What does it mean to be present? Present for what? What does mindfulness mean? Mindful about what?

We are told to be in the now. What does that mean? And how can we remember to do this?

Being present and mindful in the now means primarily two things: learning to be compassionately aware of what you are feeling in any given moment, and learning to stay open to the love, wisdom and comfort of your spiritual guidance.

Why Is This So Hard?

It's hard because we have been practicing the exact opposite for most of our lives.

For most of us, being mindful and in the present moment was too much for us to manage as children. We were too little to manage the emotional disconnection of our parents, and, in some cases, the emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse that may have followed from their disconnection from themselves. In order to survive, in the face of their self-abandonment, we needed to disconnect from our overwhelming feelings. Learning not to be present for our deeply painful feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, grief and helplessness was life saving for us. Our caregivers’ disconnection and the resulting various forms of abuse or neglect that followed from their self=rejection and self-abandonment were shattering to us. We could not have survived it without learning to disconnect from our feelings and not be in this present moment.

Having disconnected from our feelings, we never learned to lovingly manage them, with the help of our spiritual guidance.

This is what we now need to learn in order to be present, and in order to not pass our self-abandonment and resulting disconnection on to our children.

We cannot be fully present in the face of our painful feelings unless we learn to be present with the love and comfort of spirit. This is why practicing presence needs to start with developing contact with your guidance.

Here Is How To Begin…

It starts with remembering to open to spirit in order to connect with spirit. What will help you remember? Do you need to put sticky notes everywhere? Do you need to keep setting the alarm on your cell phone or get a MotivAider? Do you need to wear a rubber band and remember to snap it on your wrist to remind yourself?

Once you remember that you want to connect with spirit, the next step is simply to think with gratitude toward spirit. Thoughts such as, "Thank you for this beautiful day," "Thank you for my life," "Thank you for my pets, or my relationships, or my health, or my food, or my work, or my talents." Open to feeling love and gratitude for all that spirit gives to you, while thinking thoughts such as, "I love you. Thank you for always being with me." You will find your heart filling up as you thank spirit for what you have and as you reach out to your guidance with love. The fullness you feel in your heart is your experience of spirit being in your heart. This is connection with spirit.

Practice This As Much As You Can Throughout Each Day.

Along with remembering to connect with spirit, remember to check in with your feelings. When you feel anything other than peace inside, invite the compassion of your guidance to be present in your heart for your feelings. Be fully present with your painful feelings, sitting with them as you would sit with a hurting child whom you dearly love. Don't judge your feelings or try to fix them or do anything to make them go away. Just be with them with acceptance and compassion. As you feel your connection with your feelings and your guidance, find the place within you that wants responsibility for your feelings.

This is Step One of Inner Bonding. This is presence. This is mindfulness. This is being in the now. This is essential before moving on to the other Steps of Inner Bonding.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

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