it was a moment of clarity for me regarding a statement made by someone I know – I will call him Clive: "I get my aliveness from sexual energy."

My experience of Clive is that he has no inner or spiritual connection, and therefore has difficulty feeling alive, sharing love or expressing his creativity. As I thought about what creates my aliveness, I realized that, through my connection with myself and my guidance, I'm able to experience deep connection with others, and also to connect with my own passion and creativity. All of this creates an intense sense of aliveness in me.

Clive is often depressed, and I can understand that, given his level of self-abandonment. He seeks to ameliorate his depression through his sexual addiction, feeling alive only when he is engaged in sexual energy with a woman.

Sexual Addiction is Common

Of course, Clive is not the only person who does this. Given the level of sexual addiction in our society, it's obvious that many people use sex as a way to experience aliveness. The same is likely true of people who love scary movies and dangerous situations – the adrenaline from these experiences makes them feel alive.

I feel sad that so many people either use others' sexual energy or put themselves in scary situations to feel alive. I know that if they practiced Inner Bonding and learned to connect with their feelings and their guidance, and then shared their love with others and expressed their creativity, they would feel far more alive than through their various addictions.

The problem is that most people don't believe this to be true. Having rarely or never experienced true inner connection, they can't imagine that their most wonderful feelings of aliveness are in their expression of their love, passion and creativity, rather than in what they experience externally. Because they have experienced moments of aliveness through their addictions, they believe that if only they could get more sexual energy, or more adrenaline-causing situations, they would feel more intensely alive. What they discover is, just like with alcohol or drugs, they need more and more of their addictive behavior to receive the desired effect, which is what creates the worsening cycle of addiction.

This is not true when your aliveness is experienced through engaging your passion and creativity and sharing your love.

Giving and expressing is completely different than getting.

These experiences are so fulfilling that we become motivated to stay connected with ourselves and our guidance, rather than turn to various addictions.     

I have had clients say to me, regarding a food addiction or an addiction to nicotine or alcohol, "This is the only fun I get, so I don't want to deprive myself of it." Again, I feel sad when I hear this, as I know that this person has lost touch with the fun and deep joy that come from expressing their love and creativity from a place of inner fullness and connection.

I feel very blessed that Inner Bonding was given to us by spirit, and that I have practiced it enough to know the aliveness, fun, passion and joy that come from knowing and expressing who I am. Truly, expressing my love and creativity, and authentically connecting with myself and others, is the greatest aliveness and joy that life has to offer.

I hope this is motivating to you to focus on your inner and spiritual connection, rather than using external things and behaviors to feel temporarily alive or filled up.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay